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KKTerry Offline
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Name: Kim
Age: 28
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Question The boy is playing her like a video game... - September 3rd 2010, 06:45 PM

Okay, so I'm not sure if this is where this post should go, but its where i think it fits best. Also, I apologize in advance if this post is "graphic."


My best friend Ashley and her boyfriend Ben have been dating for awhile now, and Ashley thinks they’re completely in love.. I’m not so sure.
Ben is very controlling. He tells her who she can and can’t talk to, what she can and can’t do, and even gets mad at her when she wants to come to a girls night with all of us girls instead of hanging out with him even though they see each other practically every day. Ashley, thinking that he loves her and she loves him, goes along with it. Meanwhile, while she is following all of his rules, the boy is running wild.

My friend Sara, who happens to be Ashley’s cousin came over to talk to me last night after her and her boyfriend Austin broke up, they’re still good friends and Austin told Sara some “information.” She is supposed to just hold on to it, not tell anyone and everything, but she told me thinking I could figure out what to do. Austin told Sara, that him and Ben, being close friends, had been hanging out and met a girl, and Austin treated her like he would any friend, but Ben.. Ben not only kissed her.. but fingered her too. He cheated on Ashley. I want to tell her. But he’s cheated before and when we told her, she asked him, he denied it, and she believed him. I don’t want to hurt Ashley, but I think she needs to know. At the same time, if I tell Ashley it’s going to cause drama between Sara and Austin because Sara wasn’t supposed to say anything. I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place here..

I need to know if
1) I should tell Ashley.
2) How I should tell Ashley.
3) What I should do about the drama that is sure to happen between Sara and Austin if I DO tell Ashley.

Any help, advice, or tips would be awesome.
Thanks Everyone!




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Katrina Offline
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Re: The boy is playing her like a video game... - September 5th 2010, 02:55 PM

Hey Kim.

Well, I think there are a couple of things worth considering here. First of all, I know you're Ashley's best friend, but Sara is her cousin - I think that rather than giving you the responsibility of how or whether or not to tell Ashley, she should take on that responsibility in some ways. After all, she was the one Austin told, and it'd seem less sketchy if it was a "Hey, Austin was telling me..." rather than a "Hey, Austin was telling Sara who was telling me...and now I'm telling you that..." - does that make sense? Because as we all know (Ashley included), things can get lost in 'translation.'

Also, would Austin have any reason to lie? Does he have anything against Ben or any sort of "thing" for Sara right now or anything? I'm not saying he's a bad guy because I don't know any of you guys, but there's always motives to be considered, you know?

In *my* opinion, and others may not agree with me, I don't think you should get too wrapped up in this situation. I do, though, think you should voice your beliefs to Ashley that clearly Ben is being a little manipulative and that you don't think it's a good idea (but phrase this in a way that she'll know that you're coming from a "caring friend" perspective). She may take your opinion into consideration and she may not...she may have to see it first hand before she actually does anything about it. If it gets to the point where you think it's unhealthy (though it almost seems that way now), I don't think it'd hurt to mention the thing Austin was saying...but on the other hand, that just drags SO many people into the drama - the repercussions of that could involve Sara getting mad at you for telling Ashley, and Austin getting mad at Sara AND you for telling other people, and then of course Ben getting mad at Austin for telling Sara, and Ashley getting mad at you, Sara, AND Austin for not telling her earlier, AND Ben (for obvious reasons)....that just sounds like a terribly tangled web.

Ignorance is bliss, right? I'm guessing you kind of wish you didn't even know the situation, but I guess now that you do, you just have to evaluate which path is best for everyone. Good luck! I hope you have a better grasp on the situation than I do!



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