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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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f***ed up family - December 15th 2010, 07:05 AM

i come from a place i'd like to call my personal hell, its run by my two demons for parents and a little thing id like to call my "release". this story aint for the weak stomached, its long and makes you want to hide, scream, run, or whatever.
I guess lets start with my parents, both have been smoking pot NONSTOP since they were 11, both been doing drugs, both drink like crazy, both are bipolar, both are violent, both are hoarders, both yell scream hit and throw things, and both have abused me since i was born. they hate eachother, married for 10 years unhappily, and extremely abusive and violent to eachother, then went through an 8 year divorce, which through those 8 years my life became dead. I'm pretty sure they've both hit me when i was little, both have thrown things at me,have told me to fuck off, die, dissapear, wish i never existed, and call me every shitty name on the planet, and my personal favorite was "chickenshit". so basically lets add up trust issues, abuse, mental problems, post traumatic stress disorder, history of addiction, and extreme loathing of self. add in my favorited sister, who was never harmed, my brother whos had it just as bad as me, and so just add in the fact that somewhat recently, ive been kicked out 5 or 6 times, been told to go jump off a cliff, and that my mother would rather kill herself than see my ugly face again. oh, and dont forget how they tell me im gonna die in my sleep causing panic attacks in history class which is why im behind in high school, because im a vegetarian, also add in that ive had a weak bladder all my life and still have accidents.
Hmm, well i havent done much to fuck up my life, except the 3 years of cutting, guys using me for sex, the time i went to school drunk for 2 weeks, got suspending, went to rehab for 2 months, tried to kill myself, and currenly should be in the custody of cps, considering my mom wont feed me, cloth me, or even take me to go to the dentist since i havent gone since i was 12, oh yea, and spends all the money on pot to smoke with my sister instead of buying toilet paper, so my boyfriends family feeds me and clothes me. oh and dads outa the picture, he told me im a drunk on valentines day 2 years ago after kicking me out and since then i havent seen or talked to him, and child support makes me laugh, a dollar 35? that wont even buy me drugs to numb all the shit that happened to me.

So basicallly, I'm one fuckkkkked up person who needs more than a miracle, I need a reset button for this shit.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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re: f***ed up family - December 15th 2010, 11:33 PM

You got a lot of anger from all this, it ain't hard to tell. You're 17, you oughta start thinking about your own life and trying to do something with it. Fuck the past if you hate it as much as you appear to, and try to move on.

I channelled most of my anger into writing and music, although it's been too sporadic and random to really produce anything complete in itself. Find some outlet of your own, 'cos it really does help. It may seem like a twisted way to look at it, but you can use all those experiences to your advantage. Most people don't go through that level of hell, and what doesn't kill you DOES make you stronger. Emotions are what drive people, and you've got loads of them. Don't resort to drugs to numb them, loadsa reasons why you shouldn't, I'm sure I don't have to go into details. But the main reason like I said is you can use it all to your advantage.

This is something I found on youtube (I'm not trying to spam lol). Might make you feel better about things. It moved me, but you gotta hear it all out:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isbQqZDglIU.




.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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re: f***ed up family - December 16th 2010, 05:22 AM

problem is if you cant function mentally, how do u function physically in the real world. the things i want to do in my life i cant, its like im stuck so far down in this shithole the only place to go is, well, down more. ive tried everything, i know whats gonna fix me, but its not possible.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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re: f***ed up family - December 16th 2010, 10:20 AM

What things do you want to do (if you don't mind sharing)? And what exactly is holding you back? In most cases it's simply money I think actually. Almost anything nowadays revolves round it. So perhaps look into getting a part time job? Or even a full time job once you finish school. I know what you mean about not being able to function physically. I'd have uncontrollable outbursts of anger sometimes (still do, but less frequent). How the hell can you focus on anything when ur not even in control of yourself? Well I found ways to relieve the stress, going to the gym, music, just doing something with myself, to take my mind off that shit. I told myself I wouldn't let any of the fuckers who shitted on my life bring me down or stop me doin what I wanted to. It works pretty well.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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re: f***ed up family - December 17th 2010, 05:21 AM

well i want to get a second job, because i have no hours in the last few months, i need to pay 250 for driving lessons, i want to move somewhere thats a healthy home to live in and basically just support myself so i can get away from the crap. maybe ill be worse off but at least ill be free from the constant verbal abuse and the negligence. i need to go to the dentist cuz i havent in 5 years and probably a doctor asap
   
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re: f***ed up family - December 17th 2010, 10:05 AM

In UK, under 18s get free dental checks and doctor appointments. I'm not sure if it's so in the US... really have no clue actually lol. Are there no grants or benefits maybe available for people from low income backgrounds?


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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re: f***ed up family - December 19th 2010, 07:44 AM

na, but really i just need some kind of therapy for post traumatic stuff and something to make me not depressed or want to cut. idk why i even tryped stuff in on this site i was just feeling sorry for myself
   
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re: f***ed up family - December 19th 2010, 01:48 PM

I used to do the same ages back. Luckily some "assholes" hacked the site 2 years ago I think and all those posts were lost.

I assume you're still going to or at least part of some school right? They should have some sort of therapy available maybe if you look into it. School counsellors and shit like it. They do in the UK.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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re: f***ed up family - December 19th 2010, 03:51 PM

Have you told someone in authority like your school counselors or the police? They should be able to help you with getting the help you need with your recovery and punish your parents severely for what they did to you.
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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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re: f***ed up family - December 19th 2010, 05:39 PM

ive told therapists, ive told teachers, ive told my friends and doctors and everyone but police. theyll probably just say that "oh ur parents love you" like everyone do, but they really really dont. its funny u ask about the school therapist because hes just kinda dissapeared for a month now, its weird, n he didnt help, i lied to him almost everytime about when i last cut and about alot of stuff but he just kinda took it for granted
   
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re: f***ed up family - December 19th 2010, 09:32 PM

Ok at this point you should definitely go to the police, it is obvious that all of these other people are failing you big time (especially those employed by the school as well as the doctors who have a legal obligation to report things like this). They take reports like this seriously. Most police departments have a victims services or victims advocacy department whose people would enable you to begin your recovery and get you the help you need.
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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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re: f***ed up family - December 23rd 2010, 08:40 AM

but police dont care unless ur being hit and even then theyre skeptical, why would they care if my parents tell me im a piece of shit?
   
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re: f***ed up family - December 23rd 2010, 11:45 PM

The police receive millions of complaints and if I don't provide evidence other than your word, they have not much to go on. If you go to the police with evidence of some sort, either from multiple credible people or physical evidence. Alternatively, when your parents hit you in some way, call the police so the police can come to the house, check out your parents, your siblings and yourself. I cant say what will happen but if there is pot around the house in open places or can be detected by the police, they may be able to remove you temporarily from the home (possibly permanently also) and get you some medical care and victim counselling services.

One way I found to releive some anger was to go to a gym and use their punching bag. I'd beat the hell out of it until I was too tired to lift my arms or legs. Whenever I'd get angry, I'd wait until I got to the gym then unload that entire week's worth onto that punching bag. I won't pretend, I didn't have it as bad as you and if that comes off as insulting or arrogant on my part, it isn't meant to be.

Do you have any dreams of what you want to be, such as doctor, teacher, etc...? Get a goal that you want and try to aspire to that so you always have something to motivate you to continue and to look up to.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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re: f***ed up family - December 31st 2010, 07:52 AM

they havent hit me in a long time, or throw things at me anymore, its all mental and emotional and verbal abuse and neglect
   
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