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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy She Gave Up - March 24th 2011, 12:37 AM

My two best friends are Hayley and Bethany, they've gotten me through so much without even realizing it. We swore we'd be best friends forever, we were such a perfect fit. Stuff has been happening, and while Hayley and I kept Bethany included, she didn't want to be. So we stopped telling her everything. B told H that she thinks I'm delusional and need to get serious help before I can do something extremely stupid. She thinks that I'm completely losing touch with reality, when it's the opposite. It's her losing touch, she keeps moving away from us, telling us it's nothing, we're worrying about nothing. And today I was trying to explain to her, and she just quit. She gave up on Hayley and I. She no longer wants anything to do with us. I'm crying right now, I knew, I knew this was going to happen, but I thought it'd be me who gave up. Not Bethany, never Bethany. She's done with H and I. I love her, she is one of my best friends. Pictures of her and I, pictures of us three, pictures of her and H, they line my room... My favorite memory is of us three together. My favorite everything has something to do with them. And now I'm being accused of protecting B, even after she did this. Soon H is going to be done with me too and I'm going to be alone again. They both know that I cut in sixth grade, H is pretty sure about now, though she won't confront me about it. B got me through so much I don't know how I can live without her. She's been in my life for going on three years. How could this happen? We were supposed to be sisters forever, we're supposed to be best friends forever. How could I let something like this happen?
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Re: She Gave Up - March 26th 2011, 04:56 AM

I'm really sorry to hear about Hayley and Bethany. =( It's tough when you drift apart from your best friends. Unfortunately, it DOES happen. People grow up and change - YOU will grow up and change - so there may be times where you'll have to re-evaluate your friendships and decide whether or not it's worth staying in contact. You don't have to blame yourself for "letting it happen", because chances are, there was probably very little you could have done to prevent this.

What you CAN do is try and talk to Bethany. You didn't really go into details about the problems you've been having, but it sounds like Bethany was worried about you. If I thought a friend was "delusional" and reckless, I would try to help them. If my efforts appeared to be in vain, I would probably have to distance myself from them, because it would be too painful to watch them hurt themselves over and over again. Perhaps Bethany is feeling the same way about you. You said SHE'S the one who's delusional and pushing everyone away, but maybe you're BOTH acting differently and you're BOTH affected by those changes. So have an honest, one-on-one conversation with Bethany. Listen to what she has to say, then ask her to listen to what you have to say. With a bit of communication, the two of you may be able to repair your friendship.

I would also recommend that you have a similar conversation with Hayley. Hayley seems to be accusing you of "protecting" Bethany. There's a difference between justifying someone's actions, and trying to make amends with someone. Explain to Hayley that you aren't trying to excuse what Bethany did - you're just trying to see if it's possible to become friends again. Hopefully, Hayley has the maturity to understand that, and won't see your efforts to make things right with Bethany as an act of betrayal. Just because Hayley and Bethany aren't friends anymore doesn't mean YOU have to choose a side. You can still be friends with the both of them.

I wish you all the best. <3 Let us know how things go!

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Re: She Gave Up - March 26th 2011, 05:15 AM

hey there, i'm sorry about what's happening but you have to remember it's not your fault ok? you're not making any of this happen. To me it seems like you're just offering good intentions, and like said above, try talking to both of them. I'm sure you can work something out =)

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