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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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lostandalone Offline
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what is a freind - November 1st 2010, 02:42 AM

just wondering what peopls expectations are of their freinds.

I seem to have unrealistic expectations as i always seem to be dissappointed or hurt. So, just curious what you guys consider what a freind is. ( and I know it is a two way street...)




"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

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Re: what is a freind - November 1st 2010, 05:50 AM

Well for me personaly it would be someone that has same interests as me.

Actualy cares about me and would stand up for me, Aswell as doesnt backstab and talk crap behind my back.

Its not easy to always find a good friend actualy so its pretty rare you find someone that will be perfect.
   
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Re: what is a freind - November 1st 2010, 07:16 AM

A friend is a person who is trustworthy and is willing to provide support and not judge you or make fun of you for who you are. I can understand an argument or slip-up here and there, but when someone is excessively rude or anything like that I stop considering them a friend.


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Re: what is a freind - November 2nd 2010, 02:25 AM

thank you . I apreciate you guys for taking the time to post.

I seem to be a fail when finding friends.




"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." J.K. Rowling
   
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Re: what is a freind - November 2nd 2010, 02:55 AM

just remember, you can't make friends, they just come. a good friend is someone you know you can go to for help, for advice or just to talk to. its someone who eventually comes to know you enough, that they know your limits, and put your feelings first. it took me a while to find my bestfriend, and i was the same as you. i pushed people away when they tried to get to know me. until one day, i let people see who i really was and now i have the best times with my friends. that was only a year ago.

just be open to people, and let them show you who they are. talk to people you've never talked to before. real friends will come if you let them.


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Re: what is a freind - November 2nd 2010, 04:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by someoneoutthere View Post
just be open to people, and let them show you who they are. talk to people you've never talked to before. real friends will come if you let them.
I definitely agree with this. =) When I first meet people, they are "acquaintances". I say "hi" and pretty much lose interest in them right away. If I see them often enough, however, we tend to start opening up to one another. Every now and then, I'll begin to feel fairly comfortable around someone, and vice versa. THAT is when I can start having expectations of them, and begin to see them as a "friend", vs. as an "acquaintance".





   
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Re: what is a freind - November 4th 2010, 02:55 PM

Thank you all for taking the time to post a reply. I understand what all of you are saying and it helps.

It's just disheartening to see everyone else hanging and planning things with their BFF's, and I'm on the side, like a spare.




"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." J.K. Rowling
   
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Re: what is a freind - November 5th 2010, 01:20 AM

that was me too for a long time. it happens to everyone believe it or not. eventually you'll find those BFFLS and have the best time of your life


-i still believe,
that there is more love than hate, theres more heart than ache,
and we are stuck in this great big world together-
<3
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Re: what is a freind - November 5th 2010, 02:53 AM

I always considered a real friend to be someone who isn't annoying but wants to hang out a lot. I also have an unrealistic hope to find a friend like Turk or J.D. off of Scrubs. They should have your back most of the time.
A crappy friend makes fun of you at every opportunity. A joke every once in a while isnt bad... until you hear them talk behind your back, make fun of you repeatedly with your other "friends", blame you for stealing their iPod for an easy 200 bucks while hiding it under their treadmill, turn their back on you the second it looks good for them, never wanting you to come over but making you jealous by talking about what all six of your other friends did with him last weekend, and then crushing every hope you had of ever going out with the most beautiful woman on earth. God, I hate my old friends with a burning passion.
   
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Re: what is a freind - November 5th 2010, 03:08 AM

Call me an optimist but every person I interact with has the potential to be my friend.

I don't really have expectations. It just sort of happens. They become my friend. Cool.

The friends I have now I met because they were just part of the clique I was a part of. Turns out we had a lot in common. Sense of humor, favorite things, family life, being goodie goodies.

I don't expect much of my friends but in time my expectations adapt. I see how much they are capable of and I bump it up. Like originally I expect them to joke with me, laugh at my jokes, talk about stuff, participate in the Secret Santa we do yearly, and talk to me about serious issues if I need it or they need it.

My best friends...I expect that at any moment I can show up at their houses, teary-eyed, shaking, stuttering, stupid, pathetic, and they will hug me and just hang out. And then the next day it'll be ok. No grudges among my friends. Our arguments are always superficial and temporary. We have things in common and then things that are different but there is no issue that will divide us. I enjoy it very much so.
   
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Re: what is a freind - November 13th 2010, 04:59 PM

Going off on what other people have said:

Try not to have ideals or expectations. If you define for yourself a narrow criteria on what a good friend should be, then you might be closing your doors on some potentially amazing people that can make you happy. Back then, I was naive and said that I wouldn't be friends with anyone who did drugs. Yet, I met someone who did and was really amazing, and actually fit into my ideal of a best friend. Make sure you're open-minded, and that way, you won't be disappointed. Expectations can be a good thing if they are for yourself, but if they're for other people, you might be setting yourself up to be hurt.

I hope that helped,
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Re: what is a freind - November 13th 2010, 06:55 PM

In a friend I look for honesty, kindness, someone I can rely on, and someone who I feel comfortable with. Nobody is perfect though, but like Bob Marley said: "The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."


And here you are living, despite it all.
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Re: what is a freind - November 14th 2010, 06:24 PM

Thank you all. Those are all wonderful thought provoking points. This is helping me alot. As I am struggling with anxiety in additon to everything else, I can't always trust myself. Everything all of you have said makes sense, it seems it takes a while to make/find a freind...I guess I am just impatient.




"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." J.K. Rowling
   
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Re: what is a freind - November 15th 2010, 01:11 AM

Don't know if you want my input but... you're getting it
A friend is someone that's there for you at your best and worst times, someone that wont judge you or make fun of you, someone that you feel comfortable talking with and someone you can hang out with for a while without wanting to ring their necks.. and someone that will comfort you and trust you and you can trust them...
   
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Re: what is a freind - November 15th 2010, 04:15 PM

A friend....

A friend will sit with you while you cry
Rarely having to ask the question why
A friend will always hold your hand
even when they do not fully understand
A friend will know when you're a mess
and brush it off when you spill on their dress
A friend will try to see through your own eyes
feel your pain and wipe the tears from your cries
A friend will welcome you into their heart
and when you screw up, will forever give you a new start

... at least I hope so.
   
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Re: what is a freind - November 16th 2010, 01:53 AM

I live in a small town and everyone is the same and I can't make a friend.. Anytime I think I've made a friend they turn out to be very controlling, liars, backstabbers, or smoke/drink/have sex. I've never had a true friend (


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Re: what is a freind - November 16th 2010, 01:55 AM

Most of my friends are boys and thats good and all but I need girl friends so it wont be awkward to hang out and I've never brought a friend on vacation and in the past year I've only had one friend spend the night.


Feel free to PM me. I love helping others and making new friends.
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Re: what is a freind - November 16th 2010, 11:59 PM

Abigale...I'm soo sorry for what u are going thru..I understand how u feel.

Jess and Mary....thank you so much !!




"Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another." Unknown

We give each other strength to make it through the darkness." Silverstein

‎"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." J.K. Rowling
   
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