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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Rukata Offline
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Frenemy.. what to do? - October 29th 2010, 07:30 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Alright, I have this friend named Kiera. We've been friends for seven-eight years now, but that might have ended last Sunday. Our entire lives we've been opposites: I'm a lone wolf, she's a social butterfly. I'm bi, she's straight. I'm a tomboy/goth, she's a girly-girl. I'm not constantly wrapped in someone's arms, I've never seen her NOT attached to someone. Basically, once I've made up my mind, I'll do what I want, when I want, and if you want to try and stop me, you can go straight to hell.. which is exactly what she tries to do. I don't CARE if she wants me to wear this, I will wear what I'm wearing now, 'kay, thanks. The only thing in common is that we were both abused. I was sexually abused by my father, she was physically abused by her mother.

Basically, she met my friend, Jake, who I consider an older brother to me because I've known him since I was tiny, when we were looking for a house. I'm very protective of him, his mother, and my mum. I would sacrifice my life for both of our moms, and I would do the same for him, except I know he wouldn't let me, because he's openly told people that he would fight someone for me. BEFORE SHE CAME UP, I told her NOT to flirt with Jake. Anyone else was okay, but NOT Jake.They met and they kissed, supposedly he came onto her. They paid no attention to me the entire time she was there. I don't think she's good enough for him. I told her to stop having a long distance relationship with him, and she did.

She came back up here again after we moved, and they basically ignored me again this time. The day before she was about to leave, we got into a fight where I said, "I wouldn't have to be such a b**** if you weren't such a f***ing w****." Then, I through flip flops at the wall, said I wanted her to die, through out our friendship necklace, a perfume she gave me, and a keychain that was the same as hers, basically having a tantrum, but knowing exactly what I was doing, not in a completely blind rage. My mom came in to comfort me, and I told her about how when she was with anyone except me and Brianna (my other friend in our circle of three,) me and Brianna immediately were unimportant, and were ignored. She never does anything for me, but she never made mean comments behind my back, either. She left at 10 AM to spend two hours with Jake, then ended up staying until 2 because Jake begged the driver to let her stay.

I really want to beat the hell out of Kiera, and never speak to her again, because she could have listened to me when I told her to. I want to mentally beat myself up because if I hadn't let her come up, then it wouldn't have happened. I want to slap Jake, cry, and beat him because he let that thing stay longer than it should have, and because he ignored me. For the record, it may sound like I have a crush on Jake, but I really don't. He's cute, but I wouldn't ruin our brother-sister friendship so he could be my boyfriend. Plus, his personality isn't what I want. I also don't want to lose him as a friend because I'm homeschooled and he's the only friend I really have up here. I'm trying not to make a rash decision because I know I'm pissed, so I figured I should ask; what should I do?



Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -Dr. Seuss

The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be just you. -Leo Buscaglia

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. -Miss Piggy

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want - an adorable pancreas? -Jean Kerr
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Re: Frenemy.. what to do? - October 30th 2010, 04:53 AM

I would definitely go to apologize and maybe explain to her why you were feeling that way. Tell her that you and your other friend feel neglected when she is with anyone else. Did you explain your relationship with Jake, maybe? If you didn't, she might not have realized it.
Sorry I'm not more help, but this is all I can think of right now.
   
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Re: Frenemy.. what to do? - October 30th 2010, 07:50 PM

Ok, well, first off is she such a person who would make jake's life horrible ? If not, then let them go out. Make a decision also about this matter where jake stands, is he a friend or someone you could want to be with, because your response is the response of someone who likes a person. So make a decision, is he a friend or a potential boyfriend(listen to your heart)? If you can't make a decision about it don't force yourself to make a decision but then let him go out with that girl, because why spoil something good for him ?


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Rukata Offline
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Re: Frenemy.. what to do? - November 7th 2010, 08:57 PM

@Release9: I did explain that I felt invisible when she was around people with my mom, and Jake's mom, and she tried to defend herself by saying, "I've been trying to get you to join us with Jake, and tried to do stuff with all four of us." The only reason I didn't want to do anything was because whenever we did go do stuff, me and Brianna became invisible, and I didn't want to join them because I was angry at the fact that we'd been invisible all week.

@Jacksonian: I can't imagine myself being Jake's girlfriend, even if the planets came into line and it had a chance to happen. I would never even give up having a brother for a boyfriend, because chances are we wouldn't even stay together. Kiera had a breakup with her boyfriend right before she came up here the first time, and said, "I just want a new boy so I can forget about Luis." Also, after she got back, she said, "He reminds me of Luis when I first met him.." This leads me to believe she's simply 'in love' with Jake because she really misses Luis, and therefore, actually doesn't care at all about Jake.

She's been calling me repeatedly every other day it seems like, at least three times a day, which I've ignored every time. I know she really wants to be my friend again, but I could never feel comfortable with her anymore, and she wouldn't be able to ever heal the hurt she caused me over the years. Even if we compromised, my best compromise is that she stops talking to Jake, and it honestly sounds like her best compromise is that I stop asking for her to stop seeing Jake.


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -Dr. Seuss

The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be just you. -Leo Buscaglia

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. -Miss Piggy

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want - an adorable pancreas? -Jean Kerr
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: Frenemy.. what to do? - November 10th 2010, 01:20 AM

Well, if Jake wants to keep seeing her, knowing what you know then you can't stop him unfortunately, he'll be hurt but what more can you do except give good advice. Does he know what you know ?? If he doesn't then tell him. But if he chooses to go there by his own free will then its his choice and you can't stop him.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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