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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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tate09 Offline
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really a friend?? - March 22nd 2011, 01:26 PM

so i have this friend and everytime i want to talk to her or tell her something, she is always "busy". i don't know if she is actually busy or if she is trying to avoid me. but i mean it's annoying because if we ever speak, i'm always the one that texts her 1st. she has only texted me 1st like twice, so i've quit texting her. what should i do about this?
   
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Anatidaephobia Offline
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Re: really a friend?? - March 22nd 2011, 02:57 PM

It sounds to me like shes not a been a very good friend. Friends should make time for each other and listen to one and other. She is clearly not doing this. If i were you i would move on and find a better friend. Someone who has time for you. You deserve better


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Re: really a friend?? - March 22nd 2011, 03:47 PM

Instead of texting, why don't you call her? Go to her at school, or wherever the two of you interact, and talk to her about this. Friendships build on communication. There isn't any. If you aren't able to communicate with this person, then it is time to question your friendship. If I were you, I would try to chat with her, and talk to her about this. Perhaps get to the bottom of it. I hope things work out for you.


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Re: really a friend?? - March 22nd 2011, 07:23 PM

Some people don't like texting. Shocking, I know! I have many friends who feel texting is "lazy", and that if people REALLY want to talk, they should make the effort to call instead. Your friend could feel the same way about you. She may also have a limited text messaging plan, or she may not be very good at texting, hence the reason why she never bothers to respond.

Like Vibrant said, friendships cannot survive if you do not have effective communication. Why not make the effort to see her in person (or at least call) and talk about how you're feeling? Don't accuse your friend of ignoring you (maybe it's true, maybe it's not). Instead, point out how you feel like you're low on the list of priorities. Your friend may be busy, but if she truly values your friendship, she should be able to find a few minutes every day to call you back and chat. If she honestly doesn't have the time, then perhaps the two of you could spend more time talking during lunch or in between classes.






   
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Re: really a friend?? - March 23rd 2011, 12:31 AM

i mean she is there for me when i really, really, really need to talk because she knows about my situation with self-harm, but i mean sometimes i just feel like she doesn't have time for me unless she feels guilty about when i am ready to self-harm.
   
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Re: really a friend?? - March 23rd 2011, 03:56 AM

Well, maybe she feels like you're expecting too much from her. While it's great that you have a friend you can turn to when you're feeling the urge to self-harm, it's never good to rely solely on one person. Perhaps you could open up to someone else who is more reliable and also trustworthy - a parent, teacher, or counselor, for example. If your friend knows that you have other people to turn to, and you aren't solely relying on her when you want to self-harm, she may relax and be more eager to talk to you (without you having to initiate contact first).






   
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Re: really a friend?? - March 23rd 2011, 04:59 PM

Hey there,

I agree completely with what has been said above. Also, it could be that your friend is avoiding you. I hate to throw the blunt truth out there, but that is an option. Last year, when friends would ask me to hang out, I would tell them I was busy because I didn't want to hang out with him. Again, I am not sure if that is what's going on. It could be the that your friend is actually busy. I mean, it may see like she is always making up excuses, but she might actually be busy. In that case, try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she is even annoyed that you rely on her so much. It's great that you can count on her, but relying on other people to help balance it out isn't a bad idea either.

What ever the reason may be, and there are many possibilities, talk to her about it. Confront her. you really can't go wrong with that. You're in a friendship, so all involved has a right to say how they feel about it. If you don't like something that she is doing then tell her in a polite way. She might not even realize how much she tells you she is busy. It might just be automatic for her. Ultimately though, you should try to be in a friendship where both parties are making an equal effort. It take communication, just like any other relationship would. Don't remain her friend for the sake of not wanting to be alone. I think you would do well if you were to try and make new friends.


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Re: really a friend?? - March 24th 2011, 02:26 PM

I think you should talk to her about how you feel. Open communication is key. And if you cant get a hold of her texting I would try a different way of contacting her like calling her on the phone or face to face. Before you think of moving on with this friend I would see what she has to say about how you feel first k?
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Re: really a friend?? - March 24th 2011, 04:38 PM

Well I have been in a very similar situation before. It is frustrating, because as you said, you don't know if they are really busy or if they really just don't want to talk to you. I understand where you are coming from. I would encourage you to sit down and talk with her about this. Be careful not to raise your voice or get angry, because there is a good chance she actually could be busy. But at the same time, I have always thought that a good friend will make time for other friends. So be careful if you talk to her, but be open. Good Luck! If you ever want to talk, PM or VM me.

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