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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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x_sepi_x Offline
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Best Friend - April 15th 2011, 09:13 PM

I have a bit of a problem. Me and my best friend have been mates for about three years now and we've had our ups and downs. But recently things have just been so bad, we're really drifitng apart. she's due to get married in July, then she's moving quite far away into her husband-to-be's house so really we've only got a few months left together. Any normal person would think that at this time we'd both be going out and spending as much time together as possible coz once she's married (and I'm off to uni) we won't really get time. But it's like the total opposite. We don't go out anymore, barely talk in school and she's stopped coming to my house. There's so much tension between us. I think it may partly be my fault as i don't like going out/socialising in public places but she doesn't understand that. She doesn't want to understand that ive got anxiety and i can't go out. Also erm I have an eating disorder and so i don't eat obviously. She always wants to go to restaraunts, cafes and take-aways etc but i can't do that. Now because I won't eat she's stopped going out with me but she chooses not to listen and understand why ive got an eating disorder.

But the thing is she'll still come to me only if she needs anything. I feel quite used because like she'll come to my house if she needs to copy my work, or eat food. There's a take-away across my house and they sell choco-cake that she loves so she only comes to my house if she wants to eat that. Even then she'll ask me for money, make me buy it for her (totally ignoring the fact I get panic and anxiety walking into the flamin shop) eat it all herself without even offering to me (not that I'm gonna eat it anyway) and then go home. It's really quite pissing me off. I really don't wanna sound bad but I've never spoken up about it before. Now I really don't know what I should do. Im really tired of people trampling all over me without a care in the world. I really don't wanna lose her but I don't think she cares. I tried to talk to her today and said dat we were drifting apart and she said 'i think so to...it's because you don't eat' and then she walked off.

I dint mean for this thread to be so long, its probably turned into more of a rant now lol but I still really don't know what to do. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated.
   
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Re: Best Friend - April 16th 2011, 12:34 AM

Hey there. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like there are things that have been left unsaid between you two. Bear in mind, that neither one of you are mind readers. You have to tell her how you feel in order for her to get it. You would think that she should know all of these things, because it makes sense that she shouldn't use you and what not. Truth is, she probably isn't seeing it that way, because you are letting it happen. You should take a stand. And there are ways in which you could do that without it sounding rude. You could simply schedule a time to talk with her about her actions and how you are feeling about it. You have to remember that this is going to come as a shock to her because she probably isn't expecting it. You just have to be firm and honest with her. I'm assuming that you are aware of the fact that friends DO grow apart, and that's okay. It's going to happen, but you just have to make sure you leave off on a good footing. If her reason from pulling away from you is because of an eating disorder, then so be it. That becomes her issue and not yours. You're going through a lot by the sound of it, and stress should try to be eliminated when/where possible. Hang in there<3


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Re: Best Friend - April 17th 2011, 08:12 AM

Thanks Lynds. That was really good advice. Ive told her I need to talk, now we just need to pick a 'date' and get it over with.. <3
   
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