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Question Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 15th 2011, 10:15 PM

Hello everyone. I'm new here. In looking for answers, I stumbled upon this site, and I hope that I can get some advice here. I am a boy, 16 years of age. I do well in school and live in a loving family situation with good parents. When it comes to discipline, my mom is the one that takes charge. I don't get out of line very often (mostly for coming home late, back-talking, messy room. etc.), but when I do, she takes me over her knee for a spanking once or twice a week. This has been a family tradition for as long as I remember. I must admit that I feel better after I get a spanking from her, as it allows me to pay for my mistakes and move on with a clean slate. So, I guess I'm not really against getting spanked. However, a couple of months ago, I was talking with an 18-year old friend, and he suggested that I ask my mom to spank me on my bare bottom with my underwear down as well as my pants. It was his idea that she would spank more lightly with my bare skin showing. You may think I'm gullible, but I actually suggested this to my mom, and she readily agreed. So, since then she's been spanking me on my bare butt. Now, she won't go back to spanking me on my underwear. Also, when I stand up I'm now showing an erection due to the pressure on her lap and squirming around from the spanking. While her spankings have always make my eyes moist, the embarrassment is really the worst part of them now. She has always hugged me and lovingly explained why I got a spanking, once it was over and I'm back on my feet before my pants are pulled up, but for these past couple of months, my erection is out there. She never says a word about it, but it is there. Any advice?
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 15th 2011, 10:32 PM

If this isn't made up, you're 16 years old. In two years you'll legally be an adult and having your mother spank you seems like it's a sexual fetish more than anything else. This is especially so if on bare skin and the fact she now refuses to not do it on bare skin despite seeing your erection. It is completely inappropriate and suggests your mother has a sexual fetish with spanking. There's not much you can do to prevent the erection as it's a response to the physical pressure and squirming, not necessarily an indicator of sexual interest or gratification.

Best advice, don't bend over her knee and don't be passive about it. As a legal adult, if my mother or father were to try that, they'd have to hog-tie me as I would push them away or even hit them, although I truly don't want to hit them. Overall, the relationship with your mother sounds dysfunctional.


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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 16th 2011, 12:02 AM

this is alittle odd you are sixteen but I grew up in a home where my mother laid a hand on me it just wasn't in her nature.... But in away I think this is a fetish for your mom I mean it just doesn't sound right to me... It is dysfunctional and I think you are begging to like it too.. maybe you should explain to her but that might be ocward just try not squirm or move to much and think about something that is gross that could make your erection go away


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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 16th 2011, 05:46 PM

This seems a little odd to me. As the previous poster said, it sounds like a sexual fetish of some sort. Yes, I can understand a parent giving a young child a smack for doing wrong but certainly not once they are well into being a teenager. There are better ways of doing things, like talking for example

I would maybe try and get away from the spanking thing. Push away or take yourself away from the situation.
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 16th 2011, 09:04 PM

Thanks to everyone for your feedback. I may be naive, but I did not consider anything sexual going on with my mom spanking me. Spanking has been a part of our family. My dad will talk things out "man to man", but he usually leaves the discipline to my mom who believes in spanking to change behavior, and it's usually done before he gets home from work. She just uses her open palm and does not spank real hard, but it's hard enough to usually bring me to tears and goes on for a while. Remember, it was my idea to ask my mom to spank me on my bare butt (after being talked into it by my older friend). Now, after going through puberty for the past couple of years, my genitals have greatly increased in size. It is embarrassing to stand up after a spanking and have an erection. But my mom believes the embarrassment helps to change behavior along with the spanking. I've accepted the fact that I will just have to go along with it, at least for a couple more years, as I do believe that I need the spankings to help change my behavior. I still would like to hear from any others with advice and from anyone else who gets spanked in order to compare notes.
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 17th 2011, 07:02 AM

In my opinion...

Some of us are proportioning this problem a little bigger than what it could be. There's still a chance that your mother may be onto something else, but I wouldn't be so quick to come to any bad conclusions..

