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Angry Should I just blow it off? - February 7th 2011, 08:07 AM

I met one of my really good friends, Steph, at a karaeoke bar a couple years ago. We grew super close, hanging out and talking all the time.

But ever since she met her boyfriend of a year, Chris, things have changed. I know that when you have someone new in your life, things do change. I've even done it myself. But, she's turned into a bitch towards me sometimes. Like the reason for my thread.

Her birthday is coming up at the end of the month and she was planning a birthday party and I, of course, was invited. I told her there was a possibility that I couldn't make it, since my car was broken down and have no money to fix it at the present time. I know she was probably disappointed but she understood.

On Thursday, after my boyfriend picked me up for the weekend, he told me that the annual Military Ball was that same weekend. I'm not one to turn down an awesome time with my Army family, and since this is our last one with this great group of people, I don't want to miss it. Tonight, I recieved her invite via facebook which confirmed the two events are on the same night. I quickly replied I would not be attending her party and wrote her a message letting her know. She didn't even give me a chance to explain why, and blew me off, just saying that she was mad at me.

I understand why she is mad of course, so I just said I'd text her later, which I did. We got into talking, and it quickly escalated into an argument. She started saying I was a bad friend, and always had been. She even gave me an ultimatum, and I quote "Heres the deal either your at my party or were not friends. im tired of you blowing me off. theres always an excuse with you. if you don't have a ride, we'll come and get you". I replied back that I guess we aren't friends anymore. Not only because of the events taking place, but because of the way she was acting and her reaction to the whole thing.

The Army is a huge part of my life, even though I am not a service woman. I am a girlfriend and I stand beside my solider 100%.

I don't know if I should just blow her off completely and end the friendship, or if we should try to work it out? Saying I was always a bad friend hurt me, and I just don't know what I should do. Someone help! Any advice is appreciated.
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 7th 2011, 09:58 AM

To be honest, I think your friend is in the right (except for the ultimatum). She invited you to her birthday party and you gave some excuse saying you couldn't go and by the sounds of it didn't really make an effort to see if anything could be arranged for you to be there. But then you get invited to something else, which you're able to go to? and it doesn't sound like it's the first time something similar has happened.
You should appologise to her and try to work things out, and next time a situation like this arises you should say something like 'I'm awfully sorry, but [so and so] has come up and it's the last time I'll be able to do it so if you don't mind I'm going to do this instead' and I'm sure she'd of taken it much better x.x
   
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 7th 2011, 03:54 PM

I said before, I am part of the Army thing and it comes first. She knew there was a possibility I wasn't going to come. I wasn't going to go since I didn't have a ride in the first place, and knew her "precious" boyfriend wouldn't come pick me up even if she begged him too.

I tried apologizing to her, and we were getting somewhere last night but she had to go because she's been sick.

This "thing" just didn't come up. I've known it was coming, as it happens ANNUALLY. It just happens to fall on her birthday party. I don't think it's that big of a deal to miss it, since she's going to have like, I don't know, 50 MORE of them and she has missed plenty of my birthdays.
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 7th 2011, 04:32 PM

Honestly, I can see both sides. So what if there are 50 more people? If you're best friends, having you there obviously means more than those 50 other people. I'd be upset if my friends did that, especially if they made other plans. You said it happens annually. Does it always fall on her birthday party? Even if you don't think it's a big deal, it might be to her. How old is she turning?

I don't, however, think an ultimatum was the right choice for her to make. But it sounds like she's just frustrated. I think you should try to work this out, and listen to her without getting offended.



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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 7th 2011, 07:13 PM

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Originally Posted by shannonashley View Post
I said before, I am part of the Army thing and it comes first. She knew there was a possibility I wasn't going to come. I wasn't going to go since I didn't have a ride in the first place, and knew her "precious" boyfriend wouldn't come pick me up even if she begged him too.

I tried apologizing to her, and we were getting somewhere last night but she had to go because she's been sick.

This "thing" just didn't come up. I've known it was coming, as it happens ANNUALLY. It just happens to fall on her birthday party. I don't think it's that big of a deal to miss it, since she's going to have like, I don't know, 50 MORE of them and she has missed plenty of my birthdays.
So? Did you give her any warning that her birthday might clash? and you said it's a yearly thing so you've obviously been to it before.
And so what if you're party of the Army thing? I'm part of a community that has a few weekends a year, and a few annual things, but I'll miss them for important things with my friends, it just sounds like you're making excuses to be honest.
   
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 7th 2011, 09:00 PM

I'm not making excuses. It usually doesn't fall on her birthday, but around the same day. She doesn't have her birthday parties on the same day every year.

Excuses aren't my thing, and my friends mean a great deal to me.

