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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Jericho Offline
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Fighting With My Father - May 11th 2011, 05:13 PM

I've been having a lot of arguments with my dad lately. They usually start when my dad thinks that I've done something that he does not approve of, or something that I don't do that he wants me to do. Ugh, that's a mouthful. But all the time in our arguments, he always brings up the fact that he feels used, that I don't seem to care about anyone except myself, or that I'm ignorant, disrespectful, or a user.

He's told me why he feels used multiple times , and it's mainly because I don't talk to him unless I want something, or when it's supper. Those are his words.
I feel like there's some truth buried there, but I've explained to him that I don't like talking to him much! He always controls the conversation. Whenever I try to share what I'm feeling, he scoffs and shakes his head. I never want to talk to him anymore because I'm afraid of another fight, so I avoid him.

I've explained all of this to him, but it doesn't change anything.

As much as I hate to say it, I think I resent him. I see him being kind and joyful towards everyone in the outside world. The amount he talks doesn't change, but he has normal conversations with people. The moment the world is out of earshot, he's different. His anger is on an EXTREMELY short fuse. When something angers him enough, he GROWLS.
I'm not afraid that he's going to hit me, I know he would never do that.

I don't know how I feel towards him. I suppose I feel indifferent, which scares me. If something happened to him, I don't know if I would care or not.


I don't know what to do. Nothing I do or say changes how he acts. Anything he does or says makes me hate him a little more. I need help.
   
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Re: Fighting With My Father - May 11th 2011, 09:01 PM

Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

You'll have to start off small. Talk about things that won't start arguments - so avoid talking about school, future careers, etc. Instead, focus on something interesting you learned today, or ask your father how his day was. Take control of the conversations and the topics you cover, before your dad can take control and start an argument about some hot-button topic. Make a point of talking to your father once or twice per day, so he can see you're actually interested in him and NOT just talking to him when you need/want something. It does take effort, and it's going to feel forced at first... but hopefully, your father will start to catch on and reciprocate, so you're not doing all the work.

Eventually, you may want to have a conversation with him - but not right now. Talking to him will just put him on the defensive. You need to slowly make some progress with him first, changing the nature of your relationship with him. Do any other family members live with you? If so, how does your father act around them? Angry, or normal? Do those family members see how he treats you? It may help to get a third person involved, someone who can sit down with the two of you and help facilitate the conversation you have with your father. I feel like this doesn't have to be a permanent state for your relationship with him - with a bit of communication and effort on both of your parts, you can have a much healthier and happier relationship.






   
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Re: Fighting With My Father - May 14th 2011, 05:35 AM

Hey there,

I think that you need to be honest with him. I think that it would be a good idea to sit him down and explain to him how you are feeling and why. Allow him to do the same. You're going to have to come to some sort of understanding with him. Because you live with him, and you are his son, it's good to be civil. What kinds of things do you guys like that is the same? Maybe you can talk about those types of things with him. Next, talk about light subject. Meaning, only talk about things that aren't going to stir up too much ill feelings. I think that will help you at least come to some sort of consensus. Is it possible that you can start fresh, and get to know him better? I think you both could benefit from that. Starting over may not be easy, but you can totally do it. Just be honest, and open minded. Take care <3


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Re: Fighting With My Father - May 15th 2011, 08:39 AM

Wow, I'm exactly the same. He hasn't really done anything very mean per say, but I just dislike him. It's been half a year now where we haven't talked. It's weird because we live under the same roof, eat together, and cross each other multiple times in the halls. He's cutting off all financial support, like allowance, phone, etc. So I'm getting a new job. I'm scared because we've always been unstable but it's never gotten this far. I don't see myself talking to him anytime soon or vice versa.


Carpe Diem: Seize the Day/Moment. -Horace

Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered -Julius Caesar
   
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