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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Lola Boa Offline
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Name: Lola
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Cool Friend ruins my self-esteem - September 16th 2010, 03:28 AM

Hi everyone! THis is my first post! YAY!
So i'm quiet, shy, timid, u name it. and i hate that. absolutely hate it. cuz my friend never wants to hang around me cuz apparently i don't have any friends. i do tho. i have 5. i kno that's not a lot cuz there's like 80 ppl in my grade but i'm happy i guess. and i've been working on talking in class and i do participate but my friend that complains about me is never in any of those classes so she thinks i haven't changed. ik it shouldnt bother me and ik that i don't need her permission and stuff but she always drags me down. "Ur so quiet!" "Come on! Go socialize!" "Ur so weird. ur probably the weirdest one here!" and i can't just ignnore her cuz she's friends with my friends. and she likes my other talkitive, social friends way more than me. like she'll completely ignore me if one of them is there...so it makes me rly mad.
but i do want to be talkative. i want to be one of those ppl in the class that yells out the answer when they're allowed too or the one that ppl laugh at becuz that person is rly funny. i wanna b that person but i'm so freaking shy.
also my first impressions suck. i always get intimidated by girls and guys who r so much better than me (meaning they're funny and talkative) and so i shy away. leaving the impression that i'm boring and fragile. which i'm not! i'm rly rly rly silly and fun to be around i just take a very long time to get used to ppl.
so i want some advice on how to be that spunky person. i've tried acting but i have stage fright + i didn't get in which is ok.

THANKS!
LOLA

Last edited by PSY; September 16th 2010 at 07:34 PM. Reason: Removed triggering prefix.
   
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Re: Friend ruins my self-esteem - September 18th 2010, 01:41 AM

Hello, Lola!

Wow, this is kind of creepy... your story sounds almost EXACTLY like my story (except I was 13 at the time). I attended a small, private school from 12-14 years old. There were about 80 people in my class, and most of them grew up together. I am a naturally introverted person, so it was hard to make ANY friends. When I finally did manage to make friends, I felt like we didn't have anything in common. There were no clubs that focused on my interests, and the few clubs that DID exist were very exclusive (ex. you had to have a lot of money to spend on field trips/supplies, or you had to be athletic).

One day, I became sick and tired of my shy/introverted manner, and I decided to change how I interacted with my classmates, just like how you've decided to change and become more talkative and outgoing. Now, here's where it gets confusing: this IS and ISN'T easy to do. The reason why it ISN'T easy to do is because we're all born with a certain "personality". If you were born introverted, then you can't suddenly decide, "I'm going to be extroverted!" You're always going to be a naturally introverted person. BUT, you don't have to let that introverted personality get in the way of making friends.

This is where it gets easier. Once you can accept that you are who you are, and that you'll never be the super-energetic center of attention amongst your circle of friends, you can begin to make small changes in the way you interact with your classmates (and everyone else you'll meet in life). It's not always comfortable, because you're not used to behaving in more outgoing ways... but given time and a bit of patience, you CAN begin to make changes. Start out small - create a few goals that can be reached easily (ex. saying "hello" to someone you don't know very well while walking by them). Step out of your comfort zone, but don't try to be something you're not (as you've already discovered, "acting" doesn't get you anywhere). Accept that you have limitations, but challenge yourself to do something different.





   
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