But, so does the Army. It's mandatory that I go, and she knows that, yet she still got pissed off. I tried telling her that her and I could do something, just the two of us, the weekend after the event and her birthday party. But, she still wouldn't have it. She even brought my boyfriend into the argument and he doesn't have anything to do with it.

Sadly to say, we continued our conversation today and we are no longer friends. It's not exactly a huge loss for me. I never seen her to begin with. And, she expects to much out of people. I also got wind of the fact that she would talk about me behind my back and even told her boyfriend that I cheat on mine. As a friend, she shouldn't be spreading rumors about me if she were supposed to be a true friend.

I understand why she's upset, but why give me an ultimatum? It's not right and I'd never do that to any of my friends if they couldn't make my birthday. Sure, I'd be upset but I'd get over it. It's not really that big of a deal when I see my friends all of the time anyway. I tried making plans for another weekend and she just didn't get her way. She's full of drama and I don't need that in my life.
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 7th 2011, 09:05 PM

From all of your posts I can conclude you really didn't care about her, and that's pretty obvious from how you've been, so there really wasn't a need for you to make such a big deal out of it.
   
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 7th 2011, 11:57 PM

She shouldn't have given you an ultimatum but I would probably be annoyed if someone blew of my birthday because they got a better offer.

I don't understand why you say it's mandatory to go. You're not in the Army. Clearly it isn't.

If I were you I'd apologise but tell her that making ultimatums aren't helping anyone.


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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 8th 2011, 12:39 AM

My father is in the USMC... so I understand how important it is for military wives/girlfriends to attend the annual ball with their partners. Most people don't understand how important it is unless you "live and breathe" the military life.

I don't think it was right for your friend to deliver an ultimatum. I also don't think it was right for you to "take the bait" and say you're no longer friends as a result of her reaction to the bad news. She had every right to be upset. I would give her a call and explain that you wish you could go, but as a "military girlfriend", you have an obligation to attend the formal event with your boyfriend. Offer to see her the following day, or the day before. Basically, do whatever you can to make it up to her - if you value your friendship with her. Because frankly, if one of my friends backed out and didn't come to my birthday party, I'd be bummed and would want to see them on another day around my birthday.

If she delivers an ultimatum again, say that you aren't going to choose between her and your boyfriend, because you feel a compromise can be reached. It's hard for someone to argue when they've been given such a mature response to an immature statement.





   
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 8th 2011, 04:15 PM

I did care about her a lot. She's just one of those girls who has to have everything her way, or no way at all, hence the "Either you come to my party or we aren't friends". This isn't the first time she's acted this way towards me, or other friends of hers. She tends to talk about other people and then act as if there was nothing wrong in the first place.

I don't want to continue my friendship with her for other reasons. Like, last night, for instance. She called me and since I was watching a basketball game on TV with my boyfriend, I didn't answer. Five minutes later, I get a message saying I had a new voicemail and on it, she was accusing me of prank calling her. I didn't even call her all day. So, as not to interupt my boyfriend watching the game, I sent her a text saying I had no idea what she was talking about.

She said that the calls came from my number. From what I understand from before, she has other Shannon's in her phone, so I think she was just making up an excuse to call me and start more problems. I've decided to blow it off and not speak to her for a while.

And PSY, your right. She doesn't understand. She was discharged from the military after a back problem during basic training (or so she says. I didn't believe her before). She should know what it's like for me, as an Army girlfriend to have an obligation to attend. Not only do I want to attend, I have too. I live and breath for the military, as I do a lot for them, even if I'm not a part of it, technically.

This is the last time I'm going to see the great group of men and woman I have become friends with over the years due to graduations, and my guys getting stationed all over the country and the world. It means a lot to me to see them before we all part ways. Might not be for good, but you know what I mean.

And to whoever said it wasn't mandatory, unfortunately, your wrong. It is mandatory for girlfriends to attend with their partner. Seeing as a lot of cadre and other higher up persons are going to be there, we must attend.

I wish she would have been more understanding about it, and I did try to make other plans for the weekend after, as that weekend is hard for me to get out to where she lives (she moved quite a ways away so I can't just rent a car to go and visit her, seeing as my vehicle is no longer in service). I would at least have a week to find a ride out to her, or to get some money to take the train to get to her.

I'm tired of her spreading rumors about me, when I said nothing wrong about her in the first place. And, I know she has every right to be upset with me, but I have every right to be upset with her. The rumors, the accusations (not just about the phone calls I never made).
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 8th 2011, 11:09 PM

Is it truly mandatory? I mean, what would happen if you didn't go, or left early to make it to both things? Earlier you said you just "weren't one to pass up an awesome time"

I say give it time, and maybe you can try again.



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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 9th 2011, 03:09 AM

Yes, it is mandatory. I don't know what exactly would happen if I didn't attend, as I've never had that problem before. I've attended the two years (this is my third).

