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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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jhor Offline
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Thumbs down A friend and I can't hang out any more because or religion - June 30th 2011, 12:28 AM

My friend comes from a very religious christian family. My family are well, not. I was raised very open minded, so honestly for all I care she could believe in covering herself in peanut butter and running naked through JCPenny, it makes no difference to me.

Since we started hanging out I could tell that the idea of having different beliefs always made her a little uncomfortable, but she was getting used to it. But whenever she'd come over, her mother would call every five minutes for about half an hour, and then come get her? For no apparent reason and would always say things to my friend like "I'll tell you later" when she asked why. So her mom's really strict about studying and stuff and considering exams were nearing I assumed that was why. Well it's summer now, and I haven't seen her yet.
I really miss her and I just don't think it's fair that I can't see her because I "use the lords name in vain", think it's okay for people to be gay and don't agree that all black people are criminals. It's ridiculous.
I'm always very respectful to her mother, yet she still hates me. And thinks my whole family runs some kind of drug corporation because my brother's had his encounters with drugs.

Does anyone have any advice?
   
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Re: A friend and I can't hang out any more because or religion - June 30th 2011, 04:49 PM

hey,
tough problem, but its not your fault. I'd say keep on being nice to your friends mom. eventually (and this might happen really slowly) she will come to realize that you are not a bad person and that you really do care about your friend.
You are entitled to your own opinions, and they dont have to be the same as your friends mom.
Try and keep in touch with your friend, and be there for her if she needs you. hope i helped
   
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Re: A friend and I can't hang out any more because or religion - June 30th 2011, 08:53 PM

wow, that is a really big pet peeve to me, I chose not to be around people like that. but its your choice, from my experience from my own family being the same way, I would keep being respectful to her, and see if you can find a common ground with her?
   
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Re: A friend and I can't hang out any more because or religion - July 4th 2011, 12:19 AM

Maybe her mother doesn't want her daughter around you because of your brother's drug use, not because of your religious differences. I mean, SOME people will keep their children away from "non-believers" because they fear they'll be "bad influences" on their children... but perhaps there's something more obvious that's causing her mother to distrust you and your family.

If her mother can't trust her daughter to be around you, then why not ask if you could visit your friend instead? Her mother could supervise your visits and therefore have more "control" over what her daughter is exposed to. I'm not going to tell you to be something you're not, but I do suggest being respectful (as you always have been). That means watching your language (her mother may be bothered by ALL cursing, not just using the Lord's name in vain). That means avoiding certain topics of discussion and certain activities - you'll learn that there's a time and place for everything, and saying and doing certain things in certain peoples' houses may not be wise in every situation.

If things can't work out with this friend, then I suggest giving her an open invitation to hang out with you whenever she can. After that, stop wasting your time on a hopeless cause and spend time with other friends, or make new ones. If you don't have the means to meet new people, then why not take up a new hobby or two, ones that will allow you to get out of the house and meet new people via instructional classes, recreational activities, etc.? It's the summer, so make the most of your time! =)


   
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Re: A friend and I can't hang out any more because or religion - July 4th 2011, 12:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Maybe her mother doesn't want her daughter around you because of your brother's drug use, not because of your religious differences. I mean, SOME people will keep their children away from "non-believers" because they fear they'll be "bad influences" on their children... but perhaps there's something more obvious that's causing her mother to distrust you and your family.
No, I would understand that. But she's open about it now. She said she doesn't want me to "infect her daughter with satan" or some shit.

And besides, my brother's never actually around my house. She has a son his age who hates my brother (my brother got really pissed with him for a homophobic remark, long story) who, according to my friend, always tells their family lies about my family. It's almost turning into some kind of rivalry! It's ridiculous! Me and my friend are the little peace keepers .

And you're absolutely right when you say there's a time and place for everything. I would NEVER swear at ANYONE's home, espicaly not theirs. I'm even cautious of saying "My goodness" over there. c:

Thankyou for your advice! I really appreciate it! <3

Last edited by jhor; July 4th 2011 at 12:34 AM.
   
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Re: A friend and I can't hang out any more because or religion - July 4th 2011, 05:09 PM

Well, unless you take PSY's advice (Which is always intelligent, safe and reasonable)

or you've lost a friend I guess.

Some religious people cannot be helped. I just feel sorry for your friend. However mind you, not all christains are like that. I am not racist, I have black friends, white friends, spanish friends, I have all kinds of friends. Same with gays. That was added by some king (who's name eludes me) quite recently (Last 300 years). It wasn't in the bible until he added it! Also, using the "Lords name in vain" is something the bible advises against (For the individual person! You are not supposed to lecture someone about it, that goes against the bible.) but really it's a minor sin. No one is hurt, it doesn't show respect to God but no one is hurt.

To me. these people are radical, and probably not great to asociate with, unless your friend is honestly a great person I might not hang around much anymore.

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