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Good Grief! - January 19th 2011, 01:42 AM

I think that my mom looked for my journal. I don't just think so, I'm almost completely sure that she looked. She wanted to see my desk(just put in yesterday or the day before), and she opened the drawer to see what it looks like, or how much space it has. My journal was laying under a daily planner thing, and her eyes stayed on it just a second to long. Before I went to bed, I put my journal in my school bag, not wanting to leave it at home just in case. I left my desk chair pushed under my desk, the drawer pushed in and the door shut, and everything in it's place(I'm really organized when it comes to that stuff). I made sure to close my door completely before going downstairs in the morning(I don't have a lock, if I did I would have locked it and taken the key to school with me). When I got home, my door was open a few inches(sliding door), my desk chair was turned the wrong way, my drawer was pulled out and the door to it down, and nothing was in the spot that I left it. I made sure to put my journal in my choir bag before I went to choir, I was reading her a book on the way there, and the little sister reads her older sister's diary. I swear when I read that part my mother went stiff. I want to ask her, but if I'm wrong, she'll be upset that I thought she did. If I'm right, she'll be mad that I figured it out. I understand why she wanted to find it, I haven't really been talking to her for the past few weeks, I've been really mad at her lately. I once said in a suicide note that they found, I'd leave my journal with me, including all the reasons why. But they found that months ago, wouldn't she have looked by now?
I want to ask her about, but I don't want to be wrong and upset her, but I don't want to be right and know that my mother doesn't trust me at all and doesn't respect my personal belongings. How would I bring it up in a convo that would make her tell the truth, all I can think of is, "Hey mom, did you by any chance look for my journal in attempt to read my most private thoughts but failed to find it since I had it on me, so you left my desk a mess for me to find and clean up because you were mad I didn't leave it for you?" and I have a feeling I'd get in trouble if I said that.
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Re: Good Grief! - January 19th 2011, 02:11 AM

Ooh... that must be incredibly frustrating for you! On one hand, I can see why your mom would want to read your journal. After all, if she knows you've contemplated suicide in the past, and you're not talking to her at the moment, then she may be worried and want to find out if you're still contemplating it. On the other hand, you need to feel like your personal belongings are being left alone, no matter how good your mom's intentions may be.

I don't know why your mom chose this particular moment to look for your journal (versus months ago, when she first found your suicide note)... but I can take a guess as to why. Oftentimes, we don't become curious about things until they are brought to our attention. For example, I might not care about my friend's love life until I notice she's hanging out with a boy more and more often. If she doesn't talk to me about him, and I suspect she's keeping something from me, AND she leaves her cell phone out one day... I MIGHT be tempted to look through her text messages and see if there's anything interesting to read. This is just a hypothetical situation, of course, but I think you get the idea. Your mom noticed you weren't talking as much, and she may have noticed other things as well. She then noticed your journal, and suddenly, the idea of snooping around seemed much more appealing than it had previously.

I would either not say anything at all (and keep your journal with you from now on), or say something like, "Hey, Mom, I noticed someone went through my desk drawers yesterday... did you need something?" Don't say "looking for something", because that implies guilt and will make your mother defensive and/or angry. By saying "need something" instead, you're making it very clear that you're aware of her intrusion, but you aren't accusing her of any wrong-doing. Hopefully, that will be enough to discourage her from looking for your journal in the future (but I would still hide it, just in case).

I think something else you might want to consider is opening up to your mom. I know you have your reasons for not wanting to talk to her, and I'm sure they're good ones... but try to imagine what your mom is going through as well. Maybe you could say a few things to ease her mind, or better yet, find a way to talk about what's going on and ask her to help you. That way, she won't feel the need to invade your privacy, and she won't have to worry about her daughter more so than usual.

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good, grief

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