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Welcome me, I'm new!
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Name: Al
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Location: California

Posts: 12
Join Date: April 13th 2011

Dealing with it - April 17th 2011, 05:49 AM

My dad came back into my life (he was in jail for 8 years) when I was 11. It was the first time I had seen him since I was 1. It was a really difficult transition at first, but over time I got used to it. I started seeing him more and more, started staying over at his house some nights with him, his girlfriend, and their dogs...

It got to the point where I was pretty much going back and forth between houses every week (I preferred my moms place) but then last year she had to move 100 miles away for a job, I had a choice, and I decided that I wanted to finish school where I am... It was the most difficult choice ive ever had to make... Over the past years with my dad ive had to deal with his girlfriend who at times has been horrible to deal with. Ive never really been able to deal with her, she thinks she has some kind of control over me, even wanting me to call her "mom" (which I would never do of course since I have a mom and she was nothing more than my dads girlfriend). During all this time having to deal with her, I also had to deal through my dads drinking problems. He is now sober again after a short relapse after he lost his job.

He broke up with his girlfriend a few months back and we are getting close to moving out and finding another place to live. This will be my first time ive ever lived alone with my dad and my biggest fear is that he will relapse again and get angry and I will not be able to handle it... I will be stuck. He is good right now, getting help, but you never know.....

And through this all I have to deal with only seeing my mom on alternate weekends, which has been far beyond difficult...

Any advice on dealing with all of this, ive been dealing with it for a few years now, but now that we are about to move out, anything could happen...
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Finches Offline
I'm All Ears
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Age: 30
Gender: Male

Posts: 115
Join Date: September 25th 2010

Re: Dealing with it - April 18th 2011, 04:08 AM

Hey Al,

I understand your anxiety and worry. However, focus on the fact that your Dad is actually recovering and going to therapy. It's a sign that he cares about his own health and his behavior towards you.

However, you do have a point when you say 'anything could happen'. Human beings are so dynamic and you should never depend them 100% for your own happiness because they could change into something and the carpet from under you would be gone in an instant. Thus, if I were in your shoes, I would hope for the best and expect the worst - also, I wouldn't think about the possibilities. Right now, you should focus on building a friendship with your Dad and get closer to him now that his girlfriend is gone. If you can get close to him enough such that he cares about you - he might be less inclined to relapse.

I hope that helped,
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SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Lynds :)
Age: 28
Gender: Grill ;)
Location: Seattle

Posts: 7,230
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Join Date: February 19th 2009

Re: Dealing with it - April 18th 2011, 04:39 AM


I can understand why you would be worried about this. Is it possible to move back in with your mom? I know that you want to finish off school where you are living now, but it seems like living with your dad is affecting you for the negative. I think that focusing on your mental health will ultimately be better for you. My suggestion to you, is that you make a pros and cons list of living with either parent. Whatever you do, it's going to be hard, but you need to make the right choice for you. If it helps ease your worries, do you think that you can talk to your dad about your fears and concern? Maybe he can put your mind at ease a little bit, and assure you that nothing will happen. If you DO decide to stay living with your dad, you should call the cops if things get out of hand (IE, he relapses, get angry and you feel you're in danger). Hope this helps. <3

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