Remember, spanking is sometimes even considered tradition in other places, your mother (is wrong, I know) needs some reality pushed into her. It doesn't seem like you've tried realistically talking to her, and telling her you're two years from becoming an adult, why don't you do that? Try telling her the way she's doing it is way out of line (with the erection thing) and hopefully, like many other mothers, her way of punishing you matures...

Good luck! Carpe Diem.


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Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered -Julius Caesar
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 17th 2011, 12:48 PM

Well, I'm out of school now for summer vacation, so I'm going to try to take your advice and speak to my mom about my spankings when I feel the time is right, hopefully today before my dad gets home from work. Yes, in my family spanking is a tradition, so that may be tough to change, but it's worth a try.
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 17th 2011, 12:51 PM

I think you're too old to receive punishments like that and that you're old enough to understand when you've done wrong and be told not to do it again etc, possibly grounded, typical teenage punishments. As well as that, I think as traditional as your mum may be, it's a bit out dated to do such things, I understand some parents do similar things when their children misbehave but I haven't heard of any doing that.

I think you need to talk to her about it, tell her that you feel you're old enough now to be punished in a more mature way like I said by being told off or grounded.
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 17th 2011, 01:50 PM

that sux! i think u r way 2 old for that. both my parents still sometimes spank me or my little brothers but it dont happen much at all. we got 2 rly do something wrong. i think that im 2 old for it and im 13. if i was 16 id jst punch her.
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 17th 2011, 09:17 PM

Well, I was able to sit down with my mom and discuss my spankings this afternoon. Actually, I was a bit anxious about talking with her about this because of the nature of the topic. Anyway, she agreed to try some other punishments, but she was clear that if she had to nag me about doing or not doing something, she would have to resort to a spanking to get the point across. I thought this was fair, so I am relieved. Now, I've got to watch my behavior so as not to provoke her too much. I also sheepishly brought up my erections which occur after a spanking. She said that she of course could not help but notice them, but knew that boys my age get hard-ons for a variety of reasons and that they were normal, and so that did not bother her. She did say that any future spankings would continue to be on my bare butt because she felt that she didn't have to spank so hard for me to feel it. I didn't argue the point. So, I feel better now from talking with my mom, and hopefully my spankings are behind me. Thanks to those that offered input.
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 17th 2011, 10:39 PM

If my mum ever tried that I'd punch her in the face. Just saying.
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 18th 2011, 06:36 AM

Young children often cannot fully understand the consequences of their actions. You can tell a toddler that cars are dangerous, that they need to look both ways before crossing the street, etc. but what do toddlers do? They act without thinking things through. No matter how effectively you word something to a young child, they are still going to act without thinking. Their brains have not fully developed yet, so they are incapable of rational thinking (like a 16-year-old or an adult is capable of). That is why spanking is used on toddlers who fail to follow their parents' rules: because physical punishment is something they can readily understand and connect to their actions. When they run across the street without mommy or daddy's permission, they get a spanking! You can modify a young child's behavior by using crude punishments such as spanking.

There is a reason why spanking isn't used on teenagers or adults, however. As stated earlier, a young child's brain is not yet fully developed. Although you are still undergoing developmental changes (and will continue to do so until your mid-20s), you can understand the consequences of your actions. You can use logic and reason to determine what you stand to lose by failing to come home on time. For example, you could lose privileges or gain additional chores around the house. There is no need for spankings at your age because there are MORE EFFECTIVE means of communicating what is and is not appropriate behavior.

That is why your mother's method of punishment is unacceptable. I don't know if I would go so far as to say it's a sexual fetish, but it's certainly not age-appropriate. More importantly, it teaches you that when you make a mistake, you deserve to feel physical pain. That is not something you want to hold on to for the rest of your life. When you make a mistake, you should not seek out physical punishment from your superiors (such as your mom or your future boss), nor should you physically punish yourself (as individuals who practice self-harm do). Instead, you should use your highly-developed brain to put the pieces of the puzzle together, learn from your mistakes, accept the consequences of your actions, and move on.

