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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Troubled_Tina Offline
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Unhappy My mother :( - February 4th 2011, 05:02 AM

well long story short my mom had me when she was only 15 and to be honest i feel she hasnt grown up. Sometimes i feel like I'm the adult and its quite difficult and a little frustrating at times.

On top of that she has Multiple Sclerosis and is in a wheelchair because of it. This makes life so much more complex. Now she wants to spend time with me and gets angry with me when i cant. (might i add i work mon-wed, and fri and sat night shift so 12pm-830pm).

She thinks its because i have a boyfriend now but to be honest i think its everything as a whole, basically i have a life now.. I've become an adult and she fails to see this.

She always makes me feel guilty and like crap! Telling me how i dont love her and how she wishes she were dead... i know is imature of her to tell her children that (that includes my little brother whos 13) but i cant help but hurt when she says these things.

She never takes anything seriously and avoids issues which makes it difficult to discuss issues with her. Please help me!!! Am i in the wrong??? should i change?? what do i do?!?!!?!
   
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Re: My mother :( - February 4th 2011, 06:48 PM

No, you're not in the wrong, and no, you shouldn't change. It doesn't sound like your mother is the most reliable parent; therefore, I think it's a good idea to work and save up money for yourself, in case you have to move out and live on your own.

All I can really suggest is that you try communicating with her in different ways, until something sinks in. In my case, it helped to give my mom something she could look at, to see exactly how busy I was. I wrote down a weekly schedule with my work hours, volunteer hours, etc. Once she saw how busy I was, she started to back off a bit (although she never said "sorry" or anything like that =P). Your mom may just be one of those irrational individuals, however, where nothing you say or do will make her happy. =/





   
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Re: My mother :( - February 5th 2011, 07:59 AM

Hmm.. that sounds like a good way to try to get across to her... maybe i will try writing my schedule down so she could see.
Thank you so much!! Heres hoping.
   
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Re: My mother :( - February 6th 2011, 06:36 PM

Hey there,

It sounds like both you and your mum are in a tough situation. She's in the wrong to guilt-trip you and make you feel bad; however, I don't think focusing on just those actions will help either of you come to terms with the problem. Could it be that she is reluctant to let you grow up, because she misses her "little girl"? Obviously you can't hold yourself back just to please her, but maybe addressing her motives and talking to her about them could help you understand why she is like this.

I know it will be difficult to talk to her as you said she doesn't take you seriously, but I do believe you two can solve this by being honest and talking about it. If you can't talk face to face, try writing her a letter and leaving it somewhere she will find it.

You don't need to change; you haven't done anything wrong. It just sounds like your mum is insecure about certain things and might be attention seeking to make herself feel better. I really hope things work out between you both. Just remember that you're an independent adult and you have your own life to lead; don't let her guilt-tripping stop you from being where you want to be.




   
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Re: My mother :( - February 7th 2011, 07:17 AM

thank you, that made me feel a bit better to know i shouldnt feel bad. and i think i will also write out how i feel... dont know why i havent thought of that! thats a good idea so she can hear me out.

Yet, i cant feel sympathy if she is feeling this way because of her missing her "little girl". She was never around when i was little... just since a couple years back when she wa diagnosed with MS.

To be honest, i think if she didnt have this, i would still rarely see her... shes always chose guys over me and my brother... i sincerely feel that in my heart.
   
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