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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Papaya Offline
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Unhappy My mom is crazy. - May 6th 2011, 01:51 AM

(prepare for lots of details)

Oh where do I start? I'm a teenager with a crazy mother. Literally crazy. Everything started right after my parents divorced. My parents were married for 14 years after my mother found out she was pregnant with my older sister. (my dad and her only knew each other for about five months) After they had my sister, they were happy. They tried to have another child, but they ended in two miscarriages. Then I came along, and they were happy once again. When I was six years old, my mother's mother died. My mom was very close to her mother. (Let's say my grandmother's name was May.) May was your typical housewife, raised up in the 40's and 50's. She cooked, cleaned, made clothes, cared for the children while my grandfather worked hard to support everyone. My mother was being raised in the 60's-70s and lived to be more independent. She didn't learn the housewife skills from May, and was hired at a young age. However, her life was mostly still supported by her mother. The house she rented was often visited and cleaned by her mother, along with many meals and of course, the money. My mother dropped out of college and married her first husband. Her first husband ended up being a heroin addict and they divorced. Then my mother met my father, then became pregnant and got married. My grandfather died. May broke down; she lost the man who cared for her. She became stronger as a woman, but she had many health problems due to years of smoking. Back to where I put when I was about six, May died.

My mom changed to the worse. She started to have mood-swings and complain my father and my sister and me. We believed she was tramatized by her mother's death, but it never ended. My father divorced my mother when I was 8, and my sister was 15. My father disappeared in my life for about two years, due to my sister and my mother hating him.

My mother quit her job after he left. She broke down mentally and refused to leave her room to even try to work. My sister had to take care of me. I was confused and didn't know what was happening at the time. My sister would steal food to feed us, and she took a job. She would join clubs at school just for the free muffins and taquitos. After about a year, my mother finally brought herself to find a job to support us. She took a job which made her work random night shifts and other hours. My sister had the food and money, but she still had to take care for me. I remember a night when I had a 112 fever but we had no ride or money to go to the hospital.

My father came back into my life. My sister still hated him, but I didn't know that she did. I loved going to his apartment. He had food, television, and it was right next to my school. I could easily walk in the hot sun. (my city usually goes around 70 in the winter, 95 in the spring, and 115 in the summer)

My sister disliked him until my mother unleashed her true mentality. She started to yell at my sister about our father. How much my mother hated him! Then my sister yelled back at her to stop yelling at her, especially on the nights where it was a school-night. My mother would wake up up late just to yell at her. My mother kicked my sister out for the first time. My father was on a business trip so she stayed at her friend's house. Then when she came back, my mom went on a "honeymoon" period and acted normal for a month, then kicked both my sister and I out of the house. We stayed at our father's for about two weeks when we came back. My mom went "honeymoon" then kicked us out again. My sister never went back. She had a car, so she packed every single thing she had and moved in with my dad. I stayed at my dad's for about 3 months, but I returned.

Everything had been a blur since then, but it's been horrible.
My mother is racist. She hates the fact that I'm Mexican. She hated Mexicans. But yet she chooses to live in an area where almost everyone is! When she was younger, it was the opposite. There would be maybe 3 at her school, but now it's actually where there's only 3 white people at our school. She refuses to go out, because she complains everyone only speaks Spanish. I ask,"Then how about learning Spanish? I know a lot, I can teach you some." but then she goes,"This is America. I shouldn't have to." Well, we're in California. Plus, America is a mix of races. I understand that it's hard to have to use a second language, but it's just part of the culture of our Southern California.

My mother slams my Religion. My mother is one of those Christians who never go to church, and then believe misconceptions. I chose to be Catholic. My sister and I both received all sacraments. She calls the Church full of pedophiles and idol worshiping. Okay, so maybe five priest were pedophiles. But what about the Christian Ministers?! You can't just believe a whole church is bad because a few people, and then not acknowledge any people from your beliefs to end up being bad! When I took her to my local Roman Catholic Church for MY Holy Baptism, etc, she started to laugh during the mass. Even if you hate any religion, it's RUDE to laugh at a reading. It's like if you go to a Protestant mass and start to laugh. It's dead rude. People may not share your beliefs, but you do not have a MORAL right to interrupt THEIR mass.

My mother has this horrible boyfriend. Just to make things clear, he doesn't physically harm us. However, he has cussed me out, accused me of being a bad Catholic (when he's NOT even one!), called me a liar, too much to type! He's a serious stalker. When I went to take out the trash at about 1 AM in the morning (it was stinking the house up so I really HAD to do it) and he was parked in his truck, just waiting for my mother. (my mother was at the Casino with her friend.) Now my mother doesn't gamble often, so I'm perfectly okay with it. One night when she went to the casino, he came over. I answered.

