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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Harmony♥ Offline
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Friends Girlfriend - March 19th 2011, 08:55 PM

My best friend in the entire world's name is Shaun. He's a great guy, but he has a hard time meeting girls that share his interests, at least some of them anyway. He's 23 and is still in the teenage stage of his life where he watches Yugioh, and DragonBall Z. I find this strange for a 23 year old to be doing, but HEY! It's his life.
Today, he sent me a text saying that he was getting freaked out by the fact that his girlfriend of 2 months is trying to plan their futures together.
I tried giving him some advice and to tell her right away, but he said he doesn't want to approach her about it.
It's freaking him out so bad that I told him he needs to say something.
On St. Patty's, too, he came out with me, my boyfriend and some of our friends to go out drinking. He dislocated his shoulder so he couldn't play Beer Pong with us, but he sat around and talked and had a good time with us. He received a text message from her asking him what he was doing, and when he told her, she acted like something was wrong but wouldn't tell him.
I want to tell him that his relationship is already on the outs, but I don't want to seem like a bad friend for it. What can I do to help him realize I'm trying to help, and any advice about the future thing too would be great. I can pass it along.











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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Friends Girlfriend - March 19th 2011, 09:03 PM

Hey there,

So, yeah, it seems like the relationship isn't going to last. Though, we can't be certain. You aren't a bad friend for telling him how you view the situation. It's all about approaching him in a friend way, so he doesn't feel like you are attacking him. Tell him gently what you see wrong in the relationship, and what you see going right. Then tell him how you see his future with her. If he gets angry, or defies you, then you have to leave it be. With relationships, they often have to learn these things for him self. He will eventually learn and he will realize you were right. Try and not get frustrated with him, and just be patient. Love is blind. He won't really realize the full situation until he is completely out of it. But it is what it is, and it happens. :]

Hope this helped.


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Re: Friends Girlfriend - March 19th 2011, 09:07 PM

Heyy.

I don't think it's too strange for a man of his age to be enjoying those shows if I'm honest. It's not too bad to never grow out of something you enjoy, as long as it doesn't consume you.

Maybe you could calmly tell him what you think of the matter. If he's your friend, and as it seems he thinks it's off too, he should understand your concerns. I see why you're worried about him, but I honestly think it's a matter of talking about it. As a friend you have a right to be worried about him, and he probably knows this.

As for the future thing, I think he should talk to her. I'm no expert on relationships of any kind if I'm honest, but I've heard honesty is a good quality for a relationship to have. Prehaps if he simply told her that he isn't one to think so far ahead and so seriously about the future so early on in the relationship, she would understand and hold back on it a bit?

I hope I helped you a bit here. <3


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As far as we can discern,
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is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Harmony♥ Offline
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Re: Friends Girlfriend - March 21st 2011, 01:58 AM

Thanks for all of the feedback! Those were wonderful answers.
Now there is something much more serious. She told her dad and her step mom that they had sex. Not usually a big deal, but for these two it is. He stole her V-Card, but he also is very heavily into his church, where his girlfriends dad is a Deacon and her step mom works. He was a born again Christian that has had sex before, and this was the first time in while he has. Now he's in danger of losing everything with the church. I tried telling him to break things off with this girl at once because she betrayed his trust, but he's not listening.











I may wear the glass slippers; But my hero wears combat boots <3 I love you, Lieutenant




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PSY Offline
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Re: Friends Girlfriend - March 21st 2011, 07:55 AM

As a Christian, I would hope that the members of his congregation would be more forgiving of his transgression. We all make mistakes, and considering that he is a born-again Christian, I wouldn't expect him to readily go from being sexual active to having no sex whatsoever.

But anyway... all you can do is tell him how you feel, and hope he makes the right decision sooner vs. later. People rarely want to believe that their relationships are unhealthy, no matter how obvious the signs are or how much they trust their friends.






   
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