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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Orange_turtle Offline
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Question I'm completely lost now. - February 6th 2011, 12:06 PM

Well i'm safe to say i've clearly joined the bandwagon of teenagers with newly divorced parents. It's just that even though the divorce was finalized the fighting hadn't.
Some quick background info: I'm nearly 17, was 14 when parents separated and 15 when they divorced and I have an older brother who's 15 months older than me who has gone off the tracks since everything has happened.

Currently the situation i'm in, is that I used to stay one week at my dads and the next at my mums, as you can imagine someone attending highschool it can get difficult if you manage to forget things and having take your stuff with you everywhere.

And along with my constantly falling apart family there are even scandals to go with it. One year after separation, I found out I had a half brother who was somewhere around 2 years older than me, from my fathers side. That I can deal with, seeing it's something that happened before I was born, even though it was a shock. However what i've constantly been struggling with is that I used to have a close relationship with my father opposed to my relationship with my mum. For some reason I haven't figured out yet entirely, I always hold some hostility towards my mother as she was young when she had me and still doesn't act like a proper adult. It tends to irritate me no matter how understanding I try to be.


Back to the father issue>> It was 2 years after my parents separation, and I knew that my dad was seeing someone, however my dad is from another country and he goes home often to visit family, obviously recently its more than family. He told me he was bringing her to Australia to live with us. I guess you could say I was naive or just too trusting of my father. However after her arrival just over a year ago, I found out that they were actually married.
Now i'm not sure if anyone else agrees, but the fact that my father got remarried and didn't tell me sorta hurts, even when she was living in the same house. My relationship with my step mother was never good, cause seeing her english was no good, yet after that I held it against my dad and wouldn't improve the relationship and neither would she.

So now the household is always awkward like only one can be around my dad at the same time. And my dad always puts me in an awkward situation as I know he only trusts me with some things, such as how my brother and dad no longer talk and are fighting and no matter how much they try to do something about it, it gets no where, and i'm the only one he can talk to about it. Just today though after my dad went overseas again with his new wife >____> i came home to visit. Honestly I felt like a stranger in my own home. They talk in my dads native language and I only know like your basic phrases so I can understand close to at all. And not only that the vibe I get is like I can go out of my room and sit with everyone without it being awkward. I don't enjoy visiting anymore.
My dad also keeps pestering for me to improve my relationship with her to make it a more family environment. But I just can't bring myself to talk to her. No joke, the only time we talked last time I was there is when I said hello, and goodbye. That's it. I also stayed overnight and she was there the entire time. You can tell that not healthy no matter how it's seen.

Yet I still am unable to do anything about it... So i'm confused as what i'm supposed to do. What sucks even more this is just one of the many things concerning my family issues. This is just the one I can't really talk to with anyone in the family.

If you've read this far i'm amazed. Can someone please shed some light on my situation ;___;
   
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Re: I'm completely lost now. - February 6th 2011, 04:17 PM

It was worth reading, dont sell yourself short.

Divorces and seperations are hard i hear. Some people go down the wrong path when it happens to them. But i am proud that you are keeping yourself together and not falling apart. Scandles on a family can be hard on the younger people like you and your brother. The shocking news of your dad must've been hard, that's what you said.

You also say you can't talk to anyone bout this? I suggest if you dont feel comfortable talking about it like verbally , write it down on a piece of paper. Give it to your dad and if he shows this to your step mom maybe she'll be understanding and you could possible get over the hills and obstacles and build that relationship with that step mom. I think what's holding you back is your mom. You say you dont get a long with her at all and that's completely understandable. I dont get along too well with my mom either. I think when you dont have that bonding or good realtionship with your mom it affects other relationships with step mom's . Or it could just be you're not comfortable with it like you said earlier.

This will take time to get use to, and you just gotta be patient and just talk to someone. Take baby steps. That's all your dad is asking.

(: I hope i helped some. I'm kind of jumpy on these comments and some people find it hard to keep up lol .
Pm me anytime if you have questions, concerns or if you just want to talk! I'd be happy to help you! (:


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Re: I'm completely lost now. - February 8th 2011, 12:18 AM

Hello, Orange_Turtle. =D Welcome to TeenHelp!

When my dad re-married, my relationship with my stepmother wasn't very good. Whenever he tried to play "referee" and "fix" our relationship, he just tended to make things even more awkward. What helped in my case (and hopefully will in yours as well) was asking my stepmother to join me for coffee. We sat down together, just the two of us, and talked about everything - my dad/her husband, school, work, interests/hobbies, etc. We never became close (she had untreated bipolar disorder), but we did manage to stay in the same room without feeling like we had to pretend the other person didn't exist. =) Try to take your father out of the equation and deal with your stepmother one-on-one.





   
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Re: I'm completely lost now. - February 8th 2011, 08:24 AM

Thankyou both for your replies!

I really think advice from someone not involved at all is better, cause they always tend to mix feelings.

I'll try what you suggested next time I visit. *Hopefully soon* (:
   
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