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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
blumemusik♫ Offline
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Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 28th 2011, 07:02 PM

My friend is 15 and has had several sexual partners, but only one recently (although they're not in a relationship.)

She found out a few days ago that she is pregnant by this guy. He's 18, so yeah, it's illegal round here.

She's done some bad things in the past, casual sex, sexy pictures, drink, drugs, the whole shadoodle. But I've not said a word to anyone.


I know, she trusts me, and I know, it's none of my business, but she's getting an abortion and not telling her parents, and I really think an adult should know. She's considering just a DIY abortion - hitting herself with a baseball bat. I've tried to talk her into a proper one, and I've told her they can't tell her parents, but she won't do it. That's why I think I should tell someone.


We're not really close friends. We used to be best friends but when she got into SH, and began making me depressed, I tried to pull away, and we don't talk as much anymore. She didn't respect me as a friend, and wasn't really a very nice person. Now, she still tells me all her problems, but the thing is, she tells everyone.


Like, literally, she claimed to have been raped (turns out she wasn't,) and told me not to tell anyone, and I didn't. But she told so many people that literally the whole school knew by the next day.

She's doing the same thing with this pregnancy.


Now, I can't condone abortions. I'm completely set against them. But she doesn't want the baby, and she won't listen to me saying to get a safe abortion, so should I tell my mum or a teacher or someone?

What should I do?
   
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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 28th 2011, 07:31 PM

In my opinion, I don't think you should tell anyone about it. If I were in the same situation as your friend, I'd be incredibly hurt that the friend I trusted turned their back on me and told someone about it. But I do suggest that you continue to try persuading her into getting a safe abortion. Because you are right, they can't tell her parents. And even though you said you don't condone abortions... what would you rather have? Getting rid of the baby safely, or your friend hurting herself trying to get rid of the baby?

But just remember, this is my opinion. At the end of the day, it's your decision on what you do.

Anyways,
I hope I helped some.
<3
   
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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 28th 2011, 07:54 PM

It was a help, thanks, and yeah, I mean that although I don't condone abortions, I'd rather she got a safe one.

Also, a big point I'm trying to make is I'm not a trusted friend. Yeah, sh'es told me, but she's told about 30 other people too.

I want to tell someone, but don't know if I should :')

Thanks though, but I'm still open for more opinions x
   
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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 28th 2011, 08:09 PM

If you think she's going to go through with the baseball bat idea (or any other DIY method), tell a trusted adult. This isn't about abortion being right or wrong... it's about your friend putting herself in harm's way by not taking the necessary precautions, one way or the other.





   
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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 29th 2011, 03:19 PM

Okay, she now says she wants to keep it.

But the father of the child says if she doesn't have an abortion, he'll kick it out of her himself..
   
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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 29th 2011, 03:37 PM

Have you told anyone about it yet? If the father of the child is threatening your friend, she needs to stay safe and away from him until she carries out the pregnancy. Tell an adult you trust, they can help look out for your friend and contact the authorities if need be. A woman has the right to her own body and his behaviour is absolutely disgusting.


"Years ago, I knew a boy who made all the wrong choices."

   
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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 29th 2011, 04:15 PM

Now I think it's time to tell someone because the father is threatening her. As the post above says, tell an adult that you both trust. The fact that the father is threatening your friend needs to be known so your friend and the baby will be safe. So tell a trusted adult that you both know.
   
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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 29th 2011, 04:36 PM

She could die by hitting herself with a DIY abortion. That is not safe at all. She could yet change her mind.

Now that the father is becomming violent, get his arrested for consented rape. As well as threats. He could go to jail for a nice long while. This is unacceptable to threaten a girl three years younger than you, or anyone at all.

Tell an adult, but not her parents! Leave it in the dark, but tell your mom so she can have a serious talk. Do not leave her parents know if she does not want them to.

- Justin



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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 29th 2011, 05:11 PM

I think there are a few things to take into account here. For one... You say your friend lied about being raped. Ignoring how much that upsets me, it reminds me of a few people at my school I know. Like, this one girl at my lunch table my sophomore year swore up and down she was pregnant for about three months. Then, when people started noticing she was still just as tiny as ever, she had a miscarriage. Granted, three months in there wouldn't be much to see, but there would be more than her perfectly flat abs. I don't mean to really insult your friend or anything by saying that she might be making it up, but it is a possibility that you shouldn't completely throw out. People lie about crazy things for attention, especially for attention from boys/boyfriends.

Now, if she decides to go with the DIY abortion, you need to tell someone. Maybe not your parents, maybe not hers, but some adult that can talk her out of it. If she does go through with keeping it, then her parents are going to find out no matter what. Sorry, there's no hiding a pregnancy. If she does want to keep the pregnancy going, she needs to see a doctor. Actually, she should see a doctor either way to be honest.

Besides, if he's threatening her, the police should know anyway. She won't get in trouble anyway, probably just him. If he's the kind of guy to knock up a girl then threaten to beat her if she didn't get an abortion, he deserves to be in jail. Trust me, he's no match made in heaven.



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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 29th 2011, 06:02 PM

Reiterating what everyone else has said--if she's candid about being pregnant and is actually serious about terminating the pregnancy in such a dangerous fashion, I'd suggest telling the school counselor and/or another trusted adult. I sincerely hope that you're not allowing your thoughts/feelings regarding abortion to cloud your judgment here--because if she sincerely feels that getting an abortion is the best option, that's her decision to make (although, as everyone else has said, it's critical that she has a safe one performed). IF she's claiming that she wants to keep it simply because the father is threatening her, you absolutely should tell a trusted adult (after all, what manifested between them is considered statutory rape--and him threatening her is only worsening his case).

I wish you the best of luck in making your decision--and I commend you for caring so much about your friend's well-being.
   
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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - June 29th 2011, 08:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Gir View Post
I think there are a few things to take into account here. For one... You say your friend lied about being raped. Ignoring how much that upsets me, it reminds me of a few people at my school I know. Like, this one girl at my lunch table my sophomore year swore up and down she was pregnant for about three months. Then, when people started noticing she was still just as tiny as ever, she had a miscarriage. Granted, three months in there wouldn't be much to see, but there would be more than her perfectly flat abs. I don't mean to really insult your friend or anything by saying that she might be making it up, but it is a possibility that you shouldn't completely throw out. People lie about crazy things for attention, especially for attention from boys/boyfriends.
Yeah, I know. It upset everyone and is the main reason we're not friends anymore. She's lied about other things too, like her parents getting a divorce and her brother attempting suicide. So I'm not even particularly inclined to believe her now. In fact, a couple of people have said "I bet she has a 'miscarriage' in a few weeks" because she has a reputation for lying about things which you really shouldn't lie about.


I really want to make this really clear, so I'm putting it in red. Please don't think I'm trying to convince her not to have an abortion. It's her choice entirely, and while I may not be happy, I want her to do what is best for her. I'm just saying that if it were ME I would not have an abortion.


Thankyou for all your advice
   
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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - July 2nd 2011, 04:45 PM

Getting a self abortion is dangerous and you should talk her out of it! Her child might not die and could turn out handicapped. How would he get adopted then? Worse yet, she can kill herself by doing that.

Also if the father is violent you need to get help.

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Re: Should I tell someone my friend is pregnant? - July 2nd 2011, 05:51 PM

Well, she's decided on a proper abortion, and she says she's going this weekend.

But I've told her that if she doesn't go, and the father is still being threatening, I'll tell my mum or a teacher or someone (:

Thanks for your advice everyone!
   
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