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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 05:09 PM

i've got a bf and my whole family hate him. they think he is a "bad influence" on me... he isn't a bad influence, he just might do stupid things every now and then and he is dislexic.
i get told off alot for seeing him... what should i do?
... i love him... so so sooo much <3

<3 adam <3
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 06:16 PM

I am going to be completely honest here. You are twelve years old my love and this won't be your last boyfriend. But with something like this and you being so young your family is probably right. They have their reasons for not liking him and telling you to look else where. They are looking out for you and wanting the best for you. My family hated a boyfriend of mine so badly, telling me I could do better. Going off on me and telling me how he is and I could never see it. But after, I did. They were right. I was also much older than you, and it still held true.
If they dislike him and keep telling you. There is good reason. I would listen to them because at the end of the day they are your family they will always be there and they will always have your best interest.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 06:38 PM

I think you should re-consider your entire relationship. Having a boyfriend at 12 years of age is laughable and people will argue it's a relationship bound to end quickly since neither of you have enough life experience or maturity to understand the concept of love. To many people, a boyfriend at that age is unacceptable or simply a friend who is a boy not a boyfriend. If your family is against him, I think you should be calm and have them explain to you why they think that. During their explanation, don't become hot-headed and disagree, simply listen until they're finished talking.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 06:53 PM

they have explained... so so many times, they just say he is a bad influence, he is an idiot, he is ugly, he is poor ect.
he might be poor, but that dont matter. he isnt ugly in my eyes (might not be andy sixx... but he is gorgeous). he isnt and idiot, he is dislexic and sk8's so he gets cut up quite a bit from falling.
bad influence... pft, bad influence my arse! he is not a bad influence, im a good influence on him if anything. even teachers at school say that
   
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 07:02 PM

Hi Beth,
I have a question, why do your parents think he is a bad influence on you? What has he done to make your parents think that besides the fact that you are 12 and his dyslexic problem? I would seriously just drop the boyfriend thing and just be friends like the other people here have said you don’t have enough life experience you are only 12 but enjoy your life before it gets more complicated.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 07:21 PM

he threatend to kill my ex... my ex asked for it really tho, he called him a prik and said he would knock him out in one.
   
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 08:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BethEmoGirl View Post
he threatend to kill my ex... my ex asked for it really tho, he called him a prik and said he would knock him out in one.
Hey Beth,
Just by this statement I can tell you that your boyfriend isn't good for you at all. Making threats about someone's life is no joke, and won't be taken too lightly. You're 12 years old. There will be plenty of other guys out there for you, especially one you are older. Thinking that you love someone at this age is quite laughable. Nobody knows what true love is, especially not at the mere age of 12. Boys will come and go, but your family will be there forever and they're only trying to protect you. You're boyfriend will eventually become a bad influence on you, since a relationships main part is to make the other happy. He's threatening people's lives. Even though you think your ex has deserved it, NOBODY deserves to be bullied, and to be threatened. There is no reason for it.
You need to evaluate your relationship, or lack thereof, a little bit better before you blame your parents. You are completely right that they're reasons for calling him poor or ugly aren't good enough, but just the fact that he has threatned someone should have you concerned.
Take care and good luck.











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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 08:41 PM

he doesnt threaten him anymore. i gave him a warning and told him i can deal with my own problems...
   
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 08:59 PM

At twelve, I'm sorry but you can't deal with your own problems. A boyfriend at that age isn't wise. I mean what makes you boyfriend/girlfriend and not children on a playdate? Nothing. There is no genuine love, I can bet no hand holding/hugging/ other displays of affection and even if there is it's not genuine. Trust me this isn't the kind of thing to rush into. Your parents are probably right.

The have no write to call him ugly or stupid. That's a terrible thing to say in any case. However if he gets into fights and threatens people he really isn't a good guy. At this point I would give up dating for two or three years. Once you're 14/15 you'll havea better concept of what it all means, and you're family will be more likely to trust you and your choices.

