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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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heavenlyblissx Offline
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Confusion with friendships and my studies :S - December 2nd 2010, 04:19 PM


This thread is sorta separated into two parts so I appreciate anybody who reads this and replies

First Part...

My last post was on whether it is right to ask to be invited to outings with friends due to the fact that sometimes I get a feeling that they DON'T want me to go and hence not telling me about it....

Well recently I've noticed that they've been doing it A LOT! And what annoys me the most is them TALKING ABOUT IT in front of me, and then I feel very uncomfortable cause I know it doesn't really have anything to do with me :S....

This is like the fifth time (and yes I have been counting) they're planning something that I know nothing about and I really wonder whether I should really call them my "friends"...I kinda know that the answer is no because I don't really know them as much as the other girls in the same group of friends as I am do, but still, it 's really upsetting to talk about plans in front of the people who are not really invited (me)....

Advice to this problem were:
1) Find some new friends
2) Make plans of my own and invite them round
3) talk to my "friends" about it

I'm not saying that these solutions were bad, it's just that it's really difficult to use these advice in my situation right now....
1) Can't really make new friends because I'm in my second last year of high school and everybody's already in their own friendship groups, joining a new one would be quite "awkward"
2) I would invite my friends over if I could, but my problem is that my dad (the house husband) says he feels uncomfortable with me or my sisters inviting a huge group of female friends over and apparently it's "morally wrong" with him being the only man in the house. I told him he doesn't have to do anything and leave everything to me but he still insists that it's too much of a hassle for him. I'm not a very good host either so it'll make the whole thing 10x more boring and awkward (probs the reason why nobody likes me? :P)
3) I've already talked to one of my friends (who I'm quite close to and probs the ONLY proper friend i'll ever have in this school) about it. But she says she can't really do much about it.....

Should I just continue to stick with the same group of people? After all, I only have a year and a half to go before I go to Uni (which I'm pretty excited for).

Second part of the story! (Thank you so much for reading this far )

So I've told my mum about this whole leaving-me-out situation and her solution to my sadness is : ignore your "friends", concentrate on your studies, be successful, and then you'll have plenty of friends, problem solved . (Typical asian parent thing to say) I guess what she's trying to say is that friends won't really help you get into Uni and your future, and I should not really be wasting my time with those I'm not happy with and concentrate more on myself.....

But I don't want to do that.....I want to be able to have friends that I can hang out with and do well in school....and also it's difficult to concentrate on your studies knowing your so-called friends are going to each other's houses and going to the cinema without you....

But what I really want to know is do you guys agree with my mum? Should I really forget my "friends" and totally concentrate on my studies? There's really not much of a point for me to try and make any new friends (reason mentioned above).

My cousins also told me that I'll make better friends once I get into Uni and that I can start a new fresh page. Let's hope they're right....

Just want to say thank you to those of you who put up with me :P I appreciate any opinions and help!

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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: Confusion with friendships and my studies :S - December 3rd 2010, 11:10 PM

If someone does such a thing to you, where their heart doesn't want to be near or close to you, then don't be around them. Especially if you think they are your friends.

I suggest finding new friends. I don't know these people, but from the way they are acting, it seems better to let them come to you on their own instead of trying to earn their friendship.

No, these girls aren't treating you as friends, so don't call them friends.

What I say is, do your best in school and dedicate enough time to reading and passing your exams and assignments, but also try and find new friends who you can also spend time with, ones who will appreciate you for who you are and want to go out to the movies with you. Many times friendship finds you, so don't rush it, take it slow and you'll find someone, then someone else, then another.

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
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Mandi Offline
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Re: Confusion with friendships and my studies :S - December 6th 2010, 07:06 PM

It can be really hard to say just get rid of them. But to me there not treating you like there friend. Once college starts many people already move there seperate ways, I have noticed. Mabye join a club or something at school that may help you develop new relationships. It is really up to you if you want to stick with them or go.

"How can you understand me when I can't understand myself?"

"If you forget all else remember just this, there are people who love you and want you happy... without you their life would be empty"
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