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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Half Offline
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Me or My Parents? - March 21st 2011, 05:33 AM

For just some info on myself if it'll help in anyway, I'm in honors classes in my high school. I play 3 sports. I tend to 'carry my heart on my sleeve', I usually have sympathy for people. I have been in trouble for doing things in school, but those were 'life lessons' and none of those have scarred my permanent record.

I've been having trouble with my parents recently...

My Mom is an immigrant, she is somewhat illiterate and her English is sloppy (and that somewhat bothers me), she's extremely stubborn and when she has done something wrong, she thinks it's not her fault. She tries to help every time she sees a problem despite considering that she might make it worse (because there are times she has).

My Dad tends to sway to what he favors and loves, but that really doesn't bug me and I don't feel like him and my Mom are ganging up on me sometimes. While he acts socially weird I don't have any real negative feelings toward him.

Although he's never really the kind of person to forgive and forget. You see when I was 7 I had taken a credit card from his wallet, I was never really told that that was wrong, and it looked interesting to me. I had no intentions or even knowledge of using it and I just held on to it in my room. My parents immediately flipped out and had ideas when that I was going to buy drugs.

I don't know why, but I just don't seem to work with my parents. I have a really bad habit of abusing their trust when I'm a really honest person, for example, staying after curfew. I'm an only child, so I don't have any lack of attention.

I have really bad problems with my Mom. She annoys me a lot and to be honest, I don't like her.

This Saturday I had an overall good day, and nothing had stirred up between any of us. My Mom is the only one who works, from an afternoon shift to just before midnight. When she gets home I usually greet her (since she moved my computer downstairs) so I multitask (TV, computer, music, etc.) and almost always see her since I stay up on the weekends. She usually comes down later to watch TV which sometimes bugs me. Since she usually bugs me to go to bed, has the TV on really loud (I'm not even nit picking with this, it gets out of hand...), turns on one of our lamps (which can be extremely bright) because she wants to read something. We live in a two story house with all of use things in different rooms.

That Saturday I got kind of whiny and asked her to go to the basement or a different room. She instantly said no and made it for the couch. Once again I had asked her nicely to just go downstairs and give me a night to myself. After that she immediately accuses me of doing illegal stuff on the computer, and I calmly told her I wasn't or will be doing anything illegal. She asked me why I didn't want her in the room, and I flat our just said "I don't like you." (Please note that she is aware that I really didn't care for her). Now she's sarcastically saying thank you and crying and just causing an argument which just made me go to bed.

Now today none of us talked to each other. My Mom's showed up for work, immediately goes in the basement, and I hear her moaning and crying...

I get these thoughts in my head thinking about what she has to go through, and if it's me who's being the problem in all of this. I always try to sacrifice things to work with her and apologize for my actions when in the end there's no progress and similar situations like this keep happening.

I do have a fear of my parents getting Alzheimer disease, I don't want them to forget me, because although they do bug me and we have our problems, they're still my family.

I don't know what to do, who's the problem, or if we all are.
   
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Re: Me or My Parents? - March 21st 2011, 06:01 AM

Welcome to TH.

Parents can be a pain in the neck sometimes. I totally agree. But I'm with your mother on this one. She has every right to take away your privacy. I thought that was very rude of you to tell your mother to leave the room. It's her house, if she wants to lay on the couch, she can do as she pleases to. I know you wanted the room to yourself, but your mother had every right to be in that room. Whether she was monitoring your computer activity, or not, she has the right to do so.

However, I can relate to how you feel. You need to have a good talk with your mother. Come up with a list that you are willing to give into. Things that you will do to gain trust from her.Clean the house, cook dinner, clean up the yard. I'm sure she will also give you more advantages along with that. But you need to compromise, and talk to your mother. You should never cuss at her to leave the room.

I don't see any symptoms of your parents having Alzheimer's so I think you are alright.

You should never disrespect your mother. If there is something the two of you disagree on, you need to talk it out together.


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Re: Me or My Parents? - March 21st 2011, 06:09 AM

Hey Sweetie,

I know how you feel... parents can be verrrry stubborn because they think they are always right because they are the parents. I also realized that you can't take them for granted... I mean I lost my mom when I was 4 on Christmas to cancer, and I have no idea what it is like to have a mom.

Maybe try and compromise with her and be like mondays wednesdays and fridays and saturdays I get the computer and you can have the tv in the basement but on tuesdays thursdays and sundays we share tv in the main room and computer for me in the main room.

I know its difficult but try to compromise, maybe is there a way to bring the computer to your room? maybe get a laptop? if that is not possible then go for the compromise its better then anything. More days for you to be alone and a few days to be together!

Good Luck!

XOXO
Nicole


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