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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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HisPrincess Offline
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Question A Better Relationship with Dad? - March 24th 2011, 07:43 PM

Hey guys,

So here is the deal. I have always had a really close relationship with my mom. I can tell her anything. She knows about TH and that I am on Staff and everything. We have a really open relationship all the way around. It is really awesome. But on the other hand, I don't have all that close of a relationship with my Dad. Like, not at all. We have gone to Daddy, Daughter dances... and stuff but when I am going through something I need to talk about it. (One of the reasons I LOVE TH! ) When I try to talk to Dad about something that is going on, or the way that he made me feel when he told me something, he either a.) tries to fix it, or b.) gets mad because it's "dramatic".

I have always known that my Dad hates drama, so that's why I love talking to my mom. She is always really understanding. But when my Dad is around, he gets mad at me because of all the drama when he just listens to my conversation with my mom. It drives me nuts. But the most confusing thing, is there are times when we are both alone driving in the car that we can talk and just be open. We can talk about embarrassing topics, and just feel that really close relationship again. I think the thing that he hates is when I argue, and have drama around me. But these things have almost become like natural to do, and I don't know how to stop them.

Sorry for the really long message. Any advice or idea's are greatly appreciated.

Angelica


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Re: A Better Relationship with Dad? - March 25th 2011, 01:08 AM

Hey there,

I think it's wonderful that you have such a close relationship with your mom and you are trying to make your relationship with your dad better. There are two things that you can do to help better the relationship with your dad. You can try talking to him about this. Tell him that you just want someone to listen to you and not judge the situation. Tell him that you just want someone to vent to. On the flip side of this, it sounds like there are somethings that you can talk to him about. I would say that maybe you can talk about certain things with just your mom and certain things with just your dad. I think that would help you feel more comfortable talking to your dad, as the confusion of talking to him will disappear. The lines and boundaries are more clear. Plus, the stuff you talk to him about that he thinks is drama, is probably something you should talk to your mom about, as he probably doesn't get it.

I hope this helped!


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Re: A Better Relationship with Dad? - March 25th 2011, 06:04 PM

I think you should talk to your Dad and tell how you feel and yes Glitters right tell him you just want him to listen and not judge. And even though he may be how he is when you talk to him about some things doesnt me he should feel like you cant talk to him cause you should be able to talk to him about things your going through right? Just maybe save the big stuff for your Mom who is understanding k? Just give your Dad some time to get used to you coming to him to listen to what your going through k?


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Re: A Better Relationship with Dad? - March 26th 2011, 04:28 AM

I've learned a few things about my own dad over the years. One of those things is that he likes to solve my problems. He doesn't just listen to me vent - he wants to either find a solution, or tell me how to find a solution on my own. Many men are like that, actually... when you start complaining about something, they feel like they need to fix things for you. When they can't (and when you just continue to vent), they get frustrated. So I think everyone who has posted so far as brought up a great point - make it clear that you're not looking for your dad to fix things for you. You just want him to listen to you vent. If he can't sit quietly and listen, then be more selective about what you share with him (and share the rest with your mom, friends, etc.).






   
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Re: A Better Relationship with Dad? - March 26th 2011, 08:49 PM

Thank you for your suggestions. They are worth a shot to try for sure. I have also realized that at times, it might not be the best time to talk to him. For example, it is not a good idea to try venting to him when he just gets home from work and is tired. But it would be a better time to talk to him when he comes to say good night or is just sitting there watching TV. Thanks for the suggestions, they have been helpful and I feel like I am on track for a better relationship with my Dad.

Angelica


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Trusting is not a mistake, but it is important to realize that things change. ~ Kmn483<3Bliz

Please feel free to PM me. I love to help others, and can be an ear to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or a face to scream at. <3

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