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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 10:17 PM

Dating at this age can be very tricky, and confusing. It's enough to make you feel like you're in love. Let me tell you about my past relationship. I had a boyfriend. We'll call him Dustin. He smoked, cheated, and lied. I didn't see it that way. I saw it as he will change for me or these things aren't really that bad. And because I was "In love", I tend to overlook it. My mom though, she warned me about him, told me all the things that she didn't like about him. I thought they were all wrong. But soon enough, Dustin did stuff that made me break up with him. I then realized that mom was right all along. I should have listened to her. The thing is, your parents have 'been around the block'. They've experienced life that you have yet to. And honestly, you're not going to see it their way until later on in your life. I'm not saying to break up with your boyfriend. I'm just saying don't be so quick to shut your parents opinions down. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you're parents DO listen to you. They do hear what your saying. Unfortunately, your boyfriend does have his flaws. They are trying to protect you. I really think it would be in your benefit to take what they say into mass amount of consideration.


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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 2nd 2011, 10:40 PM

we do hug and kiss... not to much but yeah, like greeting each other, sayin goodbye and sometimes we just need a good hug. he hugs me round my waist which i like, it might not be genuine but idk what that means tbh. gotta admit, it makes me feel floaty ;p
   
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 3rd 2011, 09:03 AM

After reading though it all I would suggest you to listen to your parents and not "date" him, but be friends both of you sound like you need a little more experience in life before getting into a relationship. Maybe in the future you can both date and experience the joys of dating but right now it will only cause more problems than not dating.
Good Luck.


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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 3rd 2011, 01:20 PM

he broke up with me because of them... i.. im gonna kill myself
   
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 3rd 2011, 02:04 PM

to be honest I'm the same age as you and I have never had a boyfriend because my family have strict no dating till your 16 rule. But we are only 12, we meant to be having fun, playing sports. Why bother with boys now, when we can have them later when they are grown up and better looking.
   
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 3rd 2011, 02:55 PM

k i didnt kill myself.. he lied to me tho. he really broke up with me coz he found another girl at the party
   
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 3rd 2011, 03:52 PM

BethEmoGirl: Dating is just a joke at our age kiddo. I mean that's what'll happen, people break up constantly. Anyway, if I may say it, the idea behind dating is to find someone who you would eventually like to marry, at age 12 it's too early to worry about that. Like I said though 14/15/16 and you'll be better equiped to deal with the world.

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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 3rd 2011, 05:22 PM

yh, its just nice to feel loved and be with someone you love atm... i thought i'd found the guy who id be with forever, he is called ethan and we were together for nearly 3 months but i was stupid and left him for my ex....
well im an idiot. i dont like either of them no more coz they r bein dumb
   
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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 3rd 2011, 05:32 PM

I'm really sorry that you're going through this right now. There is a bright side to this! At least you're seeing his true colors now, then later down the road when you're even further into the relationship. I know it hurt now, but things are going to get better. There are going to be plenty of people who you're going to have strong feelings for. Even strong than the feelings you're having for this boy. You don't deserve a guy who just leaves you for some chick at a party. You're worth more than that. Don't sell yourself short.

I'm going to lock this thread as the initial problem has been solved.
However, you're more than welcome to create a new thread if you need further support with your break up. Take good care of yourself, and PM me if you have questions, or just need to vent. <3


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Re: family agaisnt bf - June 3rd 2011, 05:48 PM

Hello, Beth.

I think you've been treated a bit unfairly, to be honest. A lot of members are essentially saying that your relationship was a joke. While it may not have been "serious" based on society's standards, the emotions you're feeling as still legitimate ones. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way after the break-up, and I encourage you to talk to people about how you're feeling. As I'm sure you've realized, suicide is NEVER the answer to a break-up. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It may FEEL like the end of the world now, but it's not. You WILL get past this - many of us have had to deal with painful break-ups as well, and I can assure you that it IS possible to be happy afterward.

This is a perfect example as to why people say it's not a good idea to date at your age. People fall in and out of love (or whatever you'd like to call this particular emotion/feeling) so quickly at your age! It's not necessarily a bad idea to act on crushes and spend more time with boys that you like, but full-on dating/relationships at your age generally isn't a good idea. You're still learning about yourself, so how can you know what's best for you at this age? And even if YOU know what you want, that doesn't mean the boys around you know what they want. That's apparent from your ex-boyfriend's actions: he left you for another girl, just like that! Shows you how mature those 12-year-old boys are, huh? Honestly, I think it'd be best to just cultivate friendships with boys for a few more years, then slowly start going on dates once you're in high school. Your parents will probably be much more supportive when you're 14 or 15. =)






   
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