Me: Yes Frank?
Frank: What's mom doing?
Me: She's not here.
Frank: Her car is here.
Me: She went to the Casino in Rosalie's car. (her friend)
-Frank leaves and comes back after about 30 minutes.-
Me: what is it this time?
Frank: Your mom is here. I called Rosalie.
Me: Well you must be confused.
Frank: Stop lying to me, (female dog) she's here.
Me: Yeah, leave please. -I close the door on him.-

I told my mother and then she broke up with him, then went back after about a week. It happened over and over, and she just went back with him.
My mom always started problems related to him. "He's good to us! I love him! You girls don't love me, I need someone!"
So I started to escape to my dad's house. She didn't care.
Mother's day. I visited her with a cake with my sister.

My mom threw the cake at us when she got it.

I couldn't live with her issues and anger unleashes anymore. I'm a good girl. I have good grades, never got a time out at school, and never fought. I had to deal with my own sadness because I barely had any friends. So I moved out, living with my dad. Highschool has been the best thing that has happened to me.
Now I try to be the happiest girl in the world. Literally. But my mom issues just had creeped unto me.

My dad has been having money problems. He has many bills, and my mom recieves lots of money each month in Child Support WHEN I DON'T LIVE WITH HER AT ALL. this year, I probably spent about a week at her house at most. So my dad applied to end it. MY MOM FLIPPED. She started to send me millions of phone calls to yell at me. Saying I don't love her, that she loves me, she wants me back, she's going to hurt herself!

I have no idea what to do! I started to not care about her since she obviously only cares for the money. BUT I DONT WANT FOR HER TO KILL HERSELF! At the same time, it stresses me out to even hear her voice! I can't go back to her, I can barely visit her. I found out shes been missing weeks of work. So we're just paying for her.
This has been making me depressed.
How do I convince her to not flip out and get lots of court involved?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
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Re: My mom is crazy. - May 6th 2011, 02:06 AM

Hello, Papaya. Welcome to TeenHelp! =) That was a heck of a story, and I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share it with us here. My advice is by no means comprehensive, but I hope it will give you some ideas on how to approach this issue with your mother.

First of all, I think you need to get your father involved. Divorces can be nasty, but so can custody battles and alimony disputes following divorces. If your mother is technically the one with full custody over you, then she COULD go to court and force your father to send you back home. Therefore, your father needs to take the initiative. He needs to demonstrate that 1) your mother is unfit to raise you, and 2) you are currently living with your father (therefore, there is no reason why your mother should be receiving child support - alimony, yes, but child support, no). If your father doesn't get on this, then your mother might beat him to the punch, and he could get into some legal trouble. Probably not TOO much, but you might be forced to move back in with your mom for the remainder of your adolescent years... which is definitely not in your best interests.

Now, how to help your mother. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do. In fact, I would suggest you avoid getting involved as much as possible. While you may be her daughter (and therefore love your mother), the bottom-line is that parents are supposed to take care of their children. A minor child should not be worrying about whether or not her mother is getting enough money to survive, whether or not she's making good life decisions, etc. For your sake AND for your father's sake (since he'll need to go to court against your mother), I would start recording/saving every message your mother leaves over the phone. Not only can you use that as evidence in court (no judge will let you live with a mother who is so emotionally unstable), but you can also use that evidence to go to the police and get your mother help if need be. Let me explain. You can't force someone to get psychological help unless you can prove that they intend to hurt themselves. If you simply go to the police and say, "I think my mom is going to kill herself," they probably won't take you seriously. If you bring a recorded conversation or written message to them, however, they can put her on suicide watch for a certain amount of time in a hospital (I believe it's 72 hours, or 3 days, in California). If you ask me, I believe your mother is suffering from a mental disorder of some sort. No one behaves so irrationally unless they have something like bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. I'm not a psychological professional, though, so don't quote me on that. That's why I think you should do whatever is within your power to get your mom to see someone by legal means. Note that this is the extent of what you should do, however. DO NOT get overly involved in your mother's affairs if it will affect your own emotional and mental well-being. Get psychological professionals involved, then hope they will be able to help your mother from there.

Until your mom reaches a more stable point in her life, you probably won't be able to have a healthy relationship with her. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but sometimes, you have to wait for the other person to realize what they've done and to get help before you can begin to repair your relationship with them. It sounds like a few stressful events in your mother's life have had an effect on her personality, causing her to become overly dependent on boyfriends for financial support and emotionally security. Unfortunately, she is picking some rather horrible men, but she won't let go of them until she feels strong enough to make it on her own. And until she's ready to get away from such negative aspects of her life, you won't be able to have the kind of relationship with her that you would like. Until she's ready, stick with your father and sister, and wait for the day when she approaches you and tries to make amends.

I wish you all the best. <3 Feel free to PM me anytime if you would like to keep talking about this or any other issues. =) And again, welcome to TeenHelp!

Last edited by PSY; May 6th 2011 at 02:25 AM.
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