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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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alexandrish Offline
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am I that anti-social? - March 3rd 2011, 03:33 PM

well I think about this because one of my friend... today cornered me and asking why am I so anti-social...??

she thinks that because I wasn't the type to stay around the college ground in the middle of the break...(when I said break... it is from 11 am- 2 pm)
then I didn't use blackberry...(because the reason she found out because I had been "the talk" between my college mates' blackberry messenger.. and they didn't use nice words too

and yeah.. I just didn't go to their "group" because I just can't stand the smoke.... (70% of students here are boys.... and most of them smoke all the time) that's why I go to another "group" and I feel fine with that.....

but what irk me the most is the way she said.. that I am an anti-social.... what is anti-social?? and mostly.. what should I do???


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: am I that anti-social? - March 3rd 2011, 03:39 PM

Anti social is when you avoid people or talking to people and just stay on your own.
I get called this a lot so i understand, i find it very annoying as sometimes you just want to be away from people.
Explain to you friend about what you have said here and that you are uncomfortable and being around them sometimes. It doesn't meam that you're antisocial.
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Charli :-)


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: am I that anti-social? - March 3rd 2011, 05:15 PM

Iris,

If I was to be completely truthful with you, I don't think you're anti social.

Quote:
  • Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
  • Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
  • Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
  • Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
  • Reckless disregard for safety of self or others
  • Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
  • Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another
http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-pe04.html

To me, it doesn't seem like you have any of this. Being anti social, and not being AS social as others are two completely different things. Maybe you don't party as much, or talk as much, or go out as much. That's just who you are, and it's ok to be that way. But not having a Blackberry, or not wanting to be around smokers doesn't make you anti social. I think that you should talk to your friend about that, because their definition seems extremely skewed. Explain to your friend what you explained here. Exlain you don't hang around as much. Maybe she will understand.

As for the other group you are talking about. You see, hanging out with two diferent groups in no way makes you anti social. It sounds like you are social, just a bit quieter then others. You're lucky because you can alternate groups when the other one is doing something that you don't like. Just remember that you don't have to prove anything to your friends. They should already get it, and should realize that the way you act is just simply how you are. :]

Take care,
-Lyndsee<3


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Re: am I that anti-social? - March 3rd 2011, 07:06 PM

Like Lyndsee said, there is a difference between being anti-social (or having Antisocial Personality Disorder) and being non-social or less sociable. Some people are social butterflies, some people are wallflowers, and some people are a little bit of both. There is nothing wrong with being ANYWHERE on that spectrum, so long as you are HAPPY! =)





   
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Re: am I that anti-social? - March 3rd 2011, 11:54 PM

People confuse the term anti-social with asocial. Anti-social means you're "anti" against the social norms in such a way where it may harm others and anti to the emotional processing others are capable of in social settings. Asocial means you're more to yourself and prefer it that way.


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Re: am I that anti-social? - March 4th 2011, 07:28 PM

I think the others did a great job of explaining, but I want to let you know, I understand how you are feeling. I get called Anti- Social all the time but ya know, that could be true. But I think you could just have times that you don't want to interact with people as much as the others. I don't think you are anti social at all, you just have times you would prefer to be by yourself. I think people with different personalities are different. Don't fret too much about this. I think you are just fine. Feel free to PM me if you need anything!

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Re: am I that anti-social? - March 6th 2011, 09:36 PM

While it's great that we have established the correct and proper meaning behind the term "anti-social", the point still remains. Your friend was calling you out on your preference to not spend as much time with them and partake in social norms (Gatherings etc). Yeah, I think thats fair enough. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to have a chat to a friend and ask "Hey mate, is everything alright, we've noticed you're not being as social?" which is alright, there's nothing malicious about that at all. Sure, it can get a bit awkward, but thats fine.

What is malicious, is when you find out that they are using social technology (Chat rooms) to talk shit about you. There's a difference between talking about a person, and talking behind their back. Saying cruel things about a person in the privacy of a chat room is not cool. Iris: 0 Friends: -1

Choosing to not hang out because you don't like smoking is a good choice. Thats called standing up for yourself and your own health. Thats not "anti-social". Smoking is "anti-social". Iris: 1 Friends: -1

Somebody who has to "corner" and confront you, just because you left their social group for another one, well, thats just rude. Iris: 1 Friends: -2

Do you understand what I'm saying? You're not a social person. You sound like an introvert. Thats fine, being an introvert with integrity is better than an extrovert with a bad attitude.

Rock on with your badass self. Enjoy hanging out with your new friends.

Cheers,

- Duty
   
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Re: am I that anti-social? - March 8th 2011, 02:04 PM

thank you guys...
but it's just.. I find in hard when I try to talk with other..... because I don't know.....

I am the type that hard to strike a conversation....


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Re: am I that anti-social? - March 8th 2011, 08:02 PM

Well, how do you typically start off a conversation? "Hello, I'm So-and-So, how are you?" will only get you that far. The reply to something like that is generally, "Fine, and you?" then the conversation dies. If you want to meet new people (and keep talking to them for more than a few seconds), you need to find something a little more interesting to open up with.

For example, if you're attending a club for a first time, you could approach someone and say that you're new, and ask them if they could tell you more about the club, some of the members, etc. If you're sitting next to someone in class, start asking questions about the material, ask them what they think of the professor, etc. If you're sitting somewhere random, look around and comment on something interesting you see!

No, it's not easy to start conversations... but it's not impossible, either. It just takes a lot of practice and a lot of patience. And don't forget to ask your current friends for help - they can always introduce you to THEIR friends, which makes things a bit easier when you first start talking.





   
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