I strongly encourage you to talk to your mother again - this time, eliminating spanking as an option. Traditions are important, but when they interfere with normal intellectual and moral development, they need to be set aside in favor of solutions that will allow you to mature into a functional teenager or adult in the years to come. Other members have mentioned the importance of communication, and I agree that your mother needs to vocalize her disapproval when you fail to follow her rules, vs. bending you over her knee and spanking your bare behind. When she feels you need to be punished, she should find an appropriate consequence, one that will more accurately reflect the "real-life" consequences you might face in the future. For example, if you show up late to work too many times, you may lose your job. If you show up late for your curfew, you may lose privileges. The punishments you receive now should represent the punishments you may experience as an adult. No one is going to spank you or physically humiliate you as an adult (at least, we would hope not!).


   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 18th 2011, 06:51 AM

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Originally Posted by Strummer View Post
Well, I was able to sit down with my mom and discuss my spankings this afternoon. Actually, I was a bit anxious about talking with her about this because of the nature of the topic. Anyway, she agreed to try some other punishments, but she was clear that if she had to nag me about doing or not doing something, she would have to resort to a spanking to get the point across. I thought this was fair, so I am relieved. Now, I've got to watch my behavior so as not to provoke her too much. I also sheepishly brought up my erections which occur after a spanking. She said that she of course could not help but notice them, but knew that boys my age get hard-ons for a variety of reasons and that they were normal, and so that did not bother her. She did say that any future spankings would continue to be on my bare butt because she felt that she didn't have to spank so hard for me to feel it. I didn't argue the point. So, I feel better now from talking with my mom, and hopefully my spankings are behind me. Thanks to those that offered input.
That doesn't change anything because it still involves spanking at her discretion. Talk with her again to ensure alternative punishments are given and spanking is taken off the table completely, bare-bottom or not. It's not appropriate and as PSY mentioned, it's not in tune with reality, so the more this goes on, the more your mother is taking you away from reality. Again, as mentioned, spankings are physical punishments so they imply you deserve physical pain when you do something wrong, which is completely absurd for someone your age and clearly distorts your ability to rationalize.

I still stick with saying it's a sexual fetish for your mother and possibly also for you. It shows your mother has a desire to beat you in a humiliating way, especially because she was enthusiastic to the bare-bottom idea and refuses to spank you with your bottom covered. You either are down-playing it's a sexual fetish by rationalizing it as something normal.


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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 21st 2011, 12:27 PM

Well, that didn't last long. Yesterday afternoon I got spanked. I was running around kicking a soccer ball with a friend in the back yard and rushed in through the side door to use the bathroom. I must've bumped into the table and slammed the bathroom door (I was too much in a hurry to notice), and my mom called me back before I headed back out the door. It was then that I saw that she had a tea guest sitting there, the minister's wife from my mom's church. My mom started to lecture me about slowing down and having respect when she suddenly pulled my soccer shorts and underwear down and attempted to bring me over her lap. As some feedback here has suggested, I resisted at first, but with my mom's strong arms pulling me down and not wanting to make more of a scene in front of the guest, I gave up and soon felt the first of many slaps to my bare butt. You see, besides being a family tradition, my mom's church also endorses spanking. It was embarrassing, as my butt was by chance aimed at the guest who had a good view of all the action, and then when it was eventually over, there as usual was my erection in plain view. My mom lectured me a little more, then told me to pull up my clothes and go play. I thought that I handled this as best I could due to the circumstances. I did try to resist, but did not want to put my mom in a bad light due to her guest.


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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 21st 2011, 03:35 PM

Uhm. I think the part about spanking you with your pants down in front of a guest was too much. Spanking endorser or not, it's just wrong to discipline your child in such a way, especially in front of an outsider! It's very embarassing, and I really don't think it's okay to be disciplined in such a way.