As for leaving early, I will be downtown Chicago, and having to drive like another two hours in the opposite direction. So, I wouldn't be able to leave early. I have no way of getting there, as I've mentioned several times before in previous posts.

As for the passing up an awesome time thing, Stephanie is turning 22, I'm only 20. I'd be able to go to dinner and then I'd have to come home so they can go to a bar. It would be a waste of time for me to drive out there for an hour or two to come back home for the rest of the night when I could have made an all day trip out of it another time.
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 9th 2011, 04:14 AM

Ah. I definitely see your point. I realized after that you said it would be too far to go to both, but I was too lazy to edit Yeah, I say (if you still want to be her friend) just give her some time to cool down.



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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 9th 2011, 07:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by shannonashley View Post
And to whoever said it wasn't mandatory, unfortunately, your wrong. It is mandatory for girlfriends to attend with their partner. Seeing as a lot of cadre and other higher up persons are going to be there, we must attend.
Look, from what you've said this dinner is clearly more important to you than your friend's birthday, and a big part of your life. I understand that, and it's great that this dinner is a priority to you.

But saying it is mandatory for you to go is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Perhaps it's mandatory for your partner to go, but not for you. That's just silly.

Maybe your friend's annoyed because she has enough common sense to realize it isn't mandatory and thinks you're lying to her (instead of you just being misinformed).


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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 9th 2011, 10:34 AM

Sweetie, I'm not misinformed. I spoke with SGM (Sergeant Major) and he has told me it is mandatory for me to attend. I hate repeating myself, and I'm not going to do it again after this, so here it goes: IT IS MANDATORY!

And Chaos, we decided to end our friendship. Probably for other reasons, this included of course, but I think it was a long time coming. She talked about me behind my back, and always chose herself over me too. Or, her boyfriend over me. Hoes before bros? Doesn't work that way for chicks sometimes.

I wish things worked out for my friendship with her, but they just didn't. I hardly ever seen her after she moved out to bufu, and with no car, I couldn't just make plans to see her on the off chance I got to borrow someone's car (which is never to begin with, thanks insurance companies!).

What's done is done, and maybe I'll try to work it out with her later, but I'm not sure.
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 9th 2011, 12:39 PM

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Sweetie, I'm not misinformed. I spoke with SGM (Sergeant Major) and he has told me it is mandatory for me to attend. I hate repeating myself, and I'm not going to do it again after this, so here it goes: IT IS MANDATORY!
Sorry, but how can it be mandatory for you to go? For one, you're not in the army and for seconds you're not even married to him so you have no official ties ties to him, you're just trying to make yourself feel better about this by making up some lame excuse...
   
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 9th 2011, 01:36 PM

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Sweetie, I'm not misinformed. I spoke with SGM (Sergeant Major) and he has told me it is mandatory for me to attend. I hate repeating myself, and I'm not going to do it again after this, so here it goes: IT IS MANDATORY!
Sweetie, that is complete and utter BS whether it's coming from you or your boyfriend's Sergeant.

Let me put it this way. If a soldier's partner was sick, what do you think would happen? Do you think she would be fined? Do you think they would arrest her? If you went to your friend's birthday instead, do you think you would get kicked out of the military? Oh wait, that's right... you aren't in the military.

If a soldier goes on a date with a girl one week before this dinner, is he contractually obligated to bring her? Who decides what is 'serious enough'? What if she hasn't 'put out'? Will there be an investigation to see just how 'serious' it is, and if it's discovered it's more than a casual fling, will they both be arrested for lying about it?

If a soldier and his partner have a fight, does the partner still have to go, fearing punishment of death?

By the way, when did the military get the power to order civillians to go to military events?

I won't repeat this again, so hear it goes: STOP BEING RIDICULOUS! IT'S NOT MANDATORY!


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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 9th 2011, 07:27 PM

Let's try to keep things civil, guys. The main question isn't whether or not the event is mandatory. The main question (as stated in the first post) is "if [she] should just blow her [friend] off completely and end the friendship, or if [they] should try to work it out".





   
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 9th 2011, 09:15 PM

Thank you PSY. And I'm sure if one of the girlfriends or wives (since some of the guys are married and their wives are living with them on campus apartments) were sick, they'd understand. However, I'm not sick and will be attending.

Right now, my friend isn't worth my time. Why should I go to her party because she is FORCING me to choose. That just makes me not want to go to her party at all.

Regardless, I didn't appreciate everyone getting pissed off at me, and acting all retarded because I made a decision to not go to my friends party. This is teenhelp.org, not teenjudge.org. If your looking for that, make your own website.

This thread can be closed. I have nothing more to discuss.
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Re: Should I just blow it off? - February 9th 2011, 10:19 PM

Closing this thread, as the issue has been resolved.





   
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