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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Littlebylittle Offline
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Negative family.. - April 23rd 2011, 06:48 PM

My parents went on holiday this easter, (none of us wanted to go so they went)

While they were gone there was a lovely chilled atmosphere, everyone got along.. my two sisters, my brother, me, + my sisters boyfriend.
In our house its usually negative, stressed, moody and we all keep ourselves to ourselves.
So when our parents got back, straight the atmosphere changed, it became moody, snappy again, litreally as soon as they got back; we all realised why the house atmosphere is usually like that - because of them, well mainly my mom tbh who is constantlystressing over work, her looks, the house!
I've talked, and moaned at her and nothing seems to get through to her she doesn't realise what shes doing to me, i pick up on people emotions quickly, and everytime shes in a bad mood, it reflects on me and thats it, im in a foul mood for the rest of the day.
I can't deal with this house, well family anymore i just wanna move out.
   
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NevermindMe Offline
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Re: Negative family.. - April 23rd 2011, 08:25 PM

I notice you are 14. It seems we have alot in common. Really.
I for one also pick up emotions quickly. If I shake your hand I could tell you stuff about yourself you didn't know. Therefore any hostility in my home environment is picked up instantly, it's like standing in front of a guitar amp.
I would recomend looking into your mother's problems, and try to be an honest geniune person when dealing with her.
Try digging around doctor's records, perscriptions, ect. I found out my mom has post traumatic stress disorder, and every tuesday (The day of the week her father died) she relives that day when she sleeps, sometimes calling out loud for help. It almost killed me to hear her last tuesday screaming "Daddy, don't leave me and my brother! Don't leave mom!". Suddenly all of her issues seemed unimportant. In her mind she was still a woman without a father. I also found out she was severe depression. Relly bad severe depression, which causes paranoia, anger, sadness, fatigue, mood swings, and all other kinds of nasty things. Sure I still am not happy with my home life, I never will be, but at least I understand it.
I would google things like bi-polar, depression, PTSD, Aspergers, ect. And see if she matches any of the descriptions. Or look around personal records. It'll help you understand the situation more.
PM me if you want to talk any time.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
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Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Negative family.. - April 23rd 2011, 09:22 PM

She had tests for something recently, i can't remember quite what, but im pretty sure they came back negative - so surely she should be feeling happier and releived? But shes not, all today she had a sour look on her face like she was dissapointed in us, like she hated her life; i don't know how tbh, we're all good kids; work hard in school, never been in any trouble, and help around the house with things.
I can't wait til im older and i can just walk out and never come back
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Negative family.. - April 23rd 2011, 10:22 PM

I have to disagree with Justin's suggestion. No matter how good your intentions may be, invading your mother's privacy by looking through medical records is not fair. Rooting through your mother's prescriptions may not reveal too much, either. Some medications are used for a multitude of mental disorders and medical conditions.

Your best bet may be to get together as a family and talk about the negative atmosphere in your household. Don't single your mother out, because even if she is the root of the problem, you are ALL reacting to her negativity and contributing to the overall negative atmosphere. There is only so much you can do for your mother. You can offer to help out around the house, as can your father and siblings... but if she just happens to be a "negative person" (which many people are!), then you'll have to resort to helping yourselves. Learn to let your mother's emotions roll off you vs. getting under your skin. People who readily pick up on negative emotions either become negative and emotional people themselves, or they learn to toughen up and find ways to maintain a positive attitude regardless of what the people around them are feeling. You and your family members need to find ways to cope with your mother, should she be unwilling or unable to change.






   
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Re: Negative family.. - April 24th 2011, 12:14 AM

PSY: Invading someone's privacy is never a good idea, I agree. However assuming her mother is anything like mine, talking as a family doesn't really work, why? Because YOU and the problem, and it's YOUR fault. SHE is the one with rotten, moody, bad kids. SHE couldn't have possibly caused any trouble.
Judging, even by her limited description it seems like talking won't really help, or she's simply too afraid to.
I am not undermining your advice, pherhpas it's the best advice ever given, but I think it's more likely the situation is beyond a quick fix.
About the mention that it some medication is perscribed for many disorders and problems, well on a healthcare plan bill (You write it up and send it to your company healthcare provider) under "Long term assistance" a type of medication I do not wish to disclose was perscribed for severe depression and PTSD, and from what I found, rather large doses to numb her senses.
In my situation I needed to find something, because there were some serious circumstances surrounding the situation. I needed answers, so I found them myself. Were my actions morally gray? Likely, but if that is what needs to be done, then so be it.


