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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Feeling like Tom Ripley - June 5th 2011, 12:58 AM

There's a book called the Talented Mr. Ripley by Patricia Highsmith.
The plot is that there's a guy, Tom Ripley who is hired by the father of another guy, Dickie, to get Dickie to come home. Dickie and Tom really hit it off, and Tom thinks Dickie is becoming his true friend. Then Dickie gets bored and distant, so Tom murders him. Sick and Twisted, I know.
I'm not about to murder anyone, but I feel like all my friends are getting more distant and don't really like me anymore. They obviously don't want to say it, but I can feel it. I never really talk to them outside of when I see them face to face anymore. I feel awkward initiating a chat or texting first because they might hate me and only reply out of obligation. And they don't really initiate chats or texts as much anymore.
There are some people I still feel good about, but It's just a matter of time before they get tired of me as well.
There's also a girl who thinks she's so popular, but everyone hates her. They still talk to her, but they hate her. I don't want to be that girl.
I'm not lonely... yet


"Every mushroom cloud has a silver lining"- Owl City
   
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Re: Feeling like Tom Ripley - June 6th 2011, 01:56 AM

Awh, I'm sorry. You can't be too afraid of losing them though, or else you'll become too clingy and them lose them as a result of NOT wanting to lose them! It doesn't sound as though you're doing anything wrong though, so those who aren't being your friend are just missing out!!


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Re: Feeling like Tom Ripley - June 6th 2011, 08:56 PM

Hey there! I've felt the same way at times - I think we all have. Sometimes, however, it turns out we're imagining things. It's natural to seek our friends' approval. Let's say you do something one day, and you accidentally upset a friend. As a result, you make more of an effort to please them. They may still be upset, though, and therefore not as receptive to your efforts. Long after the incident has taken place, they may have forgiven you, but you may still (on a certain level) feel that you have to "make it up" to them. When they don't outwardly say or do things to indicate that you've been forgiven, you may begin to imagine that they dislike you - and because it's been such a long time, you may not even remember the incident in question! Chances are, they don't, either. So now you're acting strangely, and they can sense it but don't know WHY you're acting strangely, and because they're not sure how to act around you, you feel even more insecure about your friendship.

Whoo, that was a mouthful... I hope it made sense! Basically, the first thing I would do is sit down with each of your friends one-on-one and talk to them! Just chat with them about school, after-school activities, etc. At some point in the conversation, ask them if they consider you a close friend, or if they would like to spend more time with you. If they don't seem interested, then you can ask them if there was something in particular you did to upset them at some point. Maybe you did, or maybe the two of you just aren't compatible anymore. Personalities DO change over time, as do interests, life goals, etc. You may have simply grown apart, and your friends don't know how to say, "This isn't working anymore."

If you don't want to take the direct approach, you could either 1) keep making the effort and act like nothing is wrong, or 2) slowly start devoting more time toward developing new friendships, so that eventually, you won't have to rely on your old friends any longer for support and companionship. Maybe this is just a phase with your friends, and if you continue to act like a good friend, they will slowly warm up to you again, and things will return to normal. If things don't return to normal, however, or if they become even more annoyed by your efforts and don't want to be around you at school, then at least you'll have other friends to fall back on. =)

I wish you all the best. Good luck!






   
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Re: Feeling like Tom Ripley - June 6th 2011, 10:08 PM

i get you my friends seem to get distant when im in a bad mood understandable but often more now even when im happy and excited maybe find friends that will hang with you no matter what good luck hope it works out




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Short to spend

It at war with

Yourself.

Iím catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.


   
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