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Konloko Offline
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Unhappy I've just found out how horrible my father really is, and it's hard to handle. - April 11th 2011, 03:20 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My parents divorced after (I think) six years of marriage when I was about three. In the past few months, during family therapy sessions with my mother and myself, I've learned some frightening things about my father from her, things she later said she'd originally had no intention of telling me. Mom married once before my father and had my brother and sister, whom I love dearly and who are both somewhere around 17-19 years older than me. I've learned that before I was born, my father was abusive to my mom and siblings. He was always drunk at the time, and later claimed he didn't remember, but it's easy to see he was lying. When my mom was well into pregnancy with me, he pushed a computer monitor (one of those old fat ones) onto her and then locked her and my siblings out of the house. It makes me believe he didn't want me. When I was a baby, he hated babysitting and would threaten to throw me in the dumpster. Later he would let me play in a busy street along with many other dangerous stunts "because she wanted to". The most disturbing stories involve my sister. When she was 17, one night my father got out of bed, stripped naked, and went and crawled into her bed. She got up and left, so nothing happened to her, thank God, but it worries me because for the past year or so I've been getting a creepy feeling around him and half-wondering if he would ever violate me. The fact that he walks around without pants doesn't help. Finally, a few days ago, my sister told me that while Mom and my father were dating, my father (for what reason we've no idea) told my sister that when he was a kid, he had some kittens. Without any reason, he picked one up and snapped its neck. Maybe this just churns my stomach because I'm a real cat person, but it's disturbing nonetheless.

I used to visit him every other weekend, but now I tell him I can't visit because I'm busy with schoolwork. I havent visited him since January this year. I have no desire to be around him whatsoever, and I feel no love for him. My therapist has suggested I simply tell him I won't be visiting him at all in the near future.

At first, this all didn't really sink in. I didn't really worry about it. But now reality's hitting hard, and this all frightens and depresses me. Sometimes I forget about everything else. It's like nothing else matters because this terrible thing is happening. Sometimes at school I've nearly broken down and cried. I haven't told any of my friends--it's hard to be serious with them, anyway.

Sorry for that gigantic wall of text. I just don't know what to do or how to handle this. Any advice anyone could give me would help so much. <

Last edited by SparklingWine; April 11th 2011 at 07:04 PM. Reason: Adding abuse prefix
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Re: I've just found out how horrible my father really is, and it's hard to handle. - April 11th 2011, 03:28 AM

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's always hard to find out someone you're supposed to love isn't who you thought they were. I would have to agree with your therapist however, if you feel uncomfortable going to see him, don't. If you don't feel you can talk to friends, what about cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents you trust? Or what about your mom? Let them know you are having a hard time accepting this. In the end, don't do anything you don't want to do or that will make you uncomfortable. PM me if you ever wanna talk. Best of luck.
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Re: I've just found out how horrible my father really is, and it's hard to handle. - April 11th 2011, 07:09 PM

I am so sorry for you and your family. My jaw literally dropped when I read this. you have every right to be scared and frightened. This is a scary situation. And acually, a lot of what he did was child abuse, assault, and animal cruelty. I completely agree with your counselor, you just need to stop seeing him. He is clearly dangerous, and you are scared to be around him. You shouldn't have to feel scared around a parent. Parents are supposed to make you feel safe. I'm really glad that you are talking to a therapist about this. Make sure you are being completely open and honest with them about how you are feeling about this all. They can really help you sort through your feelings, and teach you how to deal with them. Sometimes we need a little bit of extra help. Can you talk to a friend? Or a trusted adult? I know opening up is hard, but you will feel loads better. Take care, <3

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Re: I've just found out how horrible my father really is, and it's hard to handle. - April 11th 2011, 07:38 PM

What your father has done in the past is simply awful. I think it's a good idea for you to stay away from him, especially if you're afraid of him possibly abusing/violating you. But lying probably won't help the situation at all. I would call him when you get the chance and just tell him you won't be visiting anymore, just tell him you're having a hard time and you just want to stay put, no specifics beyond that should be required. If he EVER threatens you, in the slightest way, don't be afraid to contact someone with authority.

It's great that you're talking with your therapist about this, but maybe you should be talking to others, too. If you have a guidance counselor at your school, pay them a visit. It can be really nerve-wracking opening up to an adult you don't know well, but on the days where you just need an escape, they can be extremely useful.

And don't be afraid to open up to a couple of your friends sometime. Friends are there to support you and love you no matter what. Just let them know if what you're telling them is too much for them to handle, to have them tell you. And if you don't want to, another good thing friends are for are for unconditional hugs. Keep your chin up, you can do this.

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And the [mome raths] outgrabe.
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