Another piece of advice to the OP: Find something you like to do, and do it, hopefully outside of the house, or away from your problems. I like to wander around the neighbourhood with the radio on my iPod for hours at a time. Something like that really clears your mind, no matter how angry or sad you are.

Like you said, you try hard in school, never get in trouble and help around the house. You've done great. Keep things going well, for your benifit. Don't worry about your mother, if she's angry or impossible to please, at least you know that you've done good.

Stay strong. A situation like this is hard. I know that, and I hope you do.

- Justin



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Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
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Re: Negative family.. - April 24th 2011, 12:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JKmadu619
I am not undermining your advice, pherhpas it's the best advice ever given, but I think it's more likely the situation is beyond a quick fix.
I do agree with that. =) One conversation as a family may or may not fix the problem. The OP may have to make several attempts before she achieves any real progress. The OP's mother may never agree to sit down for a discussion, even if the entire family is on board. I was just basing my response off of the original phrasing of the issue:

Quote:
Originally Posted by xlightningbolt
I've talked, and moaned at her and nothing seems to get through to her [...] I can't deal with this house, well family anymore i just wanna move out.
That gives me the impression that no one has actually TRIED sitting down as a family; rather, people have just complained and snapped at each other, which definitely does NOT accomplish anything. Before invading her mother's privacy, it couldn't hurt to try and approach the problem in a calmer, more effective fashion, with the rest of her family members on board.

And while it's important to have as much information as possible, that won't necessarily solve the underlying problem. For example, what if the OP finds out that her mother suffers from depression? How will that make her less reactive to her mother's negative mood? She can tell herself, "My mother suffers from depression," but that won't necessarily help her to address the negativity in a more positive, effective manner. What if her mother doesn't want to seek treatment for her depression? Right now, it seems like the OP and her family members haven't tried every option available to them... hence why I suggest the family discussion and learning how to cope with the negativity, vs. writing the family off and leaving as soon as possible. At least, not at 14 years old. =P






   
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Re: Negative family.. - April 24th 2011, 04:36 PM

Hey there. I am sorry about your situation. But I have to agree with Robin. Don't go looking through your mothers personal medical documents. I don't think that will help, but only make things worse. This is because if and when your mom finds out that you were snooping, it's only going to cause more arguments. And bring even more negativity to the house hold. If the medical records were meant for you to see, then you would have seen them by now. There is a good reason as to why you haven't. I also agree that a family meeting should be had. I think that everyone should be able to talk about how they are feeling about the negativity in a calm manner. Rather then attacking your mother, make suggestions to her about how you can make the atmosphere more positive. Also ask what YOU can do to make the atmosphere more bearable. You're a part of the family, so everyone in the family makes their own contribution to the negativity. In your case, and others, it's snapping back causing even more tension than before. Everyone should have something to work at to make the family less negative, as none of us are perfect. In the event that you are the one who works on your part, and your mom doesn't work on her part- you and your family need to find a way to cope that doesn't involve arguing. I suggest that you take your siblings on a walk, or play a game with them in high times of tension. You can also listen to music, draw, write, etc. Find something to distract your mind and calm you down so that you are no longer a contributer.


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Re: Negative family.. - April 26th 2011, 06:58 PM

I've got the same problem, If anyone wants to help me at all god fucking bless him.
Negative families are very common i guess. Ive dealt with SO MUCH shit from my family i probably felt twice the pain most people have their ENTIRE LIFE.

Its sad that some families are like that, You even sound like a nice person and they do this stuff to you. I dont know how to help you but im just giving you some support so that you know you arent the only one.
   
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