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Parents divorce for the last 3 years - October 9th 2010, 08:27 PM

Ok so this is going to be long.
So we are an immigrant family into north america and i was 12 when we came here, which was 4 years ago. Back at home my dad was very abusive towards my mother and used to beat her up, but nothing could be done there and after we came here he beat my mom up once and then my mom, me and my elder sister all left my dad and moved to my uncle's in a different city within 3 months of coming here.

So for almost 3 years we lived with my mom and then last year we went back to our country to talk to my grand parents about helping us financially because my dad is very cheap and would barely give us any money at all. So we went there but suddenly my grandpa ended up passing away and my dad also came there for the funeral. My mom who has been humiliated by my dad and his family a lot, still stayed through the funeral and never let any one in the community find out about the separation between her and my dad.

We stayed there for 4 months and my sister and i lived with dad while mom was at her sister's. For those 4 months our lives were like hell, our dad is very intervening and we were not allowed to do anything we wanted. We talked to our dad before coming back to canada about him giving us money to help us out here and he did not do anything for us. In the meanwhile we had to come back because my 2nd sem in gr 10 was about to start ( i Had take sem 1 courses online), my mom did not want us to come back because she said that we should try to scare your dad and then he will give us money, but i came with my sister saying that my studies were very important to me. ( our mom came 1 month after we did)

So for the last 6 months our main conversations we each other have been around the money that we should get from dad( he has a lot of property worth a lot of money back home) . That is the reason why my mom has been postponing her divorce with dad .

My mom is very nice all the time but sometimes she goes through phases of nervous imbalance where she completely explodes and does not know what to do ! For example, yesterday while she was driving the light turned yellow but she increased the speed in hopes of passing through but the light turned red before we reached the intersection, we still went through and then my mom started freaking out and saying that she was scared of the truck behind us and blaming me for not telling her and then saying it was dad's fault and that we should just go back to him and leave her alone. She started crying and saying we have to come ato a decision . And my mom always wants me to ask dad for money for us saying you are the boy it is your responsibility and that i should say shit to dad to scare him and stuff so he would give us money. But i have never been comfortable saying anything to my dad( i dont know the reason for that ... i m very pissed at him for treating mom like that but its like i get tongue tied while talking to him)

And so today morning i wake up to my mom crying lously and beating herself and she tells me to call my dad and ask him to come here or we should go to him and on the phone my dad is like i dont know you guys never talked to me during the 4 months you were for during the final rites ceremonies of his dad . And kinda starts blaming mom for things and mom tells me to shut the phone. After i do so, she starts blaming me saying "Why did i tell you to talk to your dad ? He was saying that i am wrong and you still kept on listening to him, You are on his side and i should not expect shit from you or your sister"

No school for me today she has been on the bed the whole day and talked to one of my aunts saying she is going to finish the divorce case now and then send us to either live with dad or she is going to go away from us.

The mood in the basement is as if someone died and i have barely any social life because of her over protectiveness and i am under constant pressure from her ( and my dad) for $50 000 scholarships when i graduate next, on the other hand my interest in studies is diminishing because of the problems going on.

I am completely and utterly confused/hurt/ashamed( at not being what my mom thought i was going to because i love her a lot).

Anything to help ?
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Re: Parents divorce for the last 3 years - October 12th 2010, 07:47 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. =( All I can really suggest is that you keep looking for scholarships/grants/loans (if you can get them, it might depend on your status as a citizen). I would also suggest that you look at some back-up plans, in case you can't afford to attend a four-year university. Look into attending community college for the first two years (and transferring to a more prestigious university afterward), or get a full-time job and save up enough money to attend college later on in life.

I'm sorry to hear about what's going on with your mother, but I don't feel it's right for her to blame everything on you. Keep supporting your mother throughout the divorce process, but try to avoid taking your mother's harsh words to heart.

I wish you all the very best. <3

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