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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Angry Tired of my brother hating me - February 26th 2011, 10:44 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

my brother has always been so disrespectful towards me and i do nothing but show him respect, and no matter what i do he is always treating me like crap, yesterday i was washing some of my dishes after nick had left the kitchen and he took the kitchen sponge with him, he co9mes back demanding me to give him the faucet handle(you know the ones that you can pull out and use to wash the sink and they are on a chain tube thing) and i said "nick i am busy washing my dishes i am almost done so you can wait" he's all well i need to do this and was out my cup so you can wait" i said "nick no i am using the sink right now you need to wait" out opf nowhere nick grabs the faucet and twists my wrist nearly breaking it and yanks the faucet out of my hand. nick laughed at me crying in pain. he has once said to me "you deserve to be in pain" he has threatend to hit me and hurt me, he is constantly teasting and bullying me i can't get through a story of what happened to me during my day without him turning everything in my life or about my day into a joke, then everybody thinks its funny. i am constantly telling my parents about this but they refuse to do anything about nicks behaviour, i am so close to self harming again, if my parents don't talk to him( i do not care if he is 21 whole he is under their roof he needs to fo,low the same rules i do) i will have to get my therapist involved. i refuse to put up with this anymore it needs to end. i have tried talking to nick but it doesnt work, so i am giving up, its not my job to tell nick to not hurt me, its my parents job to inforce the rules that he is NOT allowed to hurt me in any way, andthat he needs to respect me and be nice to me since i respect him. i am so sick of this, i really need advice, what to i tell my parents when they refuse to believe me and constantly take his side.


I was born with a genetic disorder called neurofibromatosis, it causes tumors to grow in my body on nerves,my spine,and under my skin. I have a tumor in the thalamus region of my brain. I also have heartburn,hypothyroidism and secondary adrenal insufficiency these are under control with medication.
I also have hip dysplasia and scoliosis.




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Re: Tired of my brother hating me - February 27th 2011, 12:16 AM

hey ashley, im sorry your bro is being this way with you. I have and older brother too and he can be a total jerk at times. Have you ever tried going along with his jokes when hes bashing on you? i know that might sound wierd but if my bro is callin me names i just laugh and say hes wierd. (kill him with kindness i think its called?) He tends to respond to that better than me gettin upset over it. Maybe give that a try? i have other ideas if that dont work


"One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering." -Ida Scott Taylor
   
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Re: Tired of my brother hating me - February 27th 2011, 03:40 AM

If someone wants to literally dominate by doing whatever they want to someone, one thing that is typical is the victim doesn't fight back or if they do, it's no where near enough. You're 19 and he's 21 so I presume this is going on for years. If he's threatened to hit you but never has before, he probably knows that a verbal threat is sufficient. In the situation you described, it's not something you'd think he would end up doing to you and you opposed him quite well in every way without bashing the dishes on his head. If most situations go like this, he probably knows he'll get what he wants because once he hurts you, you may not fight back.

But just a few questions, does he act like this to friends and other family members (parents or any other siblings, if you have)? If and when he does act like this, has he ever gone through with the threats he says or is it mostly verbal then a brief amount of physical? Has he gotten in trouble for his actions, either at school, with the law, with parents, etc...? Have you ever given him a threat, even if you weren't planning to carry it through, and if so, did it work in your favour? Lastly, does he act this way when there are others watching, such as his friends, your friends, family, etc...?

What many people say, including myself, if someone is physically hurting you, is to learn some self-defense as a possible way of bettering yourself. It doesn't sound right though to think you'd need self-defense against a brother who lives in the same house as you do. But nevertheless, if he does his stuff, have you been immediately aggressive to him like he is to you? You may not like doing it but it's a way of standing up against him.

I'll be quite honest with you though, if someone in my parents' house or in the rest of the family did this to a female member of the family, chances are there would be 2 hospital/doctor visits during the chat that would occur. If not, they'd want to run to you and begin apologizing. If a non-member of the family did this to a female/male member of the family, it'd be in their best interests to run out the door. Point is, if you tell someone, whether it be another friend or family member, even a neighbour, assuming you have evidence, it generally isn't taken lightly.


