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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tirevo92 Offline
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Little sister and college - March 12th 2011, 01:51 AM

So this last year was my first year at college and i chose a school several hours away from home. my 10 year old little sister has been taking it pretty badly, apparently she cries all the time and its really bad after i leave from a visit.

she's a good kid and all, thinks a bit differently than others, is a huge tomboy and very creative/artsy. i did quite a lot raising her, my parents both work from early morning and come home at 6pm at the latest, so she'd be with me and my brother a lot. i'd drive her to her sports and such, but as the years went on my "babysitting" her became me locking myself in my room and her goofing off with my brother all the time. I didn't hang out with her the last 4 years; I would only come out of my room to eat and break up fights between her and my brother. I suppose she was grateful for that because he does like to pick on her a lot... but it was never any quality time. I'm not proud of it but im being honest, I rarely spent any time with my little sister.

so im baffled when i come home and she wants to spend all this time with me. i dont even know what to do with her. she's gotten really clingy and pasted my senior pictures on my wall by her bed, she's begged to go with me almost everytime we leave the house, and she's tried to talk my boyfriend into leaving me home and going back to school without me :l this was all very cute and flattering until i tucked her into bed today... there was a new folded sheet of paper by my pictures on her wall. in a heart were our initals and a + inbetween. and something about our hearts becoming one. im a bit freaked out. i dont know what to think. i asked her what it was and she ripped it down quickly and hid under the blankets saying she was embarrassed. i questioned her and she said it was a poem about love. i asked "sisterly love?" and she said yes... but that doesn't make me feel any better

is it possible she is liking me more than a sister? or am i just overthinking this cute little 10 year old way of missing me? either way.... what is it and how do i get her to stop being so clingy?
   
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Re: Little sister and college - March 12th 2011, 05:43 PM

I wouldn't say that it is something more than a sister love.
My sister is the same age as yours and when I am away she misses me and phones me, texts me and always wants to know what im doing.
The paper and photos is something I have never heard of before but maybe thats just a way of her expressing how much she misses you because she cant put it into words?
My advice would not to read to much into it for now and if you feel that it is getting worse talk to your parents about it.
Hope things get better for you,
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Little sister and college - March 12th 2011, 06:07 PM

Tori,

If I were you, I would be flattered. Yeah it's a little annoying/weird for a sibling to obsess that much, but she idolizes you. She is ten, and she sees you basically as the best person to walk the earth. You spent tons of time with her, so she got to know you pretty well. She probably wants to emulate you, and do everything you do. It's quite natural for sisters to do this. Shes is probably acting out like this because of how much she misses you. You're probably on her mind quite a bit. Your parents probably miss you the same amount, but they aren't a ten year old girl, thus they aren't going to show it in that way. This is how she shows her love and affection for you. She probably moved the picture/poem so quickly because she was startled you found it, and was afraid that you might not like it.

You can try to get her to stop by having a talk with her. You're going to have to find a way to talk to her that won't hurt her feelings. You can't say something like "Can you please stop making me things, and giving me all this love." There are bound to be some hurt feelings. If she makes you something, and you're uncomfortable by it, you can say something like "Oh, that's really sweet of you, but you don't have to do that." If you're feeling smothered by her, then talk to your mom. Have your mom talk to her about her behavior. Fortunately, this is something she is likely to grow out of, and it's probably just phase.

Hope this helped!


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Xineas Offline
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Re: Little sister and college - March 12th 2011, 07:36 PM

Tori, I have a younger sister myself, I'm 19, she's 9 and she's showing similar behavior.

Now, I still live at home, but I don't always go with my family on holidays and I'm often at my grandparents, who live 20 minutes away. Sometimes, because my work is close to my grandparent's place, I can be there for 4 days in a row, so whenever I come home, she goes nuts, throws the remote away and jumps off from the sofa to hug me tight and jump me. All cute and well and she means well, but the kisses she gave me were a tad over the edge. After I told her that the kisses were awkward, she stopped giving them, but she still jumps up from the couch when I come home.

Your sister, she likes you, you're her example, her big sister. She wants to be like you and even though the things she does are awkward, they're a symbol of love, sisterly love. That situation where she was embarrassed of the heart poem thingy she made, your reaction probably said enough. Your face must've been like "wth?" and she spotted it, making her rip it apart and hiding herself for it. She's clingy, perhaps slightly obsessed, but she's your sister and that's how sisters can be.

If you want her to stop, or tone it down a bit, tell her. She's 10, old enough to have a conversation, old enough to understand what you're saying and the reason behind it. Don't blame her, just point out to her that although what she's doing is really sweet and nice, you just don't know what to think about it. If you want, you can always inform your parents and talk about it with them, perhaps they can give you advice and instruct your sister. Your sister will get over it at some point, I'm sure, I wouldn't think too much behind it. Once she gets to Junior High/High School, I'm sure she'll get over it quickly and her attention will be focused on the boys at school instead of you. :P

Good luck!





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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Little sister and college - March 13th 2011, 05:45 AM

thank you guys for your responses <3 i really appreciate them and they helped a lot!

i realize now that i over-reacted and probably upset her with my reaction. so im going to talk about it with her tomorrow and hopeful get her to understand that me being away isn't the end of the world, and when i come home it isn't always for her.

so thanks again c:
   
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