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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Pandaloo Offline
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Emotionally Abusive Parent? - December 29th 2010, 11:29 PM

I have so much to say, and to be able to make it clear to you exactly how I feel, well, I'd have to tell my whole life. But I'm going to try and make this as short as possible.

I have been very tolerant and positive most of my life, but this year i've started to reach my tipping point. My mum, as much as I love her deep down, as much as she really and truly cares for me and only wants the best for me, is tearing my life apart.

I know this seems like just another teenager who doesn't like her parents, but please hear me out.

She constantly lectures me, and if I do the tiniest thing that she dislikes, something as little as staying up a little late, she gets mad and calls me useless. She constantly lectures me and tries to make me into this perfect child which I just cannot fit into. She doesn't like the hobbies I do, and only wants me to study all day and get a job as an accountant. I love film and music, she hates it, and says that it is useless and will never get me any money. She complains and nags at me so much.

Now I know that the common piece of advice you would all give at this point is to talk to her and let her know how I feel. But I can't. I mean literally. Both my parents are chinese, I am too, but I was born in England and brought up speaking English. I know little chinese, my mother knows little english.
And even if I could talk to her about it, she is a very very stubborn person. She is strong i nthe belief that because she is the older, responsible adult, that she knows better than me. She doesn't connect with me on an emotional level at all.

My dad, I don't speak to him too often, he's msotly at work, and my mother is mostly in charge of my life. I don't speak to either of my parents on an emotional level. Neither of them understand.

I have a girlfriend, I know I'm young but, regardless of what anybody may think about how far this relationship will go, what matters is that she is the only thing that keeps me somewhat sane. I feel that I have nobody to turn to, be looked after, or be understood apart from her. I go to her house from time to time, but my mum hates me going out often and often lectures me about it. Which upsets me. She doesn't know I'm gay or that I have a girlfriend, thats another story.

I am lost. I am lonely. I am getting progressively worse at keeping stable. As time goes on I'm finding it harder to cope. I find it easy to burst into tears by just thinking about my situation, which shocks me. I've never been like this.

I wish I could move out, in fact, I wish I could move to my girlfriends house. Because I only feel welcome there. her family treats me so well, in fact, her entire family is so much warmer. My parents argue day in and day out.

I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. I can't handle this, I'm beginning to worry about myself. I used to be so positive and happy, and now I can't seem to get this out of my head. Please help.
   
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Re: Emotionally Abusive Parent? - December 29th 2010, 11:40 PM

Is it possible for you to live with your girlfriend? Where I live at 16 you can legally move out, and your parents can't stop you.
I know what it's like, not being able to sit down with my parents and talk about something. So, I don't know what to tell you there.


I try my best to help, but that doesn't always mean I will be helpful.

   
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Re: Emotionally Abusive Parent? - December 29th 2010, 11:43 PM

I did some research, I believe I can only move out with my parents consent. Which I highly doubt they'd give.
the only other way I can move out, I belive, is if it was a serious situation, I don't think my situation is serious enough.
   
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Re: Emotionally Abusive Parent? - December 30th 2010, 01:17 AM

Oh man...That stinks. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to tell you.
Just hang in there.


I try my best to help, but that doesn't always mean I will be helpful.

   
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Re: Emotionally Abusive Parent? - December 30th 2010, 11:39 AM



Thanks for the support anyways I guess.
   
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Re: Emotionally Abusive Parent? - December 30th 2010, 02:15 PM

Dear Pandaloo,

I myself have an emmotionally abusive mother as well. I've been called the worst names ever in history. All the while I struggled with depression she would say "There is no reason try cry!" Trust me, I hear you, and I don't think you sound like someone else who just doesn't like their parents.

First of all - try to understand their point of view (although very very hard!) How was your mom raised? How is her relationship with her mother? And your father as well?

Have an outlet for yourself. Write your own music even! Try to not make any rash decisions. Make a plan of college (your dream college - like a music an arts school - go big - Julliard!) Try as hard as you can to not bring up touchy subjects. Running away isn't the answer right now - but you do need support! Have a loving girlfriend is such a wonderful thing as well!

Keep your chin up and there is other's out there like you too. Email to talk anytime! I'm now 26 and still deal with my mother It gets easier when you move out, however she will always be there!
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Re: Emotionally Abusive Parent? - December 30th 2010, 02:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandaloo View Post


Thanks for the support anyways I guess.
No problem


I try my best to help, but that doesn't always mean I will be helpful.

   
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Re: Emotionally Abusive Parent? - December 30th 2010, 04:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by EmpathLight View Post
Dear Pandaloo,

I myself have an emmotionally abusive mother as well. I've been called the worst names ever in history. All the while I struggled with depression she would say "There is no reason try cry!" Trust me, I hear you, and I don't think you sound like someone else who just doesn't like their parents.

First of all - try to understand their point of view (although very very hard!) How was your mom raised? How is her relationship with her mother? And your father as well?

Have an outlet for yourself. Write your own music even! Try to not make any rash decisions. Make a plan of college (your dream college - like a music an arts school - go big - Julliard!) Try as hard as you can to not bring up touchy subjects. Running away isn't the answer right now - but you do need support! Have a loving girlfriend is such a wonderful thing as well!

Keep your chin up and there is other's out there like you too. Email to talk anytime! I'm now 26 and still deal with my mother It gets easier when you move out, however she will always be there!
You know, that means a lot to me actually.

It's good, in a way, to know that there is somebody out there who has dealt with the same kinda problems.

Both my parents have had a strict upbringing, so I can understand why they stick to a very traditional way of bringing me up.

When I'm thinking more clearly I do say to myself that I just need to get past these 2 years till I can move to University and have more independance. I suppose it's just sometimes I get too wound up and I get put into a stressful place from time to time.

Anywho, I guess I'll have to stay strong and stick it out. Thank you so much for replying.
   
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Re: Emotionally Abusive Parent? - December 31st 2010, 03:38 PM

Sorry to read this. I have exactly the same problem with my dad. Stay strong and I promise things will get better soon. Hugs, Emily XxXx
   
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Re: Emotionally Abusive Parent? - January 2nd 2011, 05:54 PM

Thank you very much.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through the same problems. I'm trying my best, I hope you do too.
   
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