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SouthernBelle. Offline
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Out of place in school... - December 9th 2010, 10:06 PM

So, for five years straight, I was homeschooled. I'd been homeschooled previously as a kid, so I didn't think it would be that hard, but a year into it, I realized that it was bad for me this time around, that I actually needed my friends. But my mom convinced me to stay homeschooled until high school, because our town's only middle school was absolutely horrible. Even with that light at the end of the tunnel, I became severely depressed, something my parents didn't even realize was going on with me until the summer before I started going to school again. I lived in a world entirely comprised of adults for five years, and because of that, I feel that I've been forced to (unconsciously) mature emotionally more quickly than others my age.

I started school at the end of August, the day after my birthday. I came to school with blue in my hair, dark clothes and dark eyeliner. From the start, I got along well with the teachers: I was quiet, always turned in my work, and tried my best in all my classes, even gym. But... Around other kids, I often felt... Just out of place. Even when I started making friends -- scarcely a day into school -- I still felt out of place. I've already got life goals, and one of those goals, I'm slowly but surely getting closer to. Everyone else talks and thinks about the present, and I'm always thinking of my future. I actually talk more to my twenty-two year old aunt more in one hour -- who I consider my best friend; she's like a sister to me -- than I do to my friends at school in eight hours. The friends at school that I've had since the time I went to school in fourth grade... I can't even talk to them as well as I can to her.

I feel like a loner that's trying to camouflage herself among false friends, when I'm at school. I listen to my own kinds of music, read (which none of my friends do), talk my own way, watch my own movies, dress my own way, and have my own hobbies. And everywhere I look... It would be unfair to call my fellow students immature, because they are all quite mature in their own ways.

It's just... I feel more mature than even they are. I want a job, I want my own house, I want to start making my way closer to my life goals, and not sit in one place all day like a book on a shelf. I feel like I belong more in the world of adults than kids my own age, which makes absolutely no sense, seeing as I know I shouldn't waste my youth (and I couldn't if I wanted to, anyway), but I can't help what I want to do. Yet I'm only fourteen, and so I feel simply stuck. Like a dove trapped in an iron cage, its wings constantly beating against the bars, straining to break free: I'm trapped.

And none of my friends (except my Junior and Senior friends) seem to find me as anything more than an annoying, mother-like figure who should just sit quietly in the background of things seeing as I'm not going to agree that they should do drugs or have sex with any guy coming and going.
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Re: Out of place in school... - December 11th 2010, 01:37 AM

So here you are, you have matured. Not completely though because I can still sense the child in you. I am a loner because I just am. I have always been out of place in school. But the thing is, you are young, and the big thing here is for you to enjoy your life.

Here you are with thoughts towards your future, that's all good. But enjoy life. And you'll find yourself just being you and being happy.

You'll find good people who you can talk to more your age but it takes time. For me for example, i didn't have that many friends but i did have friends. But i didn't go out looking for them. We just met and became friends. Be yourself. Live well and enjoy life.

NB ; When I say enjoy life I mean live well, eat well, talk with a good language, go to the movies, watch tv, take time to relax and just rest. And when it comes time to work, then work whether on school or towards your own goals in life.

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
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