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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Angry My effed up life. - May 2nd 2011, 09:44 PM

The past two months my mom and dad have been talking about this women who likes my father,but he doesn't love her. Trust me. Back a few yrs ago they were separated,for a reason I can't remember,and he was really upset so I don't think he would ever do that.And,I can tell he loves my mom,and her him. But,I still feel like they are gonna get divorced and my life will be RUINED. Is this normal?


Also,my mom is way protective. And a bitch. She always blames ME for whenever my 5 yr brother follows me out the door,she won't let me ride my bike even though I'm FOURTEEN yrs old. She won't let me walk by myself to the bus stop which is in front of our house,she makes me go to my grandmas house even though my grandmas a major bitch. Its so extreme that I've contemplated running away,committing suicide,cutting myself,and smoking.So what should I do?


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~Eventually the time will come when the pain it takes to stay will become greater than the pain it takes to go.
   
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Re: My effed up life. - May 2nd 2011, 10:59 PM

Hey there! Well, first of all, don't resort to any of those things you mentioned at the end of your post. There are many, MANY healthier ways to cope with stressful situations like yours. I mean, what will running away accomplish? Nothing - you'll just be living on the streets, unable to take care of yourself or do what you want to do with your life. Committing suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - one that WILL go away in time. Cutting and smoking will only hurt yourself further, and that won't allow you to live a more fulfilling life. So here's a list of alternatives you can consider. There are dozens upon dozens of creative ideas on this thread, so I strongly suggest you take a look and try one or two every day! =)

For the most part, what goes on between your father and mother is out of your control. If they love each other and are willing to put in the time and effort to strengthen their relationship, then I don't believe you have anything to worry about. If one or both parents decide they don't want to continue with their marriage, however, then there really isn't much you can do. What you CAN do is stay informed. Obviously, your parents aren't going to reveal all the intimate details of their relationship, but they can at least set your mind at ease by reassuring you that they don't intend to get a divorce. If they ARE contemplating it, then you can urge them to see a therapist. A marriage and family therapist could not only help them with their relationship, but s/he could talk to you and teach you a few coping methods as well. I guess what I'm trying to get across to you is that there's no point in worrying about something that may never happen. If you have a REASON to worry, then that's different... but if you never ask questions, then how will you know if there's anything to worry about? =)

As for your mom, I would suggest sitting down with her and talking about your current restrictions and privileges. At fourteen years old, I think you should be able to wait at the bus stop. Riding around on a bike, however, is a different issue. You hear about young girls getting kidnapped all the time, so I don't exactly blame your mom for being worried. Why not ask her to sit down with you, explain why she doesn't want you to wait at the bus stop alone/ride your bike alone, then ask her if it would be possible to work out a compromise? For example, maybe you could get a ride to school with a friend instead of waiting for the bus. You could also agree to ride your bike ONLY if someone else is with you and you have some kind of protection on hand (ex. mace/pepper spray). The important thing to remember is that hostility will be met with hostility - if you go into a conversation thinking, "Mom is such a b*tch," you will NOT get additional privileges. Instead, you need to approach your mom with love and understanding - there ARE dangers in this world, but what your mom is doing is a bit unreasonable. Therefore, try to meet in the middle. Don't yell or call her names, don't push your ideas as being the only "right" ones, and be willing to compromise.

You can also try to negotiate your visits to your grandmother's house. For example, is there a friend you could go home with instead? How about a neighbor that you (and your mom) trust? If not, then perhaps you should just find ways to either get along better with your grandmother, or tune her out during your visits. Bring plenty of study material with you, and if your grandmother starts harassing you, tell her that, "I'd love to talk, but I have homework to do. Can we talk later? I really need to study." If she keeps harassing you... tell your mom that you can't study whenever you go over there! Maybe your mom will let you stay home instead, or go somewhere else to study peacefully. It's really about how you present your argument. Again, if you go into the conversation thinking, "Grandma's a b*tch," you won't get anywhere. If you can come up with a good alternative, however, and make your argument in a calm, reasonable way, your mom may agree with you.






   
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Re: My effed up life. - May 3rd 2011, 12:28 AM

That helped a lot!! You should be a psychologist. Thank you


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Re: My effed up life. - May 3rd 2011, 01:45 AM

How did you know? You're close - I'm studying to become a marriage and family therapist in the fall!






   
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