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katherinexrenee Offline
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my stepdad ruins my self-esteem. - September 23rd 2010, 11:38 PM

every time i don't do what my dad says because i'm doing something else, like homework, he calls me names like dumbass or fatass.
i'm so sick of it.
my self-esteem is already low, and he makes it worse with his remarks.
i don't even know if he's joking, but it still hurts.
and he knows i hate it.
every time he calls me a name, i go upstairs and cry.
and even though i'd never do it,
it's made me wonder how much damage would come from anorexia or bulimia.
i just wish i didn't have to go through this.


hello there
   
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Re: my stepdad ruins my self-esteem. - September 23rd 2010, 11:59 PM

Try not to allow your dad to take your inner power away...think of it this way...whenever he says something to you that offends you or hurts you...you tell yourself that he is saying it about himself! When people say hurtful things to someone else, it is proven that that is exactly how they feel about themselves. They feel down on themselves and want others to feel the same way...don't let him...you hang on to your own power.
I know its hard to understand but he is doing the best he can with what he knows-how he was taught...doesn't make it right, but it allows you to make more sense of why he does it.
That 'ol saying...misery loves company...this is where it comes into play. Your dad doesn't know any better...especially if he thinks its funny. Chalk it up as ignorance on his part and try not to fall prey to it...
Hope this helped
   
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Re: my stepdad ruins my self-esteem. - September 25th 2010, 04:13 PM

I'm sorry about the way he treats you. Verbal abuse is always hard to take on, especially if your self-esteem is already low. One of the things you can work on now is to improve your inner self-esteem so that you can take on these remarks in a more confident way in order to deflect them.

For instance, if he calls you a dumbass, you can reaffirm yourself by acknowledging that you're not dumb. If he calls you a fatass, you can do likewise (you don't look fat in your avatar). His remarks seem to be distorting your perception of yourself. You can restore your self-image by talking to friends who can help you reaffirm your good qualities (i.e. your intelligence and weight) so that you know the truth. Once you know the truths about yourself, no one will be able to change that, not even disrespectful remarks.

Right now you need to work on re-establishing your self-image so that you can deflect your dad's remarks.

I hope that helped.

Sincerely,
DC
   
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