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eiramaidyl Offline
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Arrow Everything. - November 27th 2010, 06:09 AM

The past year has been the most life changing year I've ever experienced. I used to be a good kid. I was oblivious to drugs, alcohol, sex, peer pressure. I looked past all of that. I knew I was doing the right thing. But last November or so I associated myself with people that changed my outlook on life. They smoked pot, and convinced me to do it. I started doing it every weekend. I kept telling myself that I wasn't doing it that much, but looking back... I really was. I got a boyfriend who I was in love with. He just seemed more than perfect. Except for the fact that he smoked pot daily, and wasn't a virgin. I just told myself I could live above all of that. I couldn't. I said no to sex for four months into our relationship until I finally did what I thought was ready for. My life changed. I felt matured, but different. It wasn't as magical as I expected it, and I didn't even enjoy it. It was all for him. The bad thing about this relationship was that he lived 20 miles away, so I could only see him on weekends. I fell into this state of depression. On top of all that, my only true friend at the time lives across the state from me, and finals were waaay more than I expected. I gave in and abused inhalants. My parents found my almost dead in my house because of taking too much. They sent me to outpatient rehab, which seemed to help for a while.. but i just kept going back to pot, and drinking. 3 months later my relationship with this guy started going downhill. All he wanted was sex and weed. He'd barely talk to me during the day except to ask for dirty pictures, and he was using people so that he could get high. I ended it with him. I gave myself up to the first person that I fell in love with. I can't seem to live down the pain. My friends just tell me it will be okay and to shake it off. But its waaay to big for that. I've tried to let go, live with it, and I've even talked to my old church pastor about it. Everything else that happens badly in my life bounces back to Devin. It's all I think about. I can't talk to my parents because I wouldn't have a life. And I know I can't associate with him anymore. I just feel so alone because no one understands. To this day I am now sober and will continue to be that way. But as far as regret goes, what should I do?
   
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Re: Everything. - November 27th 2010, 06:13 AM

Just let it all go. The past is the past. There's nothing you can do to change it. The only thing you can change is your future. And you're taking the right steps to make your future a good one (:


"Sometimes we just have to accept that some people are going to stay in our hearts Even if we aren't in theirs."
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Re: Everything. - November 27th 2010, 06:15 AM

I know. That's what I need help with is letting go.
   
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