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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Post New friends. - February 11th 2011, 04:35 PM

Hello


I just started this class at college and the people there were really nice to me and joked around alot with me but the thing is i've had friends before and lost them plus these people smoke and are loud, what's your advice? i don't want to be used again and i don't want to smoke or have friends who treat others badly


Also what is your advice on making new friends with people you've never spoken to before?

Thanks

   
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Re: New friends. - February 11th 2011, 06:12 PM

Hello hello! =)

Well, you said you *just* started this class... so maybe you should give yourself more time to get to know these people. You wouldn't want people to make judgments about you before they knew everything, right? So smoking and loudness aside, why don't you hang out with them one of these weekends and see if they have other positive qualities that would outweigh the negative qualities. =D If you really like them, maybe you could just request they don't smoke when you're around, and some great friendships will develop as a result! If you still don't like them, then at least you gave it a shot, and you'll eventually find other people who are more to your liking.





   
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Re: New friends. - February 11th 2011, 11:14 PM

I agree with PSY.
But, also, since you don't want these possible new friends to judge you, don't judge them. Your judging them by saying they smoke and are loud, and making it seem like it's a bad thing. While smoking isn't good for you, and loud people can be annoying at times, that's their choice to ruin their lungs by smoking....and screaming for that matter.
Take some time to hang out with them outside of class. You will find qualities that you like and that you don't like, and if they truly are people that have different interests than you, then stay away.
Try finding a club to join where people share your same interests. I joined the bowling team, and enjoyed it a lot, and bowled for 4 years, and have met life long friends thanks to that. I even talk to my coach regularly.
Just give them a shot. They might not be as bad as you think.











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Re: New friends. - February 12th 2011, 12:11 AM

Ok I am seriously in the saaame position as you. I sadly have lost friends that were dear to me but just didn't treat me right. So, I had to let go and am STILL working on letting go of this current friend I use to have. So anyway to answer your first question.

If these people smoke and do things that you know you aren't comfortable with, then please do yourself a favor and don't even bother to get to know them. Because, you start to become what you surround yourself with its true. The things that other people do can have an impact on you and you have to be strong and not go with the current that they are swimming in. You know what kind of person you are and trust me there are so many other people out there that are worth meeting. Yeah sure it's your first day but that's the time when you need to be on your guard and realize who you surround yourself with. Now if you are a strong person and you feel you can handle the fact that they are loud and smoke then I would say go for it. But if you arn't really into that don't hang out with them, nothing against them. I just hate to see people change who they are for the morals of others. Like with me I know I hate weed so, I don't get that close to people that smoke, im still cordial to them but I'm at a distance with it you get me? So maybe try that, and see how it works for you and. Plus if you hang with the wrong crowd others will automatically judge you, and they will think you act like them as well. Which sometimes makes making friends harder, cause they assume you act like them when YOU know that, that is not in any way the truth.

Those two people that responded to you have an excellent point, yeah don't judge its never to good to judge and to get to know other people. But if you're not comfortable then don't push yourself into doing it. But if you want to get to know them then go for it and if they are not your type of crowd then like shannonashley said stay away.

Now as for making new friends, I agree with her although I don't do this. I need to haha cause it really does help. But join clubs that you are interested in and do activities outside of school that involve other people. Get to know them and don't be afraid to go up and say hi and start a conversation. That basically is the best way to meet new people. Well I hope this helped and good luck with finding new friends if you need any advice request me. or write me. bye

xoxo- StarsAlignFinally
   
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Re: New friends. - February 12th 2011, 02:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by StarsAlignFinally View Post
If these people smoke and do things that you know you aren't comfortable with, then please do yourself a favor and don't even bother to get to know them.
I completely disagree with this!
By saying this, she is judging them and that's what she is hoping that these people aren't doing, so why should she feel free to say bad things about them?
If they smoke, she doesn't have to smoke. Peer pressure can be hard, but that's just a reason not to get to know them.
Don't judge people because of the decisions they make in their life. It's their life and they can do as they wish with it, just as you can do as you with yours.

I'm a smoker, and don't like being judged for smoking. All of my friends understand that smoking is an addiction and it's not easy to quit and they've stuck by my side through my decision to start smoking, and my decisions to cut back on my smoking.

Don't judge a book by it's cover. You will never know what these people are like until you get to know them. Think of the smoking a minor setback. It doesn't make them bad people.











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Re: New friends. - February 12th 2011, 09:02 AM

I've been used before and find it hard to trust people so that's why i'm abit like this. I'm still depressed after losing friends and being used before i just don't want it to happen again. I was with these people at lunch they didn't bully me but sometimes i find it hard to speak up in a group and one of them was abit bossy? (i sound a right bitch) but hopefully you's do understand!
   
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Re: New friends. - February 12th 2011, 04:27 PM

Well, bitchy girls are never fun to deal with. She could possibly be one of those girls who don't like adding new people into a group. And, it's hard for anyone to speak up in a group like that.
I'm sorry that friends have used you in the past, and that explains your trust issues. But, your new to this school or class, and your chances of meeting other people will be great, all year! Friends come and go sometimes. I haven't met a single person who has the same friends as they did in grade school (I only have two friends I still hang out with since grade school, and only because we were like sisters growing up).
Take things slow. Your not going to get to know these people in just one day. Continue to eat lunch with them and see if there are other things you don't like. Don't be afraid to speak up like they do. If they truly want to be your friend, then they'll listen.











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