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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Exclamation What To Do? - January 19th 2011, 06:57 PM

So basically, I have a friend called M. She attention seeks and over exaggerates. This is the brief of what she is like.

In year 7 to 9 she had a best friend called J, but then M said that J was a push over and childish (which is why everyone loves J). Then I was reading a past post on this website and M said that J was narrow minded, arrogant and two faced. All because J didn't ask if she could sit with some of our other friends.
Then in year 10 she asked one of my friends, A, if A could come over to her house to help build a scrapbook for J's 15th birthday. In a previous post of M's, she mentioned that SHE made the scrapbook, but there was no mention of A.
In the last few months, A noticed that M only really texted me back, used to stand next me, but ALWAYS moved closer to me (even though I always moved away she never took the hint) and my friend A always stands on my left (like Ant and Dec, with me as Ant and her as Dec) and M would always push in between us to stand inbetween us, literally pushing A away from me.
In the last week, M has completely ignored A. And when we confronted her about it, via text and calls, she denied that she had a problem with A, but even one of our friends L said that she seemed annoyed.
Then, as I've just said, M seemed to have an obession with me. A said at lunch time 'she seems to have an obsession with H (me)' and one of our friends, S, went 'who? M' then went, 'Is it me, or is M a lesbian?' Me and A had been thinking this for quite a while and we've asked M about it and she replied that she had 'sat down and thought about it' but had concluded that she wasn't a lesbian. But we still think she is, or at least bisexual. What should we do?
Over the last two days it has been clearly obvious that M has changed her circle of friends and is now 'best friends' with L. But M keeps butting into L's convesations with unrelated matters. And L has always found M a bit irritating.
Another thing you should know, M attention seeks. For example: M: 'I'm not eating lunch with you.' Silence. A: 'Why?' M: 'I'm going to see miss' 'Miss' is a teacher that M talks to. She tells this teacher pratically everything and we have never been told anything about her personal life. We have only just realised this and it's very annoying because me and A tell her pratically everyhthing. Reading some previous posts on this website, M's brother had physically and verbally abused her in the last two years. He beat her - as in hit her - and apparently swore at her quite a lot. According to J, who was friends with her at this time, M never had any unexplained bruises and we suspect it is just sibling rivalry being blown out of proportion.
We do not know whether to confront her about her attention seeking, lies and sexuality. Please can I have some advice on how to deal with the situation?
Thanks,
Molly!
   
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Re: What To Do? - January 19th 2011, 08:15 PM

In all honesty... I would ignore what M is doing. If you DO decide to confront her about anything, confront her about the attention-seeking, and how it is affecting you (and ONLY you). For example, if standing in-between you and A is bothering you, talk to M about it... but don't talk to her about it because it bothers A or any of your other friends. If they have a problem with M, they can discuss it with her. What goes on between M and your other friends is none of your business.

I would not confront M about her sexuality, because that is generally a very personal matter for people. Again, how would M's being straight, gay, or bisexual be any of your concern? How does it affect your friendship with her? I don't see how it does. If M were to start hitting on you... then obviously, you would want to sit down with her and explain that you're not interested. But aside from that scenario, there is absolutely no reason for you to confront M about her sexuality. In fact, I would be the first to tell S and A that it is none of their business, too.

Maybe M is blowing the physical/verbal abuse out of proportion... or maybe she's not. Again, I don't see how this affects you personally. Also, if M feels more comfortable talking to a teacher about what's going on in her personal life, I think that's something you should respect, and even encourage her to continue talking to that teacher. An older individual can serve as a valuable mentor to a girl like M.

I'm sorry if this response came across as harsh... but in conclusion, I do not believe you should confront M about anything you mentioned in your post (save for the attention-seeking, if it is affecting you personally). Trying to force information out of her, or teaming up with your other friends to get the "truth" out of M, will only result in hurt feelings.





   
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