TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Kylennn Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Kylennn's Avatar
 

Posts: 3
Join Date: May 15th 2011

Mom behind my depression - May 15th 2011, 01:40 AM

Hi. So this is my first post so I'm a bit nervous but here's my story.

So, I am 16. I live with my mom, my dad, and my brother. My parents have been married for about 23 years. But ever since I was little I always thought their relationship was odd. They'd constantly yell at each other and bicker and go through periods where they wouldn't talk to each other at all. Both of them would complain to me about each other, even when I was only 7! There were alot of times that they'd be yelling so loudly and sound so angry that I thought for sure the next time they would talk to me was to tell me they were getting a divorce. But they never have. I believe this and a combination of my moms childhood is what's causing her to be such a b*tch to me. But I find it very upsetting. Nothing I do is ever right or good enough. I take 4 honors/AP courses and play 3 varsity sports and am the secretary of my class and captain of the varsity soccer team. I even babysit every once in a while. Somehow all of this is never enough for her. She either wants more for me to do or for me to do better in what I do. She tells me I'm lazy and if it wasn't for her I would do nothing and be nothing. Her lack of commitment to my dad and constant badgering makes me upset. I've tried talking to her and she says that my father couldn't financially handle a divorce and besides millions of people have things worse off than me so I should just grow up. This hurts so much to me bs what's worse is she never acts this way to my brother. I had an incident where I was drinking and she caught me and she said she lost all trust in me and is ashamed by me and she would hardly look at me. I just want to be happy. I never want to go to my house because my parents don't talk to each other and my mom hates me. Helpppp!
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,011
Blog Entries: 34
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: Mom behind my depression - May 15th 2011, 03:23 AM

Welcome to TeenHelp! =) It takes a great deal of courage to share your story with people you don't know, so kudos to you for overcoming your nervousness and posting in the forums!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news... but if you've talked to your mom, told her how her badgering makes you feel, and it still hasn't affected the way she treats you... then chances are, she's not going to change anytime soon, if ever. I had a difficult mother while growing up as well, and I had to move out and stop talking to her for a YEAR before we could begin to repair our relationship. My mom needed to realize that 1) she couldn't control me anymore, and 2) I didn't need to stay in contact with her. Once she realized that she could lose me altogether, she started treating me better. Your mother may come to a similar conclusion in the future.

But you're 16, so you have to make the best of your situation for the next two years. May I ask how your relationship is with your dad and brother? If you are close to them, maybe they can agree to "step in" when your mom is getting on your case. Your dad may not be willing to do that, since he's always fighting with your mom anyway, but maybe your brother would be willing to calm your mom down when she starts harassing you.

Also, start thinking of ways to cope with this stress when you don't have someone else who can defend you. Is it possible to go to a friend's house for a day or two? How about walking to a nearby bookstore/library, so you can study in peace? Perhaps you could go for a walk around the neighborhood? I don't know how often you drink (it may have just been your first time experimenting with alcohol), but trust me when I say that alcohol and drugs won't help you cope effectively. It allows you to forget about your problems for a little while, but when you sober up, the problems are still waiting for you. Exercising or finding healthier ways to cope, like reading/writing/drawing/listening to music in order to express yourself, will be of greater benefit to you in the long run.

Finally, I would recommend talking to a teacher or coach you trust, or a school counselor. Sometimes, friends who are around our age don't know how to help us with our problems, because they are currently facing similar problems or have never had experience with those sorts of problems! An adult can provide valuable insight on how to handle a situation, though, and they may even be willing to talk to your mother about what they've observed. Your mother may respond in a more positive way if a respected member of the community backs you up while you try to have a civil discussion with her about realistic expectations, mental well-being, etc. They could either talk to your mom in private, or they could act as a neutral third-party while you and your mother talk.






   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
NevermindMe Offline
The Straight Edge Sniper
I've been here a while
********
 
NevermindMe's Avatar
 
Gender: Male

Posts: 1,816
Join Date: March 8th 2011

Re: Mom behind my depression - May 15th 2011, 03:33 AM

First, welcome to teen help. I'm Justin, our resident "Kid beyond his years" and straight edger.

