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Getting through the next 2 years? - May 25th 2011, 02:07 PM

Background info: My parents got divorced when I was 10 or 11. I havenít seen or talked to him since then. He use to get visitation but he never showed up and every visitation day after he didnít show up Iíd sit in my room and cry for 2 hours straight. I wouldnít let anyone in. I know my step mom(the wicked witch)had something to do with that. I hate both of them. I didnít have very much of a childhood. My dad and one of my brotherís old friends took that from me. They took my self respect along with many other things. I didnít report either of them.

Ever since my parents divorce Iíve been really hard on myself with everything. Iíve hated myself for the smallest things. My whole life my dad taught me that showing how you feel is showing weakness, so I hate showing how I feel. I know itís not right but itís just me. I donít like asking for help from anyone, so this is really hard for me. Because Iím doing the 2 things I hate the most. Every time someone tries to help me I just push them away. I donít like dealing with things when they happen, so I keep it all to myself until I have a break down which is what Iím doing now.

My mom and I donít get along at all. We never have and never will. We canít stay in the same room together for longer than 2 seconds without fighting. We canít talk without yelling. She hates that I remind her of my dad. I hate that I remind myself of my dad. She hates that I donít go to her instead of my grandma. Thatís mostly because when I do go to her she tells her friends online about it. I donít want people that I donít know to know my business. Sheís the reason Iím so stressed out all the time. She gets mad about the stupidest things. Like a few weeks ago her and her bf brought home their new boat and she wanted me to see it and I didnít want to so I told her I didnít want to and she got mad about it. I just got home from school and I was tired with a really bad migraine.

I was planning on spending the summer at my grandma's and then moving back there when I graduate next year, but I just got braces and if I change orthodontist before I get them off then I have to pay for the rest of them which is like $1500. So I'm pretty much stuck here all summer and for another year after I graduate. I can't even move out of my mom's or my insurance will stop paying for my braces. When I found out I had to stay here for the summer my first thought was that Iíd hang out with the guy of my dreams, but a few weeks ago he moved back to Oklahoma without telling anyone. He wonít answer my texts or calls. Iím pretty much alone for the next 2 years. How do I get through these next 2 years without going insane?

Sorry if some of this doesnít make sense. Iím having one of my break downs and canít think straight.

Last edited by fallenandcantgetupagain; May 25th 2011 at 02:54 PM.
   
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Re: Getting through the next 2 years? - May 29th 2011, 07:06 PM

Hey there. Welcome to TeenHelp! I'm sorry it took so long for you to receive a response.

When it comes to asking for help (and you're not used to the idea of asking for help), I recommend starting off small. For example, you've posted on TeenHelp. It's a large website, and we can't interact with you in-person, but it's a start! You're opening up to SOMEONE. Next time, why not try talking to a school counselor? In a way, it can be easier to talk to a "stranger", someone who isn't personally involved (ex. a family member or close friend). They can offer unbiased advice on how to improve your relationship with your mom (or at least get to a point where you can stand to be around her for the next two years). After the school counselor, try someone whom you're a little closer to - perhaps a teacher, or a coach, or a neighbor. Then a friend, then finally your mom.

Yes, I DO think it would be worth talking to your mom... because as things stand right now, you're not happy with your relationship. "Not having a relationship" with someone who lives in the same house REALLY means "having a relationship that lacks many key elements". So try to work toward having something better for the next two years. It may not get MUCH better, but perhaps the two of you can at least reach some kind of understanding. You can pull your mom aside one day and calmly explain that you are NOT your father, that you are attempting to become your own person, and you would like to be treated as such. On another occasion, you could explain that you want to trust your mom, but you don't trust her online friends, and that if she could promise to keep things between the two of you, it would be much easier to talk to her. On yet another occasion, you could apologize for not going with your mom to see her boyfriend's boat, explain that you were tired, but you realize how important it was to her now and you'll make the effort next time something comes up.

Yes, this means compromising with your mom. You may think it's "sucking up", but in reality, you have to give a little before you can get a little, and SOMEONE needs to give first. Since your mom probably won't be the first to admit she's wrong, you'll have to be the first. Or you can leave things as they are now - but I think the first option of compromising sounds much better. =) It also means you'll have to time your conversations well - approach her when she's not stressed and more likely to listen. Speak to her calmly, don't accuse her of anything, and word your requests in a way that will make her feel like you truly want to improve your relationship with her - that is, if she's willing to meet you in the middle and compromise as well.

I wish you all the best. Take care!






   
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