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Re: Tired of my brother hating me - February 27th 2011, 05:43 PM

he has physicallyhurt me in the past and left me with serious bruises, and i am never agressive towards him when we were kids we would play fight whenever we got along and that was the only time i was ever agressive towards him, he used to have a serious temper to the point where my mom had o hold him down until he calmed down because he was hurting himself. and he never acts the way he does whenever people are around, although he has yelled at our mother over silly things making her cry, and i can tell that whenever he would get mad at her over stupid things his words hurt her, so after he would leave i wold tell her that he shouldnt treat her that way. i dont know maybe my mom is afraid of him and yes i have threatened him but i stopped doing that a long time ago, i did it maybe twice, and it didnt work at all he just laughed at me, and he has hit me before in places he isnt supposed to like on a tumor that was in my arm many years ago. he has acted out agressivly once before in front of my mom, my brother thought it would be funny to spray compressed air into my eye, he caused me to have a mircoscopic scratch on my eye. he's gotten a speeding ticket before but never any serious trouble with the law, just the ticket, i am in constant fear of him hurting me, i have even had dreams of him beating our mom and myself, nick my brother always had serious temper issues growing up and still does every now and then but medication has straightened him out and he has picked on me and been agressive in front of family friends before and that was during the sink faucet incident. and i strongly agree with you about the self defense i have pepper spray and i know how to kick a guy where it counts and i know how to gouge out eyes, if it ever came to that. i have told my parents that if i ever have to i will be calling thed police although they did ask me to call them first, i said i would but if its ever a seriou situation then i will just be calling the police if i ever have to, i may get into trouble but if need be i will use the moves i know and even my pepper spray to defend myself to temporarily disable him.
honestly i am tired of living in fear and the next time i see my therapist i will be talking to her about what needs to be done and have her talk to my parents.


I was born with a genetic disorder called neurofibromatosis, it causes tumors to grow in my body on nerves,my spine,and under my skin. I have a tumor in the thalamus region of my brain. I also have heartburn,hypothyroidism and secondary adrenal insufficiency these are under control with medication.
I also have hip dysplasia and scoliosis.




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Re: Tired of my brother hating me - February 27th 2011, 09:36 PM

You said medication worked to calm his anger down before? That would be prescription medications so has he seen a mental health professional and if so, what did they say? You can tell your therapist and maybe your therapist would talk to your parents, possibly recommend he also does therapy.

It sounds similar to my friend. He has a smaller brother and they don't exactly get along all too well. His brother would do some of these things to him and my friend would react. Eventually, he stopped reacting in a way that provoked him. His brother attended some adult karate and self-defense classes, still acting out. Shortly afterward, people got pissed off and when they had to spar him (practice fighting with rules), some of them intentionally gave him some rather hard shots. Point is, has your brother ever tried enrolling in martial arts? I know it may seem like it'd fuel the fire but you won't find martial arts classes that tolerate his behaviour, if he does it there, even if they see he does it to you there, some may not tolerate it. If he acted out to them, either he'd get booted out or he could truly feel how a strong strike/throw feels like. If the class involves jui-jitsu, a common thing to do is to keep the submission in place for a few seconds more (i.e. for chokes) even after he has tapped.

I won't advise you on whether or not to call the police but one thing to remember is you are his sister and he's been doing this to you for some time so you may get asked "why did you report him only now?".

About kicking him down there, it would stop him briefly but guys don't like getting kicked down there so just be aware that it may make him even more angry. If you do try and he blocks it or gets hit but is still able to go at you, it could turn into an ugly brawl.

Have you considered taking self-defense classes? Pepper spray can work but if you don't have it, then from what you've said, he's going to end up hurting you. However, if you have some knowledge of self-defense, when he tries something, you can react properly. The ideal result is he will feel pain and will stop what he's doing without any of you needing to see a doctor. When I use them not when I was practicing but when I had to, the joint locks are painful in the first place and if the person resists, it gets even more painful so they usually stop. If they strike me, I'm usually in a position to give a strike a hell of a lot stronger.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
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