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Dark-and-Twisty Offline
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Socially Awkward... - November 6th 2010, 03:25 AM

Basically my whole life, to date, I've been known as "socially awkward." The bottom line is, I have somehow managed to lose every friend I have ever had. Some how, some way, I always wind up saying something or doing something stupid that ends a friendship.

I went off to college with the goal to put this all behind me, to begin fresh and make long-term friends. Well, it's beginning to start up again.

I'm not a mean person, or at least I try not to be. Whenever someone asks for help, I'll always help them. It's how I was raised, to lend a helping hand. But here's the thing, I tend to get pissed off easily. Also, I'm not a quick thinker, so often I don't think before I speak. Words come out wrong, and I'm often misinterpreted. When I'm writing it's so much easier. I have the time to think about what I'm going to say. But in face-to-face conversations, I don't. I blurt out stuff, and because of that, I get screwed over.

I don't know what to do. Tonight we were talking, and one of the girls randomly begins correcting my grammar. To date, I've been one of the only students in my grammar class with an A, and I don't like to 'brag', but when people ask me my grade - since pretty much everyone is failing - I tell them.

So, by gut reaction, I get frustrated with her correcting my grammar. I try my hardest not to correct them, because I know it will piss them off. Usually I bite my tongue, and I've been doing a pretty good job of it. But I just snapped, and I grabbed my stuff and left the room.

Instead of leaving completely, I stood outside the door and listened to what they said about me. Basically, they said I was an immature bitch. Which puts me back in the same spot I've always been.

I don't know what to do...make new friends? I have a few other friends who weren't there tonight, and I don't think they perceive me as an immature bitch, but then again, they don't know me "quite" as well, because I don't hang out with them as much.

I'm afraid I'll never be able to hold down a long term friendship, and because of that, I'll never be able to hold down a long-term relationship. I've never had a real boyfriend, and all of the girls around campus are getting boyfriends, and none of the guys seem interested in me. If I can't hold down a friendship, I certainly can't hold down a romantic relationship.

I don't know what to do. No matter how hard I try, I always mess up. It's been this way my whole life. My worst fear is dying an old, lonely woman with no heirs. =/

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Release9 Offline
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Re: Socially Awkward... - November 7th 2010, 01:06 AM

Don't worry, trust me.
I haven't had a real friend since the 3rd grade.
I'm lonely all the time except when I come here, because my parents hate me and I get better grades than a lot of the kids, so I'm apparently a "nerd."
As for boyfriends, I'm not allowed to date...so...
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Dark-and-Twisty Offline
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Re: Socially Awkward... - November 7th 2010, 01:19 AM

That's the same trap I've fallen into since fifth grade. It was in fifth grade when I started communicating with people over the internet. I was eleven years old. I'm not even sure when my first "real" friend was. I had a best friend in pre-school and part of kindergarten, then she started hanging out with this other girl who was a snob.

Then it all just sort of spiraled downward. I had a close friend in fourth grade, but she ended up abandoning me for reasons I don't even remember. My last 'close' friend was in ninth grade, and I'm not really sure what happened there either. One day we were best friends, the next day she hated my guts.

The story of my life. I've had a lot of online friends, my longest is over three years and we still communicate, now on Facebook. Online relationships work to some extent, but I long for face-to-face communication. It's fun talking with online friends over Skype and all, which I have done with a few. But it has its limits. I want physical contact. I don't think I could have a romantic relationship with someone over the internet. That's one thing I have never done, and have always been so leery about.

My parents have warned me a million times about online friendships, yet they allowed me to have a computer in my room while growing up. I wasn't allowed in chats or to talk to strangers, but I did it anyway. I always told myself I didn't want friends, but if that were true, I wouldn't have resulted to online relationships. One can only be by themselves for so long. Forums and chats are my only escape, my only source to 'communicate' what I'm feeling and raise my 'social' bar. (I feel like a Sim...)
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awkward, socially

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