Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ontheBUS Offline
Not a n00b
ontheBUS's Avatar
Gender: I'm a GIRL.

Posts: 50
Join Date: October 6th 2009

Should I contact estranged dad? - March 31st 2011, 04:47 AM

My mom is going through bankruptcy and our house is foreclosing. My grandma was helping pay bills, but has to cut us off in about a month. My mom is freaking out about where she'll live. Right now I'm in a dorm (in the same town), and she is giving me an allowance for groceries and gas. I usually have a little left over, but it's still pretty tight.
I have had mental problems I THOUGHT were depression for many years, but was just diagnosed with severe ADHD, which makes much more sense. I am unable to get medication for a while, so for pretty much the whole time I've been living alone I've been self medicating with food. I'm not spending extravagant amounts of money on it, but it's becoming a problem to her. I go through really, really low spells and just buying lunch rather than eating a half melted TV dinner seems necessary when I'm feeling that way. It's depressing, but I typically spend that extra money eating alone and rarely have any left to go shopping or go do something with friends--it's sometimes my only source of comfort.
My mom found out that I spend money she gave me for a doctor's copay on food or going out and got really mad. She says I don't understand her situation, but that isn't true--I've been the one she vents to for years. It stresses me beyond belief and the last thing I want on top of my issues is more stress and more guilt!
I don't know how to deal with her, so I started to consider asking my dad for money. He is estranged, but lives in town. He is verbally abusive, and has gotten physical with me before, and when I've asked for money in the past he makes me WORK for it, as in he forces me to spend time with him (his wife has aided in wedging my family apart, and both have been abusive to me, so it isn't as simple as sitting down and being respectful). Even when I comply, she usually adds MORE terms on top of the old ones and holds the money over my head, or accuses me of "using him" (which i am not; I've only ever come to him for necessities, and he hasn't paid a dime for my college or my car).
I don't know if I am opening pandoras box by contacting him. Things are going to get tighter financially, but he blames everything on my mom, even though he sort of forced her into the financial situation she is in. I am totally stuck and I feel like no one can help me...which is why it frustrates me that my dad is living so comfortably and oblivious.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
SparklingWine's Avatar
Name: Lynds :)
Age: 28
Gender: Grill ;)
Location: Seattle

Posts: 7,230
Blog Entries: 197
Join Date: February 19th 2009

Re: Should I contact estranged dad? - March 31st 2011, 07:09 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Honestly, I wouldn't call your dad wanting to spend time with you "work". I mean, think about it, he is lending you money, so it's only right that you do spend time with him. Though, if he was abusive, then I wouldn't engage with him, unless he is trying to do right by you. In that case, people do change. Can you get a job, as a way of making a living? You're in college, and I know how busy college can get. But getting a job would help you make money of your own, and would help with your depression because you are getting out of the house more. As far as the overeating goes, I think it might help you if you budgeted your money. Set aside a portion of money for food. Only use this money for food. Also, when you are feeling low, use another thing to make you feel better. Exercising is always good. It can release endorphins, which makes people happy. As far as your mom goes, I think you need to to branch away from her a bit. I think that she is bringing you down a bit. I think it would help to still be there for your mom, but gain a bit of independence.

I hope this helped!

  Send a message via AIM to SparklingWine Send a message via MSN to SparklingWine  
Closed Thread


contact, dad, estranged

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright 1998-2020, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.