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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 10:51 AM

This girl, I live with, I can't stand her anymore! The problem is I live with one more girl and love her very much (as a friend) and now the exams are starting so we can't move, there aren't any apartments to rent.
This girl I hate, I avoid her as much as I can but she finds a way to poke me. I think she ruined a friendship with another girl (let's call her A). A and me has been friends for 2 years but it hasn't been good lately. She avoided me but the last time we saw each other, everything was ok. She said I was imagining things and that everything was ok between us. She replied to my message for birthday and said we'd see each other as soon as she came back to town. Yesterday, I saw her and she pretended she didn't see me. Now, this girl I live with keeps telling me:''I went to town with A, I spoke to A, I went out with A'' just to annoy me because she knows our friendship isn't as it used to be. She also told me she got revenge with my friend's roommate for something I did to her. I have no idea what that is and I'm sure I didn't do anything to her. One sentence she said keeps bugging me:''I'll get revenge to everybody who messes with me''. My other roommate and I don't know how to tell her to get out of the apartment because, basically, we are afraid of her, we don't know what she is capable of doing. And we can't move out because this isn't the best time. Does anyone have any advice?
   
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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 11:20 AM

Ugh, it sounds as if something might be wrong with her? Like a mental illness or something. Have you considered maybe reporting her to someone or suggesting some sort of counseling for her? The things she says seems sort of... odd?
I mean I could be wrong, but it's just an opinion and partial advice. Good luck (:



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 11:31 AM

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Originally Posted by evans_x View Post
Ugh, it sounds as if something might be wrong with her? Like a mental illness or something. Have you considered maybe reporting her to someone or suggesting some sort of counseling for her? The things she says seems sort of... odd?
I mean I could be wrong, but it's just an opinion and partial advice. Good luck (:
Thanks for reply I'm pretty sure something is wrong with her or maybe se's just a mean person. Whatever it is, I can't tell her anything because I'm afraid what she's capable of doing. I don't even know how to tell her to move out let alone suggest counseling to her. Also, I'm pretty sure she said something to my friend (ex friend) and my friend's roommate although my friend didn't have to believe her (and that is her huge mistake) but I know how serious and convincing my roommate can be.
   
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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 03:07 PM

Hey there,

I definitely don't know what's going on with your friend, but I do know something that you can do to help. I think that you and your friend need to sit down with her. Tell her that you're scared of her because of A, B and C. Tell her that she needs to change her behavior, or you're going to ask her to move. Because you're scared of her, have a guy friend or two just in case. Another thing you can do is go somewhere else until you can move. Ultimately, I think that you need to move out as soon as it's a good enough time. If you at all feel in danger by her, you can call the police and they might be able to do something. I don't know what they would/could do, but they might help. Hope this helped. Take care!


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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 03:59 PM

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Hey there,

I definitely don't know what's going on with your friend, but I do know something that you can do to help. I think that you and your friend need to sit down with her. Tell her that you're scared of her because of A, B and C. Tell her that she needs to change her behavior, or you're going to ask her to move. Because you're scared of her, have a guy friend or two just in case. Another thing you can do is go somewhere else until you can move. Ultimately, I think that you need to move out as soon as it's a good enough time. If you at all feel in danger by her, you can call the police and they might be able to do something. I don't know what they would/could do, but they might help. Hope this helped. Take care!
First, thanks for the reply Second, if I tell her anything she'll jump at me, yell at me and tell me God knows what (she already thinks I'm a bad and stupid person and she told me that to my face). It would be like the volcano erupted. I don't have any male friends but mybe I can call a landlord. What I'm most afraid of is her sentence (she'll get revenge to anyone who messes with her) and the fact that she is like a volcano waiting to erupt. We're not speaking to each other since yesterday but I think that is just calm before the storm.
   
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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 04:13 PM

I think you should try to avoid her the best that you can. Just don't talk to her, and try to not be around here. I think it would be to your benefit to bring the landlord into this. And when you are able to move out, or she does, I think you can get a restraining order against her. If she breaks that, she goes off to jail. :]

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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 05:12 PM

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Originally Posted by Amoroso View Post
I think you should try to avoid her the best that you can. Just don't talk to her, and try to not be around here. I think it would be to your benefit to bring the landlord into this. And when you are able to move out, or she does, I think you can get a restraining order against her. If she breaks that, she goes off to jail. :]

And you're welcome
I'm trying to avoid her as best as I can but, if she has got something awful to tell me, she fnds me. And I'm so sick and tired of not being able to go and watch tv because of her, because if we're in the same room, there's that awful silence and I keep expecting her to say something mean.
We're planning on calling the landlord but it takes a lot of courage to do it.
   
