Non-PG13 (Strong Language): cutting

[icewhisp]

for a while now i have been cutting due to the fact that i feel betrayed as many of recent relationships haven't worked out and ended very badly, i hate myself due to the fact that i do tae-kwon-doe and i hate hurting others but in the heat of the moment i love it (my parents force me to go) i have never attempted suicide but i think about it a lot nothing very traumatic has happened to me but its all the little fucking shit that piles up on me through out my school friends family girlfriends and my tkd. i don't like talking to adults about this and i hate taking pills so i deiced to see what people on hear think i should do i think i may be suffering from either bipolor depression or Endogenous Depression.

[Katrina]

Hey there,

Firstly, welcome to TeenHelp. I hope you're finding all that you're looking for here.

Be careful and wary of self-diagnosis. Its very easy for us to kind of give a name to what we think we have and then almost, in a way, start 'imagining' symptoms that we may not have had otherwise! And of course, that just leads to a downward spiral and quite a vicious cycle. On the other hand, I think its great that you're paying attention to how you're feeling. Acknowledging that we need help is the first step to actually getting help, so give yourself a pat on the back - you're on the right track.

Let's see...so you don't like talking to adults, and you're not open to the idea of trying medicinal therapy. That puts us in a bit of a bind, if I'm being honest. I think a big part of "recovery" is being open to new things. I was actually going to suggest potentially reaching out to a guidance counselor, and I think its something you should certainly consider.

Little things can definitely pile up - I hear just where you're coming from on that one. I think when such things DO happen, its really important for us to just try our best to stay grounded and take things one step at a time so as not to become overwhelmed.

If I'm not mistaken, Taekwondo is not performed with the intent to hurt others, and is actually used by a lot of people as a huge outlet for stress and other things. Perhaps thinking of this activity in a new light (as self-improvement rather than hurting others, for example?) will relieve some of the stress and anxiety you feel is associated with this.

As far as self harm goes, please be careful. I highly encourage you to stop the cycle of self harm while its still a new habit. As I'm sure you've realized (goodness, as I'm sure we've ALL realized), old habits do die hard and self ham is neither a healthy one or an easy one to pull ourselves out of once we fall into the vicious cylic nature of it.

I hope everything works out for you. I'll be sending positive thoughts your way; take good care of yourself.

[pixietheangel]

mabye your doctor could offer you something other than pills? i know you dont like talking to adults but telling your parents about tkd and explaining why you dont want to go would be a healthy first step. Dont feel bad about hurting people in tkd, its about learning self defence, its under a supervised environament with trained in structions ( my parents made me go to karate). I know your considering suicide but please don't, there are so many better things you could do. draw, scream,cry,talk,write a poem, keep a diary and every day explain how you feel and compliment yourself on your apperance/something you have acheived/done etc.. punch a pillow, stab an orange. i cut , dont do it. it isn't worht the scars and it can lead to a life long illnes. do your parents know about your disorders? you ned to tell someone. its unfair for you to deal with this all on your own. Youve done a great ahcievement by telling us how you feel but you need to tell someone you trust, someone your close to. i can relate to al your little problems but you need to look at the big picture, in 3 years say your not going to be bothered because 3 years ago you forgot yourr homework or got dumped. these are all thing that happen and you cant let them get you down. admitadley they do build up and you feel like you cant cope, but you can. give yourseelf credit. your stronger than you think. pm me if you need anything at all. please your precious, dont cut, stop while you can, dont kill yourself instead tell soemone, or try helping someone else whos feling a similar way to you, on here or near you. this could help understand it. if u know why you feel the way you do you can help get rid of those feelings. but you have a medical disorder and although you may hate it now, by telling a resposible adult or taking thos pills your life could be so much better. think about it xxx love pixie. pm <3