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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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sister affecting mom relationship - February 19th 2011, 08:39 PM

within the past 7 months my view of my sister changed dramatically. we had never had problems, she's in her mid-20s and i'm 16. Now my sister is exsactly what you shouldn't do with your life (the perfect example) she has a boyfriend whom she can't marry because he's an immagrant, a very bad case of depression that's gotten worst over the years because of all the medication, and a horrible temper, she can't manage her money at all, it all goes to that man of hers who spends it on drugs or cell phones (he then loses) hardly any of it goes to her two kids (two year old, 1 year old.) so she comes to my parents for money. I never realized what a mess she was, i always respected her until 7 months ago when a very of events took place. First event: she asked my mom to babysit her kids so that she could go to the emergency room, my dad went to pick up her kids and my mom but my mom decided to stay. then my sister left her there thinking she'd gone with my dad. although it wasn't entirely her fault, partly my mom's i blame my sister for the way she handled it. she called my dad requesting her car keys (which she had given to my mom). that triggered my dad who's sick (diabetes, cholestrol, high blood pressure) It being 10 at night, he was angry and took it all out on me. we went out to look for her (my mom) and our car broke down, when we couldn't find her, we went back home to see if she was there, then went to my sisters for help. instead of helping us she told us off. mostly me because i didnt' want her to yell at my dad and make things worst, so i turned the attention on me. eventually my other sister found her and brought her home.
Second event: I saw her on my birthday and she turned to my friend and said hi to him, she saw me but was just being childish.
Last event: now this event has history in it... when i was in the 6th grade her dumb boyfriend tried kissing me She came to the house and accused me of having had hit on her boyfriend or seduced him

All in all it just hurts that i didn't do anything to trigger any of these things, Worst than that, i was counting on my mom to stand up for me which she didn't. Instead she defends my sister's actions and I'd forgive her if she'd just stop pretending nothing happened.

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Re: sister affecting mom relationship - February 21st 2011, 07:37 AM

Hey there.

You have every right to be disappointed in your sister for not being more responsible; however, it seems like you're ANGRY at your sister because of a few unfortunate events. I'm curious... why aren't you angry at your father or mother? They're the ones who haven't been treating you right, by yelling at you and generally giving you a hard time when you did nothing wrong. I understand that your sister may have caused these conflicts... but is she the ONLY reason behind these conflicts? Would your father still get wound up over stuff if he was dealing with other problems? Would your mother still be hard on you if she was dealing with other problems?

Overall, I feel it would be best to sit down with each of your family members (including your sister), one at a time, and having an honest discussion with them. Try to avoid accusing them of doing things wrong... that will just put them on the defensive, and you won't get anywhere if that happens. Inside, try expressing how you feel, then ask them to share how they're feeling as well. Together, hopefully, you can all try to fix your relationships.

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Re: sister affecting mom relationship - February 21st 2011, 08:58 PM

thank you i never looked at it in that way

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