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zumbaqueen2012 Offline
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Give Me A Break!!!!! - June 5th 2011, 08:02 PM

Mothers arggghhh

Lets start at the beginning, I'm 23, I still live with my mother and father. I'm the youngest of four who have all moved out.

I've had a full time job since leaving school, I pay housekeep to my mother, I help out with the chores. I'm out of the house currently on a Monday evening (for yoga), on a Tuesday evening (cos I volunteer), sometimes on a Wednesday or Thursday evening (for company and to socialise) and mostly at the weekend (cos my boyfriend comes up and we be out). I'm not saying I'm the best daughter in the world but I dont lie about the house all day.

The main issue of contempt between me and my mother seems to be my bedroom...I have a lot of stuff, and they decided to re-do my bedroom a year or two ago, and I just find it so hard to keep tidy now, which results in a lot of nagging. She still insists on mopping and hoovering my floor and changing my bed...I'm 23, I feel like I should be doing that myself. But I know if I do, she probably tell me im not doing it "right".

If I leave stuff out, she says its too messy and if I put the stuff in the wardrobe and cupboards, she then states they are too messy... I feel like I cant win. Nobody in this house doesnt really seem to have a care for sentimental objects hence why I had to throw out a lot things that are important to me today that I kinda wanted to keep....to make space and to make the place look half tidy. I had to be a bit ruthless. Its not helping that she's off work at the moment due to a bad leg, and has been for a while, and looks likes it gonna be a while longer..

I would ideally like to move out but my boyfriend lives like over 70 miles away, and cant get back up at the minute due to work, we only see eachother at weekends, and stay in the parents house.

I dont have many or any friends that I could flatshare or houseshare with, they all grew up, and left and had babies a lonng time ago. So I feel like Im stuck here for a bit.

Can anyone help me?
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Re: Give Me A Break!!!!! - June 5th 2011, 08:38 PM

You could clean your room up/ organize everything, and ask your mom to leave your stuff alone? I mean..you're in your 20's, I think you have the right to ask her to not go into your room when you aren't home, tell her that it's your stuff and that you'll try to keep it cleaner? I'm not sure...but I hope this helps. Maybe you can eventually find a cheap apartment. I hear people are always looking for roommates so if you're open to it, you could probably live with someone you don't know. Ask around and see if there's a room you could rent anywhere?
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Re: Give Me A Break!!!!! - June 6th 2011, 08:46 PM

If you haven't already, buy large plastic bins and store items that you want to keep (but rarely use) in those. You could slip them under your bed or clear some space in the attic/basement/garage and keep them there. Make the most of the space, and clearly label what is in those bins (ex. "Childhood Keepsakes", "Old Photo Albums", "Textbooks to Sell"). If your mom still isn't satisfied with the state of your room (or the fact that you need additional space in the attic/basement/garage), why not consider purchasing a storage unit outside of the house? They can be relatively cheap - around here, you can get a small one for approx. $1/day. Since you have a full-time job, a storage unit should be well within your price range.

Other than that, I can't really offer any further advice. It's your mother's house, and if she wants it to look a certain way, then all you can do is 1) comply or 2) do things your way and hope she won't become too upset/do something unpleasant in retaliation. If you moved out of the house, you'd have to learn to deal with other peoples' personal quirks as well... this happens to be your mother's. In the future, you may have a roommate who wants the kitchen to look a certain way, or your boyfriend may do things that tick YOU off. Not saying you shouldn't complain, because I would be frustrated as well! I'm just showing you that this is probably something you'll always have to deal with in some form or another. Might as well make the best of it and do what you can to improve the situation. =)

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