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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TakeMeHigher Offline
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Question is this unhealthy? :/ - March 14th 2011, 09:09 PM

Might take a bit of a psychologist to figure this one out aha ...
Basically, I've never had a good relationship with my mum, she's super religous, and not a very good communicator because of aspergers and such other things effecting her personality.

This may sound weird to some people that have never been in a situation like mine, please don't think i'm an awful person.

Ever since i was little, I'd sort of imagine someone else being my mum/parent?
wish infact, and daydream about it.
I remember it was just someone on t.v and i wanted them to tuck me in and tell me goodnight ...

as i've got older, I'm 16 now. I don't exactly wish for things like that now, but I am rather close to 2 adults i know, and i actually daydream and dream about being in their family so much. i practically am anyway, it's my second home, I'm there half of the day and they take me out to all sorts of places blah blah...


But I do wonder if its unhealthy for me to be like this...
am i just over thinking things or could this effect me, Im trying to analyse my behavior and i can't! so help please

if anyone can!

x
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: is this unhealthy? :/ - March 14th 2011, 09:22 PM

I don't think its unhealthy. Many young adults sometimes wish they had parents different from their own. Myself included. But the reality is, we are stuck with the parents that we do have. I think you should give your mother a chance. She seems like she is a nice person. I believe if you just take the time to talk to her, and show her that you love her, you and her will have a good relationship together. If the both of you have communication problems, then you need to resolve that. Talk with each other about the problems. Do something that you guys can do together. You should always have love for you mother. You should love your family. It is very normal to picture yourself with a different family, if you feel you dislike the one you currently have, but you need to come into reality. Your family is the one that you have, and you have to love and respect them. If you still have trouble, I'm here to talk, and hopefully this goes well for you.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: is this unhealthy? :/ - March 14th 2011, 09:25 PM

Lucy,

Hey there. I'm sorry that you aren't having a good relationship with your mom. I don't think what you are going through is unhealthy. If you can't get the things you need from your real mom, then you're naturally going to look for someone who can fill your needs. You know? You still love your mom it seems, but you have found others to act as a mother as well. When kids gets adopted, they still have a birth mother- but consider their adoptive mom as their actual mother. That's ok. Just because you were born into a family, doesn't mean you have to click with those in it. I think it's healthy/normal. :]

I think that you should, like Jesse said, try to strengthen the relations ship with your mom. She will always be your mother, so it's best to try to be as close to her as you can. She didn't do anything too horrible, so it's best you try to create a bond with her. You never know- you may need her for things in the future. You being 16, she is still your mom. You're growing up, and figuring out who you are. It's natural to grow away from our parents, and not always see eye to eye with them. You make do with what you got. :]



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Re: is this unhealthy? :/ - March 15th 2011, 02:03 AM

My mom is severely depressed. Under depression I have a thread about it. She also suffers from some other mental disorder I have yet to identify.

Anyway, she shouts, yells, and tells me how I was a mistake, and tells me she wishes she aborted me. She's forty five, has two other kids and my dad is still around (Mostly, he works out of town so he's in and out.) I'm the middle child, my sister is ten years older and my brother three years younger. She only hates me. I hate her completely. I made her super tonight, and she ate it like a fat cow, and made me clean it up. Then I, without thinking threw a single left over taco chip in the trash. She digs through the trash (God knows why) and found this chip. She shouted at me, knocked me to the ground and told me to clean up the "Mess" she then took the expiried sour cream dish on the counter (I left it there and hadn't got to putting it in the trashcans yet) and dumped it on my head and smearing it on the floor. She made me clean everything up while she stood over me yelling like a drill sergent swearing.

She drives me nearly off the wall. It was a single chip and she went insane.

Is it normal to wish we had different parents? I would assume yes. Having a parent with a mental problem is hard, but feeling angry or jealous is normal. Send me a PM is you want to just chat about it. I'm living the same hell.

- Justin
   
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Re: is this unhealthy? :/ - March 15th 2011, 02:43 AM

Hey there,
I agree with the posts before me on this one. I think it is perfectly normal to wish that someone else was your mom because your mom is not filling that role of being the mother that you wish her to be. You are naturally trying to find someone else to fill that role in your life. I am adopted, so I know how you feel. My adoptive parents have filled the role in my life of my biological parents.

I would encourage you to try to spend some time with your mom. Like the others mentioned, it really does seem like you still love your mom. Spend some time talking to her and try to get to know her. I think your relationship could grow over time if both of you want to try. I'm here for you girl. I know what you are going through, and it can be hard. If you ever need to talk, PM or VM me.

jelli1224


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Re: is this unhealthy? :/ - March 17th 2011, 06:26 PM

I kind of agree because I was in a similar spot with my mom. It's almost like you're the parent and she is the child when you have to take care of a parent like that. It's not even that you'd want to replace her, you just want someone to fill that "mother" role. Don't feel guilty at all.
   
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