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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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rebeccajane Offline
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Cant handle fathers day - September 4th 2010, 09:20 AM

So my dad physically and sexually abused me since i was a bub. we split up from him when i was like 11 or so. Since then, ive hated fathers day. Even though i celebrate it with my grandad (as hes been an amazing dad figure to me), i still get really sad on this day and cry and cut. I think i would be able to handle it better if it wasn't so commercialized and made such a big deal of. I know its really hard for people that dont have fathers, same with mothers day. Anyway, tomorrow is fathers day, and im scared of how i will handle it. Please help! Anyone else like this?
   
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Apollo Offline
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Re: Cant handle fathers day - September 4th 2010, 08:55 PM

Rebecca,

I'm very sorry to hear of what your father did, and I can understand why you would be upset on a day that is supposed to be all about fathers. Although, I think it's great that you celebrate it for your grandfather. You said yourself, he's an amazing father figure to you, so I think you should think about him more and try not to focus on your biological father. I know it's easier said than done because I grew up in an abusive home myself, which is why I was put into foster care for awhile until I was adopted. It was there, where I learned that my adopted father - an amazing guy- was my DAD. Not my biological father who hurt me and my family. I think if your grandfather is that role model and father figure to you, I think it's great if you consider him your dad, even though he's biologically your's. I hope that makes sense.

It's normal for you to to be sad, but I think you should find others ways to cope than Self Harm. It is not good at all for you, but you probably know that - or should know, at least. I think talking to someone about what you're feeling would help, but not only on that day. If you've never had a therapist or counselor, I think you benefit from one. There are much better options for you, I promise. If you feel like you're going to, maybe try calling a friend, or another family member, or even a hotline. Just remember, the feelings you have now aren't always going to be as strong as they are now. I mean, you're always going to have them but thirty years from now, if you have the right support NOW it won't be as bad. When you Self Harm, you're only hurting yourself and making things worse. And you're better than that and you deserve to be happy.

I agree that father's day is too commercialized and it is hard on those in your situation or those who don't have living fathers. But I know that you CAN handle it, because you ARE a strong person. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Because like I said, talking helps.

-Apollo


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