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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Spoiled Groanfest - May 24th 2011, 01:00 AM

First off, I graduated Thursday (Woot!). And even though the circumstances were crappy (Mostly due to weather), I'm still glad to have finished high school. My mom called my grandpa, who lives just like...2 blocks from us and has known about graduation for a long time, almost didn't get to come.

My mom called him and he still thought the grad was outside. So he thought he could attend his club meeting and then just show up late. My Mom told him that it was inside and he had to have a ticket and if he wanted a good seat, then he would have to show up on time. So my grandpa just says he'll let someone else have his ticket and he'll just arrive late and sit in the mezzanine. And of course, I decide to flip out.

"N-No! Absolutely not! No! He can go to his club meeting any time! Now I try not to be selfish, but gosh dang it, I'm graduating from high school today and I want him THERE. On time, with a decent seat. I'm only graduating once!" And my mom understood and called him and he said he would ask someone else to handle club responsibilities for the day.

Now, this sounds really harsh. But, I guess to me it sounded like he didn't really care as much as I wanted him to. Idk, it's hard to explain. I got him a stinking ticket and I wanted him to be there. Because he's my papa and I wanted him to see me graduate. Sure he would have gotten there, but it would also be a hit or miss if he ditched his ticket and decided to show up later. If you didn't have a ticket, it was first come, first served. So he might have not have been able to get a seat at all.

He come. He didn't get to sit with mom, but he did come.

However, after graduation (like immediately after I got my diploma) I asked mom where papa was. She said he went home. This disappointed me a lot. He didn't even stay to congratulate me, or to at least give me a hug. Just left.

Mom said he had asked her if we were doing anything after grad and she said we had something to do. So he just said "Oh...okay. Then I guess I'll see you guys later." so he thought he didn't have time to see us.

Idk why, but it just didn't seem right. Like, everyone reserves time to talk to their loved ones after grad. I guess I just thought it was common sense. The rest of my family stayed behind. But he didn't.

When I talked to mom about it later, she wasn't sure why he left exactly. But she said that my late grandmother was always the one who actually put things like that into consideration, so he usually just followed her lead. So she thought maybe he just doesn't think about stuff like that. Which does make sense.

But it still hurt, I guess. I feel like a whiny, spoiled bitch. But I had really wanted my family there. But since it was inside, I really just wanted my parents and grandparents there. I know he loves me, but in the past things were hard between my Mom's side of the family and myself because of my parent's divorce and my hateful attitude I had adopted during the time. And for the longest time I thought my grandparents loved my cousins more than me and didn't have much faith in me.

I've been told since then that that wasn't true. And even after grandma's death, papa still tells me how proud she would be. He gave me a graduation present a few days before, saying that he and grandma had planned on giving it to me for years for graduation.

It was a Jordanian coin from when they vacationed over in Egypt and whatnot. Solid gold. Beautiful designs. And they had planned to give it to me for years. I was touched.

So I know that he didn't mean to upset me. Everything had gone wrong that day (and it wasn't just the weather) and I was super emotional.

I had a friend tell me that I shouldn't be upset because at least my grandparents weren't dead. This is true. But there's a difference. When they're dead, you don't expect them to show up. When they live a few blocks away and have known about it for months, you expect them to show up. Simple as that.


   
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Re: Spoiled Groanfest - May 24th 2011, 03:02 AM

Hello there,

I'm really sorry to hear about your graduation! Well, first I would like to congratulate you. Graduation is a huge thing, and is a big deal. Your grandpa seems to mean well, and seems to want to do good by you. I don't think he is intentionally not caring. I think that you're right about the part about how he usually follows your grandmas suit. I think, if you felt comfortable, you could talk to him about how the whole ordeal made you feel. Tell him that you felt sad when he left so early. But make sure he knows you're grateful for the coin, Honestly, I know it hurts now, but this is all in the past. It's not something that you can change, so might as well try and work through it for the next time something like this comes up. Yeah, just talk to him, and tell him what you're feeling. That, or you could drop it completely. But whatever you decide, make sure you're doing what you want to do, and you're not bottling everything up.


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Re: Spoiled Groanfest - May 24th 2011, 07:36 PM

Thanks for the advice! I am actually feeling better about it; even after typing it I felt better. I may sort of squeeze it into a conversation, but idk yet. I know he and my late grandmother are proud of me, I just think he doesn't always show it.


   
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Re: Spoiled Groanfest - May 25th 2011, 01:23 AM

Honestly, I think this was just one great big misunderstanding. Your grandpa may not have realized how important his attending the actual ceremony was to you. After all, ceremonies can be fairly impersonal... for my high school graduation, we literally walked up onto a stage, grabbed our diplomas, then walked off. My relatives didn't have the chance to see me or take pictures with me until after the ceremony - and it sounded like your grandpa had every intention of showing up after the ceremony, when it really counted. Unfortunately, it sounds like he misunderstood your mom when she said you guys had something to do after the ceremony... so again, he probably thought he wouldn't have the opportunity to see you until later in the day, hence his leaving the ceremony without saying "congrats". He may not have wanted to inconvenience you or your mother. Finally... I don't know how old your grandpa is, but mine tend to be a little "slow", if you know what I mean. One is in his 60's, the other is in his 80's. My parents and I often have to repeat instructions several times - and even then, important details may slip their minds, or the overall message may be lost on them. That's one of the potential side effects for old age.

So the bottom-line is that, while I believe you are entitled to whatever feelings you are currently experiencing, realize that there are many, MANY reasonable explanations as to why your grandpa acted in the way that he did. You could discuss your feelings with him, but honestly, I don't think it would accomplish anything. You might feel a little bit better afterward... until you realize that your grandpa feels bad, which will in turn make you feel bad (for a different reason). So I'm going to side with Lynds and say that "the past is in the past". You've graduated from high school! There are so many positive things you could focus on now - so why not let this issue go, and be sure to give your grandpa detailed instructions for future events that are of great importance to you? =)






   
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Re: Spoiled Groanfest - May 28th 2011, 01:08 AM

I can assure you in your grandfather's day education was not a priority or not something to be excited about. This can make it hard for him to relate to why this means so much, and therefore as a result he didn't get the importence. This obviously led to hurt feelings. He obviously was being inconsiderate and selfish. Gradution is a huge deal the represents a milestone of becomming an adult. It was wrong for your grandfather to simply ignore it. I guess it's too late now, but I promise you that you are in no way a spoiled bitch. If anything I would think your grandfather was being the bitchy one.

- Justin

Note: Also back in the "Old days" when your grandfather was younger, men weren't allowed to show emotion, which results in them becomming uncaring and litereally emtionless. I wouldn't be surprised if your grandmother was the rational one who cared and he followed. It was a different time.



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