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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 06:13 PM

Well, first of all, can you even (legally) make your roommate move out? Because if she's on the lease like you and your other roommate are, then "being scary/mean" aren't LEGALLY acceptable reasons for breaking that lease. If she was violent toward you or your roommate, and you had proof of said violence, then you could probably file a restraining order against her (thus forcing her to move out of the apartment). You would have to be vigilant, however, always having a recording device with you for when that "volcano erupts".

Actually, it would be a good idea to have a camera on hand in case she damages property within the apartment. You can take pictures of everything now, and if she damages anything later, you can have before and after photos to prove your roommate was responsible for the damage, and owes you and your roommate monetary compensation.

I've dealt with some nasty roommates in the past. We lived on-campus, so the circumstances were a little bit different, but we still had residential advisors (whereas you have a landlord) that we could contact in case there was a dispute of some sort. My advice is to do the following:

1. Contact your landlord, but don't get him/her involved just yet. Just notify the landlord that you and your roommate are experiencing some conflict, and you would like to know what your options are if she gets violent. That way, if something DOES happen, your landlord will already be aware of the situation and THEN s/he can get involved. Getting the landlord to step in NOW would be premature, though. The landlord is not your parent, and the landlord is not the police. It is not their job to tell your roommate to "behave herself". If your roommate is violent or damages any property within the apartment, however, THEN you could get the landlord involved, because the landlord doesn't want a violent tenant living in their building.

2. Avoid your roommate from this point on, and act in a polite manner if your roommate chooses to confront you. I know that's easier said than done... but sometimes, the non-confrontational route is the better way to go. You have a lot to lose if you decide to confront your roommate. If you DON'T confront her, then things will still suck, but they probably won't get much worse during your exams.

3. Ask your other roommate to search for apartments with you whenever she has spare time (and don't tell your roommate that you two are planning to move out, unless you are legally obligated to do so). While I understand that you don't like your roommate and SHE should be the one to move out (since she is causing conflict for both you and your other roommate), "kicking her out" may not be possible if she's on the lease agreement. You can't control where she lives - but you can control where YOU live. So start looking on websites when you have a study break, or walk around the neighborhood if you want to get some fresh air. Ask your other roommate to do the same. Prepare to move out as soon as you can, and again, don't tell your roommate you'll be leaving unless you're legally obligated to do so. That way, she won't have the chance to retaliate before you've moved out.






   
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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 06:38 PM

This was very long and with so many information
The thing is, where I live (in my country) these kind of things aren't done by law. We don't sign any contract, we just pay the rent to the landlord. I know many girls/boys who couldn't live with their rommates anymore and told them to leave. Btw, she pays not as much as we do because the landlord let her (she said the price and he said ok).
I don't know if she'll get violence or not but I'm still afraid. I don't have to put the cameras because our landlord is really kind and he told the two of us that he was happy to have us here. However, the question is if he'll want to interfere because he likes to leave us alone. Maybe we just need to call him and tell him. I have a feeling that she'll stay here just to annoy us.
And last, maybe I should talk to my friend and see but she won't reply to my messages or my phone calls. I can't just stop her in the middle of the road and ask her what's wrong. Not directly. I'm so confused because maybe this cow told her something but maybe she decided to turn her head when she sees me (although that is a little bit radical) by herself.
I don't know what to do with us moving out because I'm not sure whether the two of us will be living together in September (the problem is money) so I don't know what to look for, what kind of apartment. Besides, there aren't many apartments with acceptable price-either they're too expensive or too far.
   
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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 06:51 PM

My apologies, I didn't know things were so relaxed in your country. In that case, talking to the landlord really does seem like it would be your best bet. It is in the landlord's best interest to have tenants who pay the rent on time and don't damage the apartment (ex. punching holes in walls), since he would have to replace all of that himself. If you and your other roommate moved out, then he would lose money for a few months - so again, it is in his best interests to keep the two of you happy enough where you won't feel the need to move out. You could ask him if it would be possible to pay a little more each month to cover your roommate's portion until you can find another roommate (or until you move out).






   
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Re: I hate her! - May 17th 2011, 06:56 PM

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My apologies, I didn't know things were so relaxed in your country. In that case, talking to the landlord really does seem like it would be your best bet. It is in the landlord's best interest to have tenants who pay the rent on time and don't damage the apartment (ex. punching holes in walls), since he would have to replace all of that himself. If you and your other roommate moved out, then he would lose money for a few months - so again, it is in his best interests to keep the two of you happy enough where you won't feel the need to move out. You could ask him if it would be possible to pay a little more each month to cover your roommate's portion until you can find another roommate (or until you move out).
Don't worry, I know things aren't normal here, I wish they were, I wish I could live somewhere else
If she tells me one more thing and upsets me or if we get into fight one more time, we'll call the landlord because we don't know what to do anymore. Before she moved in here (I told her to come because I thought she was ok), we couldn't find a rommate and our landlord was so kind to let us live here without paying for third part of the rent (lets say the rent is 300 dollars, he told us we could pay only 200 dollars).
   
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