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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Ella.x Offline
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parents remarrying - May 22nd 2011, 09:53 PM

My parents got divorced 12 years ago. My dad got remarried 2 months ago. I don't really care about that because he has never bothered to be a real parent even though my mum gave him the chance.
10 days ago, my mum got married to her boyfriend of 10 years whilst on holiday in jamaica. Nobody knew until they did it. I'm so happy for her. I saw the wedding photos when they got back home today and she looks so happy - she's absolutely glowing. I've never seen her so happy.Is it childish for me to be jealous that he can make her so happy when I never could? I feel like I'm going to lose her even though I know I'm not. I love them both to pieces but I wish that I could make my mum happy like that. I feel like I've failed as a daughter. I'm really upset tonight and I can't quite figure out why. Is this normal?
   
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Re: parents remarrying - May 22nd 2011, 10:02 PM

Ella,

Hey there, lovely. The way you're feeling is not childish in the slightest. You have to remember that you DO bring joy to your mother, but a different type of joy. He bring her joy romantically, and supports her in way that you couldn't and aren't supposed to. It's okay, because you're still a kid. You haven't failed though. What are some of all the nice things that you've done for your mom? I bet she really appreciates it. My advice to you is to talk to your mom. Tell her that you feel like you've failed as a daughter because of A, B, and C. You can even ask her what ways you bring joy into her life, because I'm sure there is a million and one different reasons. I think it's important to remember that your mother and you have a bond that is much different then a relationship of a husband and wife. You both bring her joy, but in different ways. :]


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Re: parents remarrying - May 22nd 2011, 10:14 PM

Hey, thankyou for the reply, I looked after her and my little brother when her kidneys were failing and he gave her one of his kidneys. Everytime she even sneezes I panic inside incase she gets ill (she has a really low immune system due to her transplant). I'm more of an adult than most people my age as I've had to cope with adult stuff and run a household on my own. My mum said today that I'm really good for seeing my disabled brother as much as I do and taking him out, but I feel as though if I don't, I'm a horrible person.
I know me and my mum are different, but it kind of upsets to realise that in the last 20 years, I havent ever seen her completely relaxed and carefree. I feel like that's my fault. I should have made it easier for her.
   
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Re: parents remarrying - May 23rd 2011, 04:04 AM

Sure it might seem like your father brings her more joy. However if he died she would eventually bounce back, your death would dehabilitate her. Parents and children have relationships where the parents do not outwardly express joy and love as they would with other relationships, but when tragedy hits parents feel it more. It is not your fault, you are the child, not the parent. Explain your problems, she probably feels the same way. About how she wishes she could've helped you more.

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Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
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