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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question Uh.... What does he expect? - September 23rd 2010, 12:11 AM

I got a text from one of my guy friends, and he told me that I need to work on my appearance. This wasn't totally random, we were talking about stuff like that right before I received this text. I told him that I like my style, or my lack-there-of. And, I truly don't care about how I look. He then told me that he thinks I'm pretty, but for a few reasons I need to change. One, I don't dress like I'm a teenager, dress shirts, skirts, flats, slacks, and dresses aren't the normal wear for teenage girls. And two, I don't act right for my age. So, of course being me, I asked him what he meant by that. He told me that I'm too nice for a teenager, I let people walk all over me, I don't talk enough, and I act like a total dork. Well, what does he expect? I told him I'm a wallflower, and I act the way I do because it's the side I wish to show people. He just replied, "There isn't anything wrong with you. I just don't want you to get hurt like you have."
I don't understand what he means. I don't understand when people talk to me about this stuff, because, to be honest, it doesn't matter to me. He is one of the few people I've let on in my life how bad I've been hurt by people I let close to myself. He wants me to become tougher, or not such an easy target.
I like myself the way I am, or at least I like who I show to the world. There isn't anything wrong with her. So what does he expect of me? Are all of my friends secretly wishing that I blended in more? I don't fully understand what he wants of me. I know that he wishes I was more of a normal girl, he wishes I'd be the girl to watch Glee and American Idol, or whatever the popular t.v. show is right now. But, I'm not, he know that I'm not. He knows that I'd rather be spending my time reading a book, or rather, writing one. He knows how I act, and he wants me to change myself. It won't be for him. It'd be for me.
Is that what he wants? I'm very much confused. I don't fit in with my age group, I never really have. I'm completely fine with that, he just doesn't want to see me get hurt.
So, do I change for him? What do I do?
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Re: Uh.... What does he expect? - September 23rd 2010, 12:35 AM

You are so perfect just the way you are! Never, Never, NEVER change for anyone! You are being a "leader" and not a "follower" who just blends in with everyone else. In my opinion...he is feeling "uncomfortable" with who you are...who knows why and is using the excuse that he doesn't want you to get hurt or walked on is really not "his" concern. You can take care of yourself and by the sounds of things, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job of that already!
You have already set yourself apart from all the others and there is no such thing as being too nice. You are being the mirror image of what you want to see in the world...bravo to you!
I am sure he is just confused as to what his real intention is as to saying that you need to change. I believe once you talk to him about how you are comfortable in your own skin and will take your chances of being your true self...he should back off on the subject because I believe a true friend excepts you for who you are-no matter what.
You sound like you are wiser than your years and it is "teenagers" like you who make a real difference in the world because there are already so many stereotypes of what today's teenager is anyway...and I think its fabulous that you don't fit the typical mold!
Keep up your reading and writing...self expression is the greatest gift and to be able to articulate it into words is pure art through the soul...honour yourself by being your true authentic self because that will be your greatest gift in life! Believe me...I am living proof of it!
Keep shining your light!
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Re: Uh.... What does he expect? - September 23rd 2010, 05:44 AM

There's no need to change for him if you don't want to change. Besides, your relationship doesn't seem so strained you must change to maintain it. You asked for his opinion and he gave it, doesn't mean he expects you to change. That's what happens when you ask people's opinion on something regarding you: they give you their opinion in one way or another. He probably sees you as being trampled upon by others, which to many people is something one should avoid because it's presumed unhealthy and not accepted by society to lay down having people trample over you. This would also be part of what he may mean by not being a normal teenager because teenagers may not allow and be content with being treated in such manner. So no need to change, only need to understand the fact you asked for an opinion from someone who will still be your friend regardless.

The "hurt like you have" is about something that happened to you and shows he cares. I don't know nor need to know whatever it was but this is the reasoning he's giving for his opinion.

I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
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Re: Uh.... What does he expect? - September 23rd 2010, 02:11 PM

Don't change yourself! He may have his heart in the right place, but changing yourself will hurt more that being excluded.

Hello, world

"And if you take my hand, my son, all will be well when the day is done."
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