My mum used to discipline me physically too, although it was more of slapping/caning and I was running about like a headless chicken all the while, but now that I've gotten older she's stopped as she feels that I'm old enough and past all of this.
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 21st 2011, 05:11 PM

Your mom sounds like she has some kind of strange fetish. You're a 16 year old male, you should have no problem stopping her, she's, from the sounds of it, a middle aged woman. You need to stop her, it's not right.
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 21st 2011, 10:12 PM

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Well, that didn't last long. Yesterday afternoon I got spanked. I was running around kicking a soccer ball with a friend in the back yard and rushed in through the side door to use the bathroom. I must've bumped into the table and slammed the bathroom door (I was too much in a hurry to notice), and my mom called me back before I headed back out the door. It was then that I saw that she had a tea guest sitting there, the minister's wife from my mom's church. My mom started to lecture me about slowing down and having respect when she suddenly pulled my soccer shorts and underwear down and attempted to bring me over her lap. As some feedback here has suggested, I resisted at first, but with my mom's strong arms pulling me down and not wanting to make more of a scene in front of the guest, I gave up and soon felt the first of many slaps to my bare butt. You see, besides being a family tradition, my mom's church also endorses spanking. It was embarrassing, as my butt was by chance aimed at the guest who had a good view of all the action, and then when it was eventually over, there as usual was my erection in plain view. My mom lectured me a little more, then told me to pull up my clothes and go play. I thought that I handled this as best I could due to the circumstances. I did try to resist, but did not want to put my mom in a bad light due to her guest.
I still keep wondering if this is real or just made-up... .

You're a 16-year old male, presumably you have some strength since you indicate you exercise and are active. You're saying your mother who was sitting down managed to pull you so hard you could not fully resist? In all honesty, it seems hopeless you'll have your mother stop spanking you given your behaviour and her pervasiveness. To give some food for thought, the link below has a scientific study regarding the psychiatric effects of spanking in children.

http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/161/7/805


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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 21st 2011, 11:56 PM

Once again, thanks for your and everyone's input. Thanks for the link which will help me understand where you are coming from. However, my mom will never see it, as I wouldn't dare to have her know that I am seeking feedback here. Since I have grown up in this situation, it is not as weird to me as I'm sure it sounds to others. I have been reluctant to describe certain things here as they are very personal, but wanted others' input. Yes, I am strong enough to get away from my discipline, but as mentioned, I have grown up with it, and I am resigned to it until such time that I am confident that I can move on with everyone saving face. Right now, I don't want to hurt my mom and cause family disruption, as she thinks this is best for me.


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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 22nd 2011, 06:25 AM

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Once again, thanks for your and everyone's input. Thanks for the link which will help me understand where you are coming from. However, my mom will never see it, as I wouldn't dare to have her know that I am seeking feedback here. Since I have grown up in this situation, it is not as weird to me as I'm sure it sounds to others. I have been reluctant to describe certain things here as they are very personal, but wanted others' input. Yes, I am strong enough to get away from my discipline, but as mentioned, I have grown up with it, and I am resigned to it until such time that I am confident that I can move on with everyone saving face. Right now, I don't want to hurt my mom and cause family disruption, as she thinks this is best for me.
It isn't best for you, she needs to shut up and realise that. She's acting like you're still 4 years old.
   
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Re: Too Old For Spanking Or . . . ? - June 22nd 2011, 04:32 PM

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Right now, I don't want to hurt my mom and cause family disruption, as she thinks this is best for me.
There has already been a disruption in your family. Whether you are willing to admit it or not, your family has become dysfunctional. Families can be seen as a "body", where every family member is just a part of the body. When something isn't right (ex. punishments are not handed out appropriately), the "body" can make adjustments, but that doesn't mean the "body" is functioning properly. If you want to cure the "body" that is your family, you need to be willing to administer the treatment - which involves looking out for your best interests. While your mother may be upset for a while, I can assure you that the "body" WILL adjust again, just as it adjusted to the spanking. This time, however, the "body" will truly be functioning in a healthy manner, versus just coping with the problem.

You came here for advice, and you have received plenty of it from myself and other members. Ultimately, you need to ask yourself whether you're really willing to take that advice, or if you're just coming here to try and rationalize your mother's behavior.


   
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