You realize nothing will make your parents fix the years of trouble, right?
You also know that you will never get approval of your mother, right?
Some people are just impossible to please and impress. It's usually byproduct of stress or anxiety disorders. I noticed you mention your mother has a troubled past, that is probably very true, however that does not make it right for her to trouble YOUR present.

Your mother's love in this case is conditional, sadly no one can meet these conditions. There is a difference between pushing you to suceed and pushing you too far.

About the drinking incident, I must admit it is right for her to be angry and lose trust, however saying she was "Ashamed of you" is not. As your mother she should not be ashamed of you, no matter what you did. Avoid drinking in the future, it's not healthy. I feel the need to preach it, because my dad has a huge variety of back scars from a drunken mistake as a teenager (FYI he drove a truck out into an open field at age 14 with his brothers and friends, they rolled the truck front over back three times and totalled it. Wind shield glass shredded his back, but luckily no one was seriously hurt with not many visible scars.)

Also about her favouring your brother, it could very well be true. If she is emotionally troubled, it could mean she considers you "Bad" even though you aren't.


Stay strong and PM me if you need anything.

-Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Kylennn Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Kylennn's Avatar
 

Posts: 3
Join Date: May 15th 2011

Re: Mom behind my depression - May 15th 2011, 02:38 PM

Thank you both so much. I have talked to a friend outside my family about it that's older but I hate burdening other people with my problems. I feel like this really isn't a big deal and I might just be blowing it out if proportion?
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,011
Blog Entries: 34
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: Mom behind my depression - May 15th 2011, 05:46 PM

You're not blowing things out of proportion, and you're not "burdening" other people with your problems. A normal person would eagerly turn to other people when going through a difficult time in their life. Your mother, however, has attempted to warp that sense of normalcy for you. Think about it for a moment. What would your mother say if you tried to get help from a school counselor? She'd probably tell you that you don't need help, that you need to just suck it up and get stuff done, that only weak people go to counselors, etc. What would your mother say if you wanted to take one less honors/AP course/sport next year? She would probably say that you're being ridiculous, that you can handle it, that you're lazy and a "quitter" if you scale back. Don't let your mother's influence cause you to lose a sense of reality and fail to seek help when you need it most.






   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
NevermindMe Offline
The Straight Edge Sniper
I've been here a while
********
 
NevermindMe's Avatar
 
Gender: Male

Posts: 1,816
Join Date: March 8th 2011

Re: Mom behind my depression - May 15th 2011, 05:57 PM

PSY: On the topic of mother issues you and I usually disagree, seeing how I choose more extreme methods. In this case however you are 100% correct.

I can promise you her mother would call her a quitter and tell her that help is for the weak.

To the OP: You are not wrong, you have done nothing wrong. Every time she gets angry at you for no reason, recite that to yourself. You are good, your mother is not.
Getting her help won't work, I bet she would argure she doesn't need it, and simply not attend the help sessions. Therefore you have done nothing wrong at all. You are simply trying to survive.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Kylennn Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Kylennn's Avatar
 

Posts: 3
Join Date: May 15th 2011

Re: Mom behind my depression - May 15th 2011, 09:21 PM

It's just there are times when I think we'll be okay and then she'll go and attack me again. I feel alone and just want someone like a real mother to talk to and have fun with. What sucks is she used to be like that with me but now she isn't and I don't know what happened.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
NevermindMe Offline
The Straight Edge Sniper
I've been here a while
********
 
NevermindMe's Avatar
 
Gender: Male

Posts: 1,816
Join Date: March 8th 2011

Re: Mom behind my depression - May 15th 2011, 11:31 PM

Kylenn: I know. It's hard to live with unstability. Remember though, when you cry we all cry together. A good ol' fashioned outpour of negative emotions. Good luck. And continue to use this thread to get those emotions out. It will help.